Is is "hard" being a sahm?

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-06-2004
Is is "hard" being a sahm?
2242
Sat, 04-24-2004 - 1:25pm
For many years now, I have heard the claim that being a sahm is the hardest job in the world. I never chimed in, because I didn't know first hand. I stayed home for 6 weeks when my twin daughters, Sophia and Stephanie (almost 4) were born. And that was hard, because I had 2 newborns. Now, almost 4 years later, I have resigned my job and am staying home again. I can god-honestly say that I don't know what's so hard about this. I personally feel like I am on easy street, but maybe that's because I haven't been at it that long. I feel like I am on vacation. It takes no longer than a couple hours a day to do the housework, and the rest of the time is free time for me and the girls. We have gone to the park, the zoo, chuck e cheeses, and I know not every day is going to be like this, but I feel like I am making up for lost time. My children seem happy and relaxed. The only hard thing about this is that they have gotten into some pretty raging fights with each other, but the fights have ended with quick intervention. I guess I am just wondering how long before this becomes "The hardest job in the world" and I start looking like a zombie, complaining that my husband doesn't help me, and so on? Or do I seriously have the choice not to turn into that? Also, do you think that at the rate I am going, I am at risk for getting bored staying home?

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iVillage Member
Registered: 03-07-2004
Wed, 05-19-2004 - 8:57pm
He's also not asking for couple time. He's asking that *I* make HIM feel appreciated. This isn't about US. It's about HIM.
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-07-2004
Wed, 05-19-2004 - 8:59pm
I"m talking about telling your spouse what to do. When it gets to that point, it's time to walk. Dh tried to tell me what to do with the book. Yes, he did it in a passive/aggressive way rather than in my face, however, the end result is the same. HE thinks HE should be able to tell me what to do. I'm not going to respond by telling HIM what he should do.
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-07-2004
Wed, 05-19-2004 - 9:01pm
I'm working on that!
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-07-2004
Wed, 05-19-2004 - 9:33pm
I WISH I was joking. I'm not. Intead of teaching subtraction with borrowing like we learned, they teach 3 or 4 methods. Most of them done left to right instead of right to left. I don't know about you but I was taught to start at the ones column and work my way over borrowing as I needed to. Dd is taught to start with the 100's column and work her way to the 1's. Everytime she has homework that has to be done a certain way, I have to go on line and look up The many ways of Arithemetic in Everyday Mathematics, a great help when trying to sort though the quagmire. The multiple algorithyms make ME dizzy and I'm not a poor kid trying to learn this for the first time!!!

http://www.math.nyu.edu/mfdd/braams/links/em-arith.html

It was the same difference rule (I used the wrong name for it earlier) that threw dd for a loop. The whole idea of adding before you subtract just blew her away. She can add and she can take away but she doesn't get why you add in order to take away (this one should insure our kids are great at balancing their check books, lol). The idea is simple, if you give a child enough methods to pick from they're more likely to be able to eliminate possible wrong answers and guess the right one on a test. If you can get a child in the ballpark, they increase their chances of guessing right on the state exams.

What really blows me away with EDM is there are no longer right and wrong answers. Any reasonable answer is accptable. Um, yeah, THAT is a skill that will carry you through college. I don't want my nurse giving me a REASONABLE dosage when I'm in the hospital. I want her giving me the RIGHT dosage. I had a nurse almost kill me years ago when she failed to convert units correctly. Fortunately, all she did was send me off to la-la land for a day.

My favorite though is teaching arithemetic facts using "Fact Triangles". You give the child a triangle with numbers in the corners and an arithemetic sign, say 2, 6 and 18 and a division sign and ask them to make a problem. My dd has this down pat, you take the largest number and put it to the left of the division sign and then put one of the other two numbers to the right of the division sign and the other to the right of the equal sign. She can do this with ABSOLUTELY NO THOUGHT!! Her teacher assures me this is teaching her her math facts. Nope. It's teaching her how to arrange the numbers. I've drilled her on the problems she just did 5 minutes later and she couldn't tell me the answer if I left out a number. This is math for dummies as it's really a dummying down of math.

