Is is "hard" being a sahm?

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-06-2004
Is is "hard" being a sahm?
2242
Sat, 04-24-2004 - 1:25pm
For many years now, I have heard the claim that being a sahm is the hardest job in the world. I never chimed in, because I didn't know first hand. I stayed home for 6 weeks when my twin daughters, Sophia and Stephanie (almost 4) were born. And that was hard, because I had 2 newborns. Now, almost 4 years later, I have resigned my job and am staying home again. I can god-honestly say that I don't know what's so hard about this. I personally feel like I am on easy street, but maybe that's because I haven't been at it that long. I feel like I am on vacation. It takes no longer than a couple hours a day to do the housework, and the rest of the time is free time for me and the girls. We have gone to the park, the zoo, chuck e cheeses, and I know not every day is going to be like this, but I feel like I am making up for lost time. My children seem happy and relaxed. The only hard thing about this is that they have gotten into some pretty raging fights with each other, but the fights have ended with quick intervention. I guess I am just wondering how long before this becomes "The hardest job in the world" and I start looking like a zombie, complaining that my husband doesn't help me, and so on? Or do I seriously have the choice not to turn into that? Also, do you think that at the rate I am going, I am at risk for getting bored staying home?

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iVillage Member
Registered: 03-18-2004
Wed, 05-19-2004 - 6:10pm
You're joking right?

Mondo

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Wed, 05-19-2004 - 6:15pm
I definitely think they need counseling, but from what i gather, he just doesnt get it. maybe he just doesnt understand what she expects. my dh is very quiet and does not like to fight, and i guess he can be described as passive aggressive. i danced around some issues for years, and finally when i did "get in his face", even *after* counseling, he finally got the message. counseling is not the be-all, end-all for everyone, although i would never poo-poo it, as it helped me tremendously to understand a lot about others, the trick is to find a counselor that works for the individual.

i wouldnt say "getting in ones face" is dead wrong, as it worked for me.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-18-2004
Wed, 05-19-2004 - 6:20pm

My DH has a saying "You have to light a fire under me". And he's right.

Mondo

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Wed, 05-19-2004 - 6:20pm
How so? So far you're just proving my point that you can't bear to accept ANY responsibility for problems in your marriage.
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Wed, 05-19-2004 - 6:26pm
How can you get in someone's face and passively give someone a book? they are two different animals. im not talking about physically "in his face", but spell things out for him point blank. if he thinks he needs to give you a book to make his point, why shouldnt you use the tools you know. im not saying you're a screamer, but you do communicate using words, rather than passive actions, dont you? think about what you want your message to be, sit him down, and tell him you expect the respect you deserve for him to stay there til you say what you have to say, even if it gets loud. so what. make your point straight "at" him.

im very serious about this. im not saying im perfect, but i have been to counselors and doctors to correct my ills, however, dh has never been perfect himself. he walks around and pouts while he has absolutely no clue what i mean, want, think. even now there are times when we get "into it", and he totally does not understand me, i *make* him sit in a chair and at least hear me out until im done. if he stands up, i ask him to sit until im done. this is how he was raised. his whole family is like this. when the going gets tough dh's family runs. confrontation sometimes works wonders.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-31-2003
Wed, 05-19-2004 - 6:46pm
Suzuki is $66/hr here, ~$13K for the 5 yr. whole course, assuming that you take the regular course. Gifted students who qualify to take from master instructors pay more. (http://www.webster.edu/depts/finearts/cms/lessons.html)? I'm guessing that's about avg. for most places, which is probably why we were all thinking it was a lot of money to put out for a kid who wasn't especially talented or interested in music. I know that there is no way that we could afford to put out money like that on an EC if either one of us were less than 10 yrs. from retirement.

If it were hockey or another sport, I'd be even more on your case, LOL! In a case where our child was struggling academically, time-consuming extracurricular activities would not be something that we would allow, let alone mandate. In our house, she would be reading instead of practicing on a keyboard.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-31-2003
Wed, 05-19-2004 - 6:51pm
Just out of curiousity, on the current plan, how old will HE be when he's allowed to retire? You've told us how old you will be; does he have to keep working until you are ready to retire, too?

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-11-2003
Wed, 05-19-2004 - 6:56pm

<<"She's an above average child performing average">>


How is she above average? In what way? In *every* subject? Is the above average label yours, or is that what her teachers say, too? Is it possible she really is average and, if so, would you be able to accept that?


iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Wed, 05-19-2004 - 7:47pm
oh, that is funny. we are both from nj, and very direct. not trying to be ugly, just direct. i dont beat around the bush(as you might have noticed.....LOL)but am not endorsing abuse or disfunction, just a little "lighting the fire". LOL.
Avatar for ahlmommy
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Wed, 05-19-2004 - 8:53pm
<<>>

Maybe it is. My daughter has NOTHING to do with her father....a failed relationship...ALL HIS FAULT. She has done nothing wrong. I don't know Dr Laura's relationship with her mother nor do you....nor does she ever paint herself as perfect.

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