Is is "hard" being a sahm?

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-06-2004
Is is "hard" being a sahm?
2242
Sat, 04-24-2004 - 1:25pm
For many years now, I have heard the claim that being a sahm is the hardest job in the world. I never chimed in, because I didn't know first hand. I stayed home for 6 weeks when my twin daughters, Sophia and Stephanie (almost 4) were born. And that was hard, because I had 2 newborns. Now, almost 4 years later, I have resigned my job and am staying home again. I can god-honestly say that I don't know what's so hard about this. I personally feel like I am on easy street, but maybe that's because I haven't been at it that long. I feel like I am on vacation. It takes no longer than a couple hours a day to do the housework, and the rest of the time is free time for me and the girls. We have gone to the park, the zoo, chuck e cheeses, and I know not every day is going to be like this, but I feel like I am making up for lost time. My children seem happy and relaxed. The only hard thing about this is that they have gotten into some pretty raging fights with each other, but the fights have ended with quick intervention. I guess I am just wondering how long before this becomes "The hardest job in the world" and I start looking like a zombie, complaining that my husband doesn't help me, and so on? Or do I seriously have the choice not to turn into that? Also, do you think that at the rate I am going, I am at risk for getting bored staying home?

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iVillage Member
Registered: 03-07-2004
Wed, 05-19-2004 - 9:56pm
Do tell why I should risk my own ability to retire in order to indulge him in early retirement??? He wants something that he never planned for. Usually that means you can't have it and it does here. No, it's not all about me but I shouldn't be asked to risk my own care in my old age to grant him EARLY retirement. We're not talking medical retirement or him even really being of retirement age.
Avatar for taylormomma
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-23-2003
Wed, 05-19-2004 - 10:00pm
But, based on your posts, by "getting in his face" you are talking about clearly stating your perspective and communicating your wants and needs, not reading him the riot act, laying down the law, telling him he needs to shape up or ship out, or any of the other suggestions OP123 made.
Avatar for taylormomma
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-23-2003
Wed, 05-19-2004 - 10:03pm

But it is broke, for many reasons that aren't related to your relationship with your dh at all. Others have told you why already.

Avatar for taylormomma
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-23-2003
Wed, 05-19-2004 - 10:06pm

You guess wrong. Boy, do you EVER guess wrong.


What I'm wondering is, whatever happened to compassion? While you're busy whining about how draining it is to be the less needy partner, did it not occur to you to empathize with how it must feel to be the more needy partner married to someone who not only thinks you have no business having needs but that even acknowledging them would be tantamount to slavery?

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-07-2004
Wed, 05-19-2004 - 10:11pm
No one "allows" you to retire. You retire when you can afford it. When you have your finances figured out so you don't need to work but you don't require someone else to work so you can retire.

Dh will likely be able to retire at 62 1/2, when he's old enough to start drawing social security. However, that's not likely to happen given that our marriage isn't likely to survive that long.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-07-2004
Wed, 05-19-2004 - 10:12pm
The kids don't hear us arguing. In fact, it's never come up. *I* brought up that what dh is really complaining about when he accuses me of not making him feel appreciated is my schedule because it results in him having to do more. He'd never voice that. He has voiced that he thinks dd's tutoring is too expensive but I hardly think that will hurt her feelings.
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-07-2004
Wed, 05-19-2004 - 10:14pm
So, what would the next activity intended to teach her to try to achieve goals that she doesn't particularly like cost? $17/hr is dirt cheap for something of this value. And there are about 45 lessons a year. Dh spends more on beer and cigarettes than I spend on both dd's lessons.
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-07-2004
Wed, 05-19-2004 - 10:15pm
If so, so would any other activity. I'm not going to stop doing something that is working on a what if.
Avatar for taylormomma
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-23-2003
Wed, 05-19-2004 - 10:16pm

Offer respect and choice, mostly. Most of it has to do with tone and attitude. No utimatums, EVER. No "you need to do this" direct orders. No fighting dirty and getting off topic.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-07-2004
Wed, 05-19-2004 - 10:17pm
LOL

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