Is is "hard" being a sahm?

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-06-2004
Is is "hard" being a sahm?
2242
Sat, 04-24-2004 - 1:25pm
For many years now, I have heard the claim that being a sahm is the hardest job in the world. I never chimed in, because I didn't know first hand. I stayed home for 6 weeks when my twin daughters, Sophia and Stephanie (almost 4) were born. And that was hard, because I had 2 newborns. Now, almost 4 years later, I have resigned my job and am staying home again. I can god-honestly say that I don't know what's so hard about this. I personally feel like I am on easy street, but maybe that's because I haven't been at it that long. I feel like I am on vacation. It takes no longer than a couple hours a day to do the housework, and the rest of the time is free time for me and the girls. We have gone to the park, the zoo, chuck e cheeses, and I know not every day is going to be like this, but I feel like I am making up for lost time. My children seem happy and relaxed. The only hard thing about this is that they have gotten into some pretty raging fights with each other, but the fights have ended with quick intervention. I guess I am just wondering how long before this becomes "The hardest job in the world" and I start looking like a zombie, complaining that my husband doesn't help me, and so on? Or do I seriously have the choice not to turn into that? Also, do you think that at the rate I am going, I am at risk for getting bored staying home?

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iVillage Member
Registered: 03-07-2004
Wed, 05-19-2004 - 5:11pm
An ideal husband would be a partner. Someone whose company I enjoyed. Ideally, we'd see eye to eye on everything and work in unison towards mutual goals. Realistically, we would decide what the potential damage/benefit is WRT doing something and to whom it is more important and go that route. My ideal partner is not required to do what I want nor am I required to do what he wants. We'd both work towards supporting and caring for our family. While my ideal partner might not always agree with what I do, he'd respect my right to do it, would understand that sometimes life is hectic and woulnd't whine about not feeling appreciated by a very busy wife. My ideal partner would be a friend and source of support.

Sorry for any typos. I just got back from the eye doctor and my pupils are still dialted so things are a little blury.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-07-2004
Wed, 05-19-2004 - 5:14pm
Where did I say dh thinks dd's piano does no good? You're adding to what I said. Dh doesn't disagree that it's been good for her. He just thinks she's gained all she will because she's not particularly talented. I don't agree. We'll see what the next year brings. I'm very hopeful since dd is choosing to stay with piano next year.
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-07-2004
Wed, 05-19-2004 - 5:16pm
And I"m saying there are logistical problems. I'd pretty much have to hire a nanny. You may think it's ok to hand your kids over to high school student to drive around but I don't. Anyone who has permission to take my kids anywhere will have some qualifications for the job including several years of driving experiece. They will also have some maturity and experience with kids.
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-07-2004
Wed, 05-19-2004 - 5:20pm
No, the reason he can't retire is he never planned for retirement. If he were to retire, I'd be locked into working until I die to pay for it. I am not obligated to pay for my able bodied spouses retirement in such a manner. You can't cut 1/3 of our income out without cutting out significant savings. Rignt now, I'm on track to retire at 62 if I stay with the company I'm with. 67 if I make the switch into teaching. Dh's retirement now would extend both of those dates indefinitely. He dosen't have the righ to do that. He can't retire because HE didn't plan. He jumped from job to job because he was never happy. It never dawned on him to stay long enough to actually have a pension before moving on. That is not a problem I created and I don't owe him the solution. I don't owe him early retirement at the cost of my own retirement later on!!
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-07-2004
Wed, 05-19-2004 - 5:25pm
Since when? Dd's piano lessons are about $17/hr. Pretty inexpensive as far as activities go. There are no uniforms to buy, no equipment, no supplies beyond music books and we already own the keyboard because I like to play. We will be buying a new piano for dd#2 this year but, frankly, I never wanted the keyboard. I wanted a piano. Dh went out and bought a keyboard as my Christmas present and told me it was better than a piano. I'm still trying to figure that one out since he doesn't play. What it was was cheaper than a piano.
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-07-2004
Wed, 05-19-2004 - 5:27pm
Me too. I'm SURE it's not getting in his face and doing to him what he did to me.
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-07-2004
Wed, 05-19-2004 - 5:28pm
She doesn't have to have her piano lessons on a given night. There is more than one option and one is a different night each week. We just have to catch up with a class at her level. While that's not ideal, I'm sure her teacher would rather see her do that than quit.
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-07-2004
Wed, 05-19-2004 - 5:31pm
LOL, Go ahead and wait until your child fails. I'm not going there. Dd has issues that need dealing with, period. There is no need or benefit to waiting until she fails. In fact, there may be a lot of harm done in waiting as failure in school is a major self esteem blow to kids. One many never recover from.
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-07-2004
Wed, 05-19-2004 - 5:34pm
Thank You!!! He has YET to come up with a valid reason for wanting me to cut back. I KNOW what he wants. He wants me home more so he has to do less and that, simply, is not reason for me to change anything. Cooking dinner for the kids a few nights a week and not being able to golf after work isn't going to kill him.
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-07-2004
Wed, 05-19-2004 - 5:40pm
It is one way to learn confidence, however, that's not dd's issue. Her issue is a defeatest attitude. She looks at something new and thinks "I CAN'T, so why bother trying". Her music lessons are helping here. While she is not headed for Juliard, it benfits her every time she surprises herself by learning a piece she delcare up front couldn't be learned. If it ain't broke, don't fix it. I'm sure any other activity that involved struggling to master things would be met with the same response she has towards piano. It's not piano lessons she doesn't like. It's having to try new things all the time she doesn't like.

WRT short term gratification, how do you get any more short term than learning one piece of music? Dd's not playing the second movement of the Moonlight Sonata here. The pieces she plays are level appropriate and take her 3-4 weeks to master. That's pretty short term in my book.

And I play the piano. Beethoven rolls over every time I do though, lol.

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