Is is "hard" being a sahm?

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-06-2004
Is is "hard" being a sahm?
2242
Sat, 04-24-2004 - 1:25pm
For many years now, I have heard the claim that being a sahm is the hardest job in the world. I never chimed in, because I didn't know first hand. I stayed home for 6 weeks when my twin daughters, Sophia and Stephanie (almost 4) were born. And that was hard, because I had 2 newborns. Now, almost 4 years later, I have resigned my job and am staying home again. I can god-honestly say that I don't know what's so hard about this. I personally feel like I am on easy street, but maybe that's because I haven't been at it that long. I feel like I am on vacation. It takes no longer than a couple hours a day to do the housework, and the rest of the time is free time for me and the girls. We have gone to the park, the zoo, chuck e cheeses, and I know not every day is going to be like this, but I feel like I am making up for lost time. My children seem happy and relaxed. The only hard thing about this is that they have gotten into some pretty raging fights with each other, but the fights have ended with quick intervention. I guess I am just wondering how long before this becomes "The hardest job in the world" and I start looking like a zombie, complaining that my husband doesn't help me, and so on? Or do I seriously have the choice not to turn into that? Also, do you think that at the rate I am going, I am at risk for getting bored staying home?

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iVillage Member
Registered: 03-25-2003
Thu, 05-20-2004 - 2:47pm

I didn't explain myself very well.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-31-2003
Thu, 05-20-2004 - 3:21pm
It was an illustration, and I was trying to make it brief. Of course a real conversation would have been a dialogue with more input from both sides. The point was that in the give and take of a working marriage, individuals very seldom get to make big life changes without the cooperation and consent of the other spouse, but that obviously, spouses do cooperate and consent, because married people DO manage to make major lifestyle changes without destroying the marriage in the process. Offering to contribute 10% of the needed money to make the dream happen isn't that onerous, especially in this case, as we know that the dreamer isn't going to be able to come up with the other 90%; so the conversation is just that, a conversation. However, it's a conversation where the spouse who is the skilled planner acknowledges how important the dream is, and gives it some realistic consideration, rather that just saying, "Retire at 57? Not gonna happen because you don't have a pension. Discussion closed."
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-28-2003
Thu, 05-20-2004 - 3:23pm
But more importantly, WHERE was your dh last night? Did he have "an important meeting" to go to and was gone all night? Check the car and the jacket for NRA pamphlets.

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-10-2003
Thu, 05-20-2004 - 3:30pm
Excellent Post.
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Thu, 05-20-2004 - 3:34pm
AVERAGE I SO THE GOAL. Who ARE you people that you think you have offspring that are overall anything but average - even in one thing??? Most people are average average average. AVERAGE is a statistical concept. It applies to an individual in terms of a population. Not in terms of the individuals achievement in terms of own potential.

A little way this or that is all most of us can hope for in terms of AVERAGE in terms of ANYTHING. And a little way this or that isn't a big life altering deal, either way of average.

Average intelligence, average looks, average athletic skills, average musical ability, average drive, average ambition is likely what your kids have and are. And they will grow up to be...for all intents and purposes...pretty average adults. You can't spend money and exert effort and create an exceptional kid out of an average kid. You can do things to help build, more or less, their ability to function as well as possible in the world given who, what and where they are. To take advantage of what their life has to offer. You can't change what they are.

Things don't get difficult until there is a chance a child will be overall and in most ways below average. Now you may have some life issues to deal with...but even then, merely not being quite mid-average is not going to make alot of difference. But if a kid is average across the board, or overall, thats about as much as most parents can hope for or expect. If your child turns out squarely average...you've won the genetic lottery. There isn't a whole lot in life you can't get from average that you CAN get from above average. WAY above average is required to see a difference, and WAY above average is born, not created. And then of course, that creates other problems. And it requires lots of "way above average" attributes for any particular "way above average" attribute to have effect anyway.

Average expressed is not genius lurking undiscovered. Its just average expressing itself.

Avatar for outside_the_box_mom
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Thu, 05-20-2004 - 3:40pm
My DH had quite the important date. He was pitching at DS' T-ball game.
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-07-2004
Thu, 05-20-2004 - 3:56pm
Self confidence comes from personal accomplisment and where did I say it took her little sister two months to learn what she did in four years? Nothing like a gross exaggeration to make your point when you don't have one. Besides, what music lessons are doing for dd is helping her learn to cope with her defeatest attitude not build self esteem but it accomplishes both.
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-28-2003
Thu, 05-20-2004 - 4:00pm
Okay, I can breathe now. I was imagining you and Jorvia fighting over who would get the bulk of the profits from selling the rights to the movie of the week.

"Unsuspecting," Friday night at 8 pm, a compelling drama about a man juggling two families--one in the fast-paced, concrete jungle of Manhattan and the other in bucolic, postcard-perfect New England--who know nothing of each other. His secret is exposed as two women develop a warm relationship on an internet message board and as they learn more of each other, they cannot believe the similarities in their "dear husbands." Who will get to keep the two-timing, NRA-loving, conservative hunk? The brilliant powerful partner of a NY law firm or the enlightened self-made business woman who loves her quiet life? Or will the two women join together to plot their cheating husband's demise? Be sure not to miss one of the most dramatic cat fights on TV since Krystal and Alexis.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-07-2004
Thu, