Is is "hard" being a sahm?

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-06-2004
Is is "hard" being a sahm?
2242
Sat, 04-24-2004 - 1:25pm
For many years now, I have heard the claim that being a sahm is the hardest job in the world. I never chimed in, because I didn't know first hand. I stayed home for 6 weeks when my twin daughters, Sophia and Stephanie (almost 4) were born. And that was hard, because I had 2 newborns. Now, almost 4 years later, I have resigned my job and am staying home again. I can god-honestly say that I don't know what's so hard about this. I personally feel like I am on easy street, but maybe that's because I haven't been at it that long. I feel like I am on vacation. It takes no longer than a couple hours a day to do the housework, and the rest of the time is free time for me and the girls. We have gone to the park, the zoo, chuck e cheeses, and I know not every day is going to be like this, but I feel like I am making up for lost time. My children seem happy and relaxed. The only hard thing about this is that they have gotten into some pretty raging fights with each other, but the fights have ended with quick intervention. I guess I am just wondering how long before this becomes "The hardest job in the world" and I start looking like a zombie, complaining that my husband doesn't help me, and so on? Or do I seriously have the choice not to turn into that? Also, do you think that at the rate I am going, I am at risk for getting bored staying home?

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Avatar for taylormomma
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-23-2003
Thu, 05-20-2004 - 7:44am

You don't have to put something into words to say it.


So, what do you need your dh for? What is he contributing to the marraige, to the family? How do you let him know that you need him?

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Thu, 05-20-2004 - 7:47am
"

eople ran off and told me I HAVE to have dd just quit becuase THIS is causing my divorce." Nope. No one told you that. New math and piano lessons never caused a divorce. Intrangigency, blame and disrespect cause many.


Edited 5/20/2004 8:06 am ET ET by cocoapop

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2003
Thu, 05-20-2004 - 8:25am
I actually have told her that (quit the piano lessons if you get divorced). Because although piano lessons and tutoring have never literally caused a divorce, there's no way a kid will know that. A kid won't know about adult issues. But she WILL know that her parents are fighting about piano lessons and tutoring and that will seem to be the cause.

In subsequent posts GK has said that the piano lessons haven't actually come up in arguments, so the child wont be in danger of hearing an argument about them. But that tutoring has come up in arguments. Whatever the dd hears in reference to herself in an argument is really going to stick. And be blamed BY THE CHILD for the divorce (even if we adults know better).

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-12-2003
Thu, 05-20-2004 - 8:29am

Perhaps I should clarify.

 

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-25-2003
Thu, 05-20-2004 - 8:37am

'cept, I can't divorce my kid.

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-20-2004
Thu, 05-20-2004 - 8:38am
"Congratulations are in order. You will be the official winner of the Mommy Olympics. Get back to us when you decide to SAH....I'd LOVE to hear how well you're doing in your quest for mommy perfection. Snork"

Well, enlighten me; what else does a SAHM do besides those things and perhaps kids' activities (sports, dance, pta, etc). Was I wrong in assuming there was enough time for those things? I was speaking from what I've seen, what I've heard, etc. - would appreciate another view - pardon the ignorance. "snork"

 

Tiffany

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-20-2004
Thu, 05-20-2004 - 8:51am
I have another response to this:

"<< I feel that if I were a SAHM in the future, the house would be immaculate, kids have homecooked meals, and I was in tip top shape (if kids in school during the day). >>

You: Congratulations are in order. You will be the official winner of the Mommy Olympics. Get back to us when you decide to SAH....I'd LOVE to hear how well you're doing in your quest for mommy perfection. Snork."


The reason I assume a SAHM would have time to have the house clean, dinner always ready, kids appts/sports, etc - is because MY mother, who worked full-time as a school teacher still managed to do all of that with 3 girls, and do all the parent committees, etc. I have a lot to live up to, and if she could do it working then I don't see why it couldn't be done if that was your full-time job. I came here because I wanted to see what was being said on this board since I hope to work part-time or SAHM when I have children in a few yrs with my fiance.

 

Tiffany

Avatar for 1969jets
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Thu, 05-20-2004 - 8:55am
I know you HATE this program but I don't think you should let it ruin your marriage. Our school is one of the few Broward county schools to use this program for our entire school. Many of the schools use it for gifted students only but we use it for all schools. Out of all the elemetary schools in our county (over 130) our school's math scores were in the TOP 5 for all grades tested (3-5). The EDM program is different, but if you just relax a little you will see that the kids DO learn computation the right way. They just get there a different way.

IMO you are creating a problem where one does not exist. If your child needs math tutoring that's fine, get it for her. But you really don't need to do away with an entire curriculum because YOUR dd doesn't get it.

I think one of the things parents have a hard time with in EDM is that a concept is introduced and then they move to a new concept, sometimes before the kids master the old concept. Then the curriculum spirals back around and the kids get a second shot at mastering the old concept. But it's easier the second time around because the kids remember some of what they were taught before.

My 2nd grader started division as part of the EDM curriculum. He had real problems with it the first time around. Now they are back to division as a concept and he is doing much better with it. In 3rd grade they learn the fact families, how the number interact with each other. They don't introduce that to them right away, but they DO introduce it.

Your life sounds to stressful right now. Try to relieve stress. And you don't need to stress over this math program right now.

Jenna

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-28-2003
Thu, 05-20-2004 - 9:24am
If I am reading the nuances of your posts correctly, I just don't get how it came to be that a smart couple could get to the point where one person doesn't have any retirement funds. Did you warn him not to count on his mother? Did you ever say, "Hey, when DO you plan on putting some money in a 401K or IRA?" I understand your dismay of him wanting to retire on your back AND do it earlier than is traditional but I don't get how you didn't see it coming. Did he undergo some rapid personality transformation?

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-25-2003
Thu, 05-20-2004 - 9:28am

I think some of the fustration for a few of us parents is that WE don't get the concept and it baffles us.

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