Is is "hard" being a sahm?
Find a Conversation
Is is "hard" being a sahm?
| Sat, 04-24-2004 - 1:25pm |
For many years now, I have heard the claim that being a sahm is the hardest job in the world. I never chimed in, because I didn't know first hand. I stayed home for 6 weeks when my twin daughters, Sophia and Stephanie (almost 4) were born. And that was hard, because I had 2 newborns. Now, almost 4 years later, I have resigned my job and am staying home again. I can god-honestly say that I don't know what's so hard about this. I personally feel like I am on easy street, but maybe that's because I haven't been at it that long. I feel like I am on vacation. It takes no longer than a couple hours a day to do the housework, and the rest of the time is free time for me and the girls. We have gone to the park, the zoo, chuck e cheeses, and I know not every day is going to be like this, but I feel like I am making up for lost time. My children seem happy and relaxed. The only hard thing about this is that they have gotten into some pretty raging fights with each other, but the fights have ended with quick intervention. I guess I am just wondering how long before this becomes "The hardest job in the world" and I start looking like a zombie, complaining that my husband doesn't help me, and so on? Or do I seriously have the choice not to turn into that? Also, do you think that at the rate I am going, I am at risk for getting bored staying home?

Pages
Where were you all these years he was failing to plan? Did you not predict this happening? I am a bossy enough wife to say to my dh, "Hey, what the hell are you doing here? Don't you ever want to retire?" I can't imagine you wouldn't have said the same.
Do you not enjoy working? I am having a hard time understanding why you so resent having your dh take an early retirement if you enjoy working. Or is it more that you don't want to support him in his retirement? What would your dh do in retirement?
What I'm getting at here is that you have a concrete goal date in terms of your age--does he? Or is the goal set so high that there is no feasible way for him to ever earn enough to reach it? If that's it, that's a kind of Sisyphus' torture, and if so, it's not wonder he's cracking under it. It would be downright cruel to have joint retirement investments but tell one spouse that even though the cookie jar has his name on it, he won't be permitted to put his hand in the cookie jar, and never will be, no matter how hard he works to earn that privilege.
What would have happened if he had been hit by a city bus 5 years ago; would you have been labeling containers in the fridge so that it was clear what food each of you had paid for and was therefore allowed to eat? I know that's an extreme example, but that's how you are coming across. It sounds like you are saying, "I don't care how old you are or how sick you might get, anytime you are not actually bringing in money, you don't get to live here." Surely you would not have forced that if he got laid off or hurt?
THAT is an example of communicating about the situation and coming up with a compromise. Even if he falls short of performing his part of the contract and doesn't get to retire at 60, the mere fact that you were willing to help him even just a bit toward his goal would have been worth something in terms of mutual respect. The sort of scenario where one spouse gives a little in order to help the other get something that is important to him/her. It's the same sort of compromise as when a woman who wants to be a SAHM agrees to move to a smaller and less expensive house so that the mortgage won't suck up every dime her husband earns.
Haven't you two EVER had this sort of conversation? If your answer is no, my next question is going to be, what on EARTH were you smoking when you decided it was a good idea to be married to this person, let alone have children with him?
Pages