Is is "hard" being a sahm?

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-06-2004
Is is "hard" being a sahm?
2242
Sat, 04-24-2004 - 1:25pm
For many years now, I have heard the claim that being a sahm is the hardest job in the world. I never chimed in, because I didn't know first hand. I stayed home for 6 weeks when my twin daughters, Sophia and Stephanie (almost 4) were born. And that was hard, because I had 2 newborns. Now, almost 4 years later, I have resigned my job and am staying home again. I can god-honestly say that I don't know what's so hard about this. I personally feel like I am on easy street, but maybe that's because I haven't been at it that long. I feel like I am on vacation. It takes no longer than a couple hours a day to do the housework, and the rest of the time is free time for me and the girls. We have gone to the park, the zoo, chuck e cheeses, and I know not every day is going to be like this, but I feel like I am making up for lost time. My children seem happy and relaxed. The only hard thing about this is that they have gotten into some pretty raging fights with each other, but the fights have ended with quick intervention. I guess I am just wondering how long before this becomes "The hardest job in the world" and I start looking like a zombie, complaining that my husband doesn't help me, and so on? Or do I seriously have the choice not to turn into that? Also, do you think that at the rate I am going, I am at risk for getting bored staying home?

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iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Thu, 05-20-2004 - 9:44am
I understand. To say don't pursue the piano lessons post-divorce because of how it will be interpreted by the kids is still different still than what she is saying, which is that people are telling her that her pursuing piano lessons for the kids is going to CAUSE her divorce.
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Thu, 05-20-2004 - 10:09am
For future reference, something about the font/spacing of the first paragraph of your post prevents me from being able to access this post from outline, I had to page through the numbered posts until I came across it.

I don't have to have *been there* to know that it would be extremely frustrating if your kids' school wasn't meeting your child's needs and your spouse didn't seem to care. I *get* that completely. I don't know how I can be clearer - I have already acknowledged that it's quite possible that she's absolutely right on the school, piano, etc. and that these problems all *could* have surfaced in 6 mos. I have *never* said she shouldn't be taking her DD to tutoring. ALL I'm saying is that regardless of who's factually right or how frustrating it is, communication and respect need to be there on BOTH sides or their marriage is doomed.

Avatar for my2bestboys
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Thu, 05-20-2004 - 11:22am

It's Kumon Math.

 

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Thu, 05-20-2004 - 11:59am
No he didn't TRY to tell WHAT to do. He DID tell you what he WANTED you to do. You don't have to do it, by your definition, and it really doesn't mean anything.

You ask him to support you with the kids activities. He says no. Thats not a problem. Apply the rules you apply to yourself, to him. You think you have a fair-is-fair strategy...you each take responsibility for making what you want happen - you do what you each want on your own unless the other is willing to support out of own initiative.

So fine. Expect the same of him. He wants whatever and asked you to provide it. You don't want to. He can go do it for himself. Done. Over. Fair. Just say...no.

But you can't. Because you don't have the fair-is-fair you think you do. You aren't willing to do to him, what he does to you.

Avatar for outside_the_box_mom
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Thu, 05-20-2004 - 12:03pm
Thank you!!!

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Thu, 05-20-2004 - 12:32pm
You are aboslutely correct. Whole language will only take ME so far. I'd be screwed. I don't expect my kids necessarily suffer the same limitations. When reading a research journal...you either recognize the word, or you get a dictionnary. How effectively you can hammer out an approximation to the verbal representation of the unrecognized word...is meaningless. At reasearch journal level, the one who has a better ability to recognize word fragments, associate word fragments with meanings and do a speedy analysis to determine a likely meaning for the new word is the best off. Pronunciation is secondary. Especially in English, phonics is not such a great help with that. After the primary grades the requirement to "read out loud to a critical audience on the spot without preparation" is really not too common. As I've said before, if phonics and the abilty to decode are what matters, I can read fluently in three languages (but I only understand one).
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Thu, 05-20-2004 - 12:36pm
You are really missing the issues. The 2 year gap is nothing. Nothing. Nothing. Its only two years. Its perfect sibbling competition range, especially with same sex. What you are seeing is not good healthy motivation. Tell me please, that at least its the older, not the younger, who is doing the motivating.
iVillage Member
Registered: 11-12-2003
Thu, 05-20-2004 - 12:41pm

Exactly.. any book I read that is that type of book, I just ignore it if it doesn't apply to me.

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-12-2003
Thu, 05-20-2004 - 12:46pm
My mom and I think the problem is that these parents didn't like math in school and never did well in math in school, and therefore think something new is in order.
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Thu, 05-20-2004 - 12:56pm
Children do not compete in response to some parentally defined need. They do it out of instinct. Whether they do or not is out of your control. Completely. They will. By deciding to make achievement in an area where on child excels and the other is average...IMPORTANT in its own right by parental definition...you are setting up for disaster.

YOU CAN'T create talent. You can't make up lack of it with hard work and effort. You can't make a kid who always achieves less in the arena defined as important by the parents...NOT feel bad about it. Are you planning to put physical beauty up on the same achievement podium where you have placed muscial ability? If so...do it now. Get both girls into modelling where one will outpace the other...just because. Send them off to photo shoots and hope the one girl gets jobs while the other doesn't. Make her modelling stuff important too. What your child is already learning is that we aren't all equally blessed but some of us are blessed with talents that please parents, and some of us just aren't. You even went so far as to describe the way the dice landed for one daughter - in terms of what she HAD been blessed with - as "unforunate". You can't change the way the cards fall, but you certainly, as a parent, can do ALOT to determine what positive or negative impact the cards have on a child's self esteem. WHAT the card array MEANS to the child is not determined by lottery, but by what YOU as a parent do with it. You are stacking the odds hugely against that one daughter EVER EVER feeling good about herself and her abilities.

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