Is is "hard" being a sahm?

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-06-2004
Is is "hard" being a sahm?
2242
Sat, 04-24-2004 - 1:25pm
For many years now, I have heard the claim that being a sahm is the hardest job in the world. I never chimed in, because I didn't know first hand. I stayed home for 6 weeks when my twin daughters, Sophia and Stephanie (almost 4) were born. And that was hard, because I had 2 newborns. Now, almost 4 years later, I have resigned my job and am staying home again. I can god-honestly say that I don't know what's so hard about this. I personally feel like I am on easy street, but maybe that's because I haven't been at it that long. I feel like I am on vacation. It takes no longer than a couple hours a day to do the housework, and the rest of the time is free time for me and the girls. We have gone to the park, the zoo, chuck e cheeses, and I know not every day is going to be like this, but I feel like I am making up for lost time. My children seem happy and relaxed. The only hard thing about this is that they have gotten into some pretty raging fights with each other, but the fights have ended with quick intervention. I guess I am just wondering how long before this becomes "The hardest job in the world" and I start looking like a zombie, complaining that my husband doesn't help me, and so on? Or do I seriously have the choice not to turn into that? Also, do you think that at the rate I am going, I am at risk for getting bored staying home?

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iVillage Member
Registered: 03-31-2003
Wed, 05-19-2004 - 11:45pm
Tried it: when I hit full dosage, my tongue became so swollen that I ended up in the ER. I've had that same reaction to 4 different antidepressant meds.
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Registered: 03-18-2004
Thu, 05-20-2004 - 12:50am

I think that's the

Mondo

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Registered: 03-07-2004
Thu, 05-20-2004 - 5:47am
Not going to happen here. With 12 years difference between our ages and dh having NOTHING in the way of retirement, we'd have to win the lotto. Dh simply never planned. He FINALLY started a retirement savings account when he was 55 AFTER I refused to consider him just quitting. He says he wants to retire but it's not retirement if you don't have your finances in order. It's just quitting.

I can't plan for retirement for both of us alone. I've been maxing out my retirement savings for years. Dh just started. MAYBE in 6-8 years, we'll be at the point he can retire (if he can put enough away in his retirement account that in conjunction with mine there's enough to guarantee my retirement, we can just live off of my income and not worry about saving for retirement. Of course then the girls college will be in jeopardy). We certainly won't be to where I can retire. That's, at least, 20 years off. The earlier dh retires, the longer I have to wait. If he retired now, I'd likely have to work until I die. One thing you have to remember is that anything dh does inherit from his parents bypasses me and goes right to the kids when he dies. He's counting on that for retirement but it won't be there to help me when he's gone. I'm on my own. And yes, I'm going to protect my own interest here. He simply doesn't have the right to lock me into working until I die because he wants to retire EARLY. The fact he married someone 12 years younger than him shouldn't be his EARLY retirement plan. You need to remember dh isn't 67 and chomping at the bit to retire, he's 57 (will be later this year) and wanting to retire EARLY with me paying the bill in more ways than one.

And you are correct, it is common for people to plan together. Dh's idea of planning together was him telling me he was quitting at 55 and I was going to support him until he dies. Prior to his announcement, there had been ABSOLUTELY NO discussion of early retirement. Any fool can look at our finances and see it's just not in the cards. Now he's on to plan B. Partial retirement at 62 1/2 when he can qualify for social security. That will work ok for him but I'll have to figure out how to pay the girls college tuition which is another thing he thinks we don't owe the girls. They can just do it on their own. They boys had college funds from dh's parents. They gave dh money to start one for dd#1 when she was born but they never did anything for dd#2. Dh decided that that was just a "recomendadion" as to what to do with the money. It's not really hers. Money has become a BIG issue to him. My take is we should set aside what dh's parents gave dd#1 and match it for dd#2. If you want to see sparks fly, just come over here when I suggest that.

BTW, while it doesn't pay much in interest, I LOVE the payroll deduction option for buying savings bonds. My girls will have something to go to college on whether dh likes it or not. That reminds me, I need to get a list of serial numbers to my sister in case something happens to me so she knows what the girls have.


