Is is "hard" being a sahm?

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-06-2004
Is is "hard" being a sahm?
2242
Sat, 04-24-2004 - 1:25pm
For many years now, I have heard the claim that being a sahm is the hardest job in the world. I never chimed in, because I didn't know first hand. I stayed home for 6 weeks when my twin daughters, Sophia and Stephanie (almost 4) were born. And that was hard, because I had 2 newborns. Now, almost 4 years later, I have resigned my job and am staying home again. I can god-honestly say that I don't know what's so hard about this. I personally feel like I am on easy street, but maybe that's because I haven't been at it that long. I feel like I am on vacation. It takes no longer than a couple hours a day to do the housework, and the rest of the time is free time for me and the girls. We have gone to the park, the zoo, chuck e cheeses, and I know not every day is going to be like this, but I feel like I am making up for lost time. My children seem happy and relaxed. The only hard thing about this is that they have gotten into some pretty raging fights with each other, but the fights have ended with quick intervention. I guess I am just wondering how long before this becomes "The hardest job in the world" and I start looking like a zombie, complaining that my husband doesn't help me, and so on? Or do I seriously have the choice not to turn into that? Also, do you think that at the rate I am going, I am at risk for getting bored staying home?

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Avatar for ahlmommy
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Wed, 05-19-2004 - 12:27pm
I am sorry I didn't relate sex and ordering a pizza. I am not sure where that came from. There are a lot fo things I do that I don't want to do..i.e. go to the gym and do an hour of aerobics, vaccum my house, clean the toilet. I can tell you...that if DH is in the mood and I am not, and I do give in I am usually glad I did. Do I ALWAYS give in...no. But I don't think it is fair to reject him either. Like I stated before...How would it make YOU feel if he rejected you?
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-25-2003
Wed, 05-19-2004 - 12:34pm

You could be right, but I just doubt the whole evolution process.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Wed, 05-19-2004 - 12:38pm

"....that if DH is in the mood and I am not, and I do give in I am usually glad I did. Do I ALWAYS give in...no. But I don't think it is fair to reject him either. Like I stated before...How would it make YOU feel if he rejected you?"


Why isn't it "fair" to reject him?

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iVillage Member
Registered: 03-25-2003
Wed, 05-19-2004 - 12:39pm

Tell me how to fight a perfectionist and I might just run down to where you are and give you a big ol' hug.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Wed, 05-19-2004 - 12:43pm
You know what.

Its normal for kids to have a range of strengths. Its also normal for kids to use their relative strenghts to compensate for their relative weaknesses in order to get learning accomplished. Its actually outright - perfect - that they do that.

Your dd is a whole language reader and the school system currently caters to her stengths. LUCKY HER. She lucked out. Its the kid who really sucks in that kind of area, and really needs the phonics symbol translation end of things...that is going to suffer in the current learning environment. You might rely heavily upon phonics to get you through...your daughter probably doesn't. I really dislike the "this way or that way" bias the educational system keeps trying to impose. Most seasoned primary school teachers will tell you...phooey. You use phonics, and sight recognition, and everything else in between, to help a class of 25 different kids, all learn to read. But that does not mean that your daughter sucks at phonics because she wasn't presented with enough of it. Maybe she was, maybe she wasn't. In the absense of other evidence - hard to say. BUT you also know she's a true whole language reader. So she's going with a strength which, whether it would cut it with you or not, is getting her most of what she needs with less effort than it would take her to go with YOUR strengtth. Probably. Just be happy its her, rather than you, who ended up in this version of "the right way to teach kids to read". Its not a big problem unless she can't read at an appropriate level or stops progressing at an appropriate rate. If there are no signs of problems...hey...get her into sylvan and get her some extra help to develop further in her weaker areas. Can't hurt. But no point in turning a non-problem into one. People learn different ways and most people don't learn all ways and don't achieve results all the same way. You won't turn an average kid, who is achieving through strength already, into an outstanding performer by working on a weakness. If lack of phonics exposure were holding her back to any great degree ... and those kids ARE out there ... she wouldn't BE a true whole language reader as a result of her current learning environment, she'd be a non-reader. You, and your kid, are on the winning end of the current bias. If she were exposed to MORE phonics, less whole reading approach, in school, she'd achieving LESS, not MORE than what she is. You may be another thing. But this isn't you. Its your kid.

Eventually you have to know how to decode words? Not really, unless your aptitude bias requires it in order to achieve reading and writing. People who can play instruments entirely by ear not need to learn to read music either to compose or to perform. Most of the population is going to learn to play one way or the other, given the chance, to some sort of average level. Both kinds of programs are out there, along with the combined approaches. A few really will benefit from one approach or the other. Most will end up just average, one way or the other. Your kid, figuratively speaking, it would seem, has a strength in playing by ear and is in a program heavily biased toward that kind of learning. She'll play just fine that way. GOOD THING she isn't in a program biased towards learning to play through reading music. Doing extra work on music reading won't hurt, but you aren't fixing anything because (luckily the way the cards fell) nothing is actually broken in her case. Though the kid who would learn best to play via reading music...is somewhat screwed without outside help. You seem to have the situation backwards. Yeah, they might all do a bit better with a more balanced approach...but the approach has been unbalanced forerver. Overall they'll end up reading just as well as previous generations. In my time kids who were truly whole readers were screwed...now kids who are truly phonetic readers are screwed. My guess is overall, the same vast proportion of manage to learn to read just as well one way, as the other. Not as well as if the approach were balanced...but it never has been.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Wed, 05-19-2004 - 12:47pm

Sure, a hug is always welcome.


Joke of the day:

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iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Wed, 05-19-2004 - 12:48pm
No. He didn't decide to change things. He decided to whine. She is still able to just as before...only she has to remember - she's HIS Mommy too! Its nauseating, actually.
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-25-2003
Wed, 05-19-2004 - 12:50pm

running down to give hug (might take me a bit...here...let me send it through the cyber world...(((Hug))))


I'm gonna praise that kid more often!


iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Wed, 05-19-2004 - 1:18pm
Perhaps you are incorrectly taking me as saying he's right, she's wrong. Please see post 1409 in this thread about that. You're absolutely right, it could be a complete "coinkydink" that her DD has "issues" all of which cropped up within the same 6mos. as her DH made her madder than she has ever been. He could well BE lazy and uncaring and resentful of and sexist toward her and his own DDs. I just find it very hard to believe that CLW and a Neanderthal found each other mutually attractive up until just now, and think it's more likely that her extremely pained reaction is causing her to paint him (likely not deliberately) as badly as he can possibly be painted right now, perhaps, just perhaps, unfairly, and one of the best ways to do that is to portray him as a bad parent. As far as I could see, a mere 6 mos. ago, the only issue they both had about the school was the new math program, and they were on the same page and were talking openly about what should be done about it. Now all of a sudden he's never cared and it's not just the math program, it's the whole school and he's a flat-out uncaring idiot. Of course they could and should do what is necessary and desirable for their childrens' education - could you POSSIBLY be thinking getting the best education for our DS ISN'T one of my DH and my highest priorities? I thought you knew better than that. All I'm saying is that perhaps, just perhaps, she's seeing the situation through the catastrophe glasses she has on and there really, really isn't an issue with her DD's education that she needs to get the righteous indignation out for.
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Wed, 05-19-2004 - 1:21pm
Thumbs way up.

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