Is is "hard" being a sahm?

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-06-2004
Is is "hard" being a sahm?
2242
Sat, 04-24-2004 - 1:25pm
For many years now, I have heard the claim that being a sahm is the hardest job in the world. I never chimed in, because I didn't know first hand. I stayed home for 6 weeks when my twin daughters, Sophia and Stephanie (almost 4) were born. And that was hard, because I had 2 newborns. Now, almost 4 years later, I have resigned my job and am staying home again. I can god-honestly say that I don't know what's so hard about this. I personally feel like I am on easy street, but maybe that's because I haven't been at it that long. I feel like I am on vacation. It takes no longer than a couple hours a day to do the housework, and the rest of the time is free time for me and the girls. We have gone to the park, the zoo, chuck e cheeses, and I know not every day is going to be like this, but I feel like I am making up for lost time. My children seem happy and relaxed. The only hard thing about this is that they have gotten into some pretty raging fights with each other, but the fights have ended with quick intervention. I guess I am just wondering how long before this becomes "The hardest job in the world" and I start looking like a zombie, complaining that my husband doesn't help me, and so on? Or do I seriously have the choice not to turn into that? Also, do you think that at the rate I am going, I am at risk for getting bored staying home?

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iVillage Member
Registered: 06-27-1998
Wed, 05-19-2004 - 10:47am

Okay I checked out both posts and in 700 of this thread, I must have missed the part where she said it was a good school, there is a whole paragraph about how bad the

PumpkinAngel

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Wed, 05-19-2004 - 11:01am
You were happily going along doing what needs to be done and doing that which you wanted to do, for the benefit of the family, all by yourself, while expecting your husband contribute nothing. Because if he won't do it willingly, you can do it yourself. And its ended with him taking you completely for granted. And this surprises you?

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Wed, 05-19-2004 - 11:04am
O123 thinks that if the husband got his butt in gear and suggested an alternative the wife would not be ready for divorce. Its not HER job to make up his suggestions for him. Just to give him a kick in the butt that says get in gear or get out.
iVillage Member
Registered: 06-27-1998
Wed, 05-19-2004 - 11:06am
I so agree.

PumpkinAngel

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-27-1998
Wed, 05-19-2004 - 11:08am
Quack. Quack.

PumpkinAngel

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-12-2003
Wed, 05-19-2004 - 11:11am
I was speaking more on the general level rather than specifically about you.
iVillage Member
Registered: 11-12-2003
Wed, 05-19-2004 - 11:15am
Hmm well.. he's the same age as my dad, and I've got a 35 yr old brother so... no thanks! LOL.
iVillage Member
Registered: 11-12-2003
Wed, 05-19-2004 - 11:19am
Yes.
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-31-2003
Wed, 05-19-2004 - 11:37am
Oh, I do get the financials. "Give him money" was my simplistic way of saying "be the sole contributor of hard cash." Another man might be willing to trade taking on SAHD duties in trade for a "get-out-of-the-ratrace-free" pass, but I think that given his history, he probably thinks he wouldn't know how and is too old to learn, and so wouldn't entertain the idea, even if it were an option. (He *might* have a legitimate concern that if he did do it, you would have a hard time refraining from telling him *how* to do it, in a micro- sense.)

I think he REALLY wants out of working for some reason, and I suspect the reason goes deeper than just laziness or a sense of having done his time. Is there an issue at work?

Is he in a reasonable place to find another job if he lost this one, or is his skill set out of date? Also, a weird left field thing, but has a contemporary friend/relative/coworker of his died recently?

I still think there is depression here in some guise, most likely in the form of "Is this really all there is for me?" Of course, he is really passive-aggressive, so he's never going to admit that to anyone who doesn't know the right buttons to push to get it out of him. A counselor (or maybe a bartender) that exploited his need for praise would probably get the whole story.

A couple of other issues: How did he get along with his dad, Mr. I-Can-Do-Anything-I-Set-My-Mind-To?, and also, what caused the end of his first marriage? Thar's clues in those hills, I'd put money on it.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-28-2003
Wed, 05-19-2004 - 11:42am
You have an amazing ability to express your situation. I can totally understand why you feel the way you do about your dh. I know it doesn't help you in any appreciable way, but I think you are quite brilliant. Obviously, your ability to write has not been diminished! I hope someday you find a solution to your problem or learn to gracefully accept what needs to be accepted. I appreciate your honesty.

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