My kindergartener is learning STATISTICS!!! (said gleefully as in a sales pitch) They took different colored leaves and arranged them in a pareto chart. Now, do you REALLY think any of those kids got that that was a pareto chart? Nope, it was just an arrangement of leaves. Didn't teach them a thing about statistics. While it was a good exercise on grouping it is passed off to parents who are too easily star struck as an early introduction to statistics which it is not. One of our PTA members is star struck with this program because it teaches statistics in kindergarten and geometry in 3rd grade. If you call naming a polygon Micheal learning geometry, then I guess my dd is learning geometry. Oh, and my all time favorite homework assignment asked: "If math were a color, what color woud it be? If math were a food, what food it would be?" and another equally rediculous question that I can't think of off the top of my head. They wnat kids to feel GOOD about math. I'd rather my dd be able to DO math thank you.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-07-2004
Wed, 05-19-2004 - 9:44pm
It's a fuzzy new-new math program built on a geometric progression instead of an algebraic progression. The idea was that kids get locked out of geometry because they can't get past algebra. So now we have kids locked out of algebra which in turn locks them out of calculus. The program is taught in a spiraling fashion. Kids are not expected to get things the first or second time they are taught (I don't know about your kids but if my dd gets the message she's not expected to learn something, she won't). Each time a subject is approached, the kids are shown a different algorithym. The idea is they're supposed to select the one they like and go with it (remember, we're talking about elementary school kids here). Much of the program is built on experimentation so that kids can invent their own math. The idea here is if the child invents their method, it's part of them so there is no need for repetition. Repetition (called "Drill and Kill" by this program) is taboo. It reminds me of painting a wall by sitting across the room and shooting paint laden spit wads at it through a straw. They change topics so fast your head would spin (I know my dd's does). You'd think we'd take a lesson from the countries that teach math well and teach FEWER subjects per year but teach them more in depth. Everyday Math takes our mile wide and inch deep curriculums to even shallower depths. There's no time to learn anything in depth.

Thanks for the infor on Kumran. I'm going to have to look into that. The Japenese teach their children math VERY WELL. IMO, we should be embracing programs that take us closer to their style of teaching NOT farther away.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-07-2004
Wed, 05-19-2004 - 9:47pm
If I told dh I had no need for him long ago, we'd have been divorced long ago. Just because I disagree with him on these issues and choose to do it myself rather than do nothing does not equate to telling him I have no need for him and that he hs a bad dh. You must be wearing a jet pack to make that leap.
Avatar for taylormomma
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-23-2003
Wed, 05-19-2004 - 9:49pm
And none of the things I listed.
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iVillage Member
Registered: 03-23-2003
Wed, 05-19-2004 - 9:53pm

<<She should be less tolerant of her DH's inaction because his behavior falls below even the minimal acceptable threshhold for a parent.>>


Not based on what has been posted here.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-07-2004
Wed, 05-19-2004 - 9:54pm
But whole language will only take you so far. Dd has to rely on memorizing whole words as opposed to learning the rules to decode them. What happens when the needed vocabulary outstrips her ability to memorize? She falls off the table. Looking at the pictures for clues as to what the words are only works when you're reading picture books and guessing the words based on the story doesn't work when reading a research journal! I don't agree that dd is a whole language reader. Her reading has DRASCICALLY improved since she was plaed into Sylvan's phonics program. She can now figure out what words are without pictures. I think that's a plus.
Avatar for taylormomma
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-23-2003
Wed, 05-19-2004 - 9:56pm

<<Dh tried to tell me what to do with the book. >>


Or, he tried to tell you how he felt. Not very effectively, granted. But the two of you aren't speaking the same language, and you are refusing to find a translator.

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