Edited 5/20/2004 5:58 am ET ET by grimalkinskeeper

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Thu, 05-20-2004 - 6:16am
Hey, he says he thinks you have no respect for him and you EMPHATICALLY agreed by telling him he had done NOTHING to earn any respect from you. And you're absolutely indignant that he should need anything from you. If that's not telling someone you had no need of him, I don't know what is. You might as well be divorced right now.
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-25-2003
Thu, 05-20-2004 - 6:17am

at least he enjoys the beer and cigarettes.


She doesn't enjoy the lessons, that is how I determined they are expensive.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-07-2004
Thu, 05-20-2004 - 6:19am
Actually, neither account would be touched until I retire. I'd just stop contributing to my account when dh retires. Honestly, there won't be enough in dh's retirement accounts to bother with them when he retires but they could be worth something by the time I retire. My stopping contributions to my own retirement savings would make up for about 30% of his lost take home income right there (he is maxing out now including make up contributions). So, there'd have to be enough for me to retire at a reasonable date (by reasonable, I mean planned but with consideration for an early retirement due to health reasons). Once that's set, it doesn't matter if I stop saving for my own retirement. The time value of money being what it is, what I have already saved is worth far more than what I would save in the last few years. Of course, I'd be gambling that we don't get divorced. If I stopped saving for my own retirement and then we got divorced, I'd be screwed. With half of my retirement savings and his inheritance from his parents, dh could probably manage retirement on his own. I'd just be left with half of my retirement. Scary.
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-25-2003
Thu, 05-20-2004 - 6:23am

Then you are not reading our posts very well.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-25-2003
Thu, 05-20-2004 - 6:33am
how long have the two of you been married?

Misty

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-07-2004
Thu, 05-20-2004 - 6:40am
And school boards across the country dupe unsuspecting parents into thinkings this is a good thing. You would not believe the opposition dh and I face in this arena. WE'RE the idiots because WE don't think the new program is good. People are weird. They think new = good, old = bad and the more material you cram into a year the better!! We, DESPERATELY, need to reduce the amount of material we try to teach in a given year!! Our kids are skimming the surface of a lot of stuff and learning NOTHING in depth. When I suggested this to one PTA member, she exclaimed "I don't want my kids taught less. I want them taught more!". ARRRRGGGGHHH. Our most serious problem is likely that we try to teach so much all we can do is gloss over it. Yet parents see adding even more (a sales point for EDM is it pulls algebra down to 5th grade, geometry to 3rd and statistics starts in kindergarten) as some sort of benefit. The see their kids getting stuff they never had at that age and think it's good. Never mind the kids aren't actually learning anything for this exposure. I can read a calculus book to a baby but that doesn't mean I exposed them to calculus!!! What I really would have done is waste my time. Unfortunately, they are also wasting our children's educational time in school. You can't add massive amounts of material to a program that was already a mile wide and an inch deep without adding time to teach it or taking something away. What they took away is the mathematical foundation most of us got as a child.

The problem with this program is the people selecting it and the parents in love with it are looking at it through the eyes of someone who already has a mathematical foundation. All this enrichment would be great if it was enriching a solid foundation. They took dessert and made it the main course here. Yes, it would have been really nice if I'd had some of this stuff IN ADDITION TO what I had when I went to school but it just can't be taught IN PLACE OF what I was taught in school. You have to put yourself in the place of the child. IF I were a child who just didn't get long multiplication, maybe the egyptian algorithym might give me something to work with but why teach it as a main course in replacement of a method that MOST kids were able to master in the past???

I gotta go to work. I could go on all day about this program and how hard the fight is because people are star struck and think MORE MORE MORE is BETTER BETTER BETTER and NEW is always GOOD. ARRGHHHH.

Avatar for outside_the_box_mom
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Thu, 05-20-2004 - 7:06am
An even better one is to get divorced. Worked like a charm for me.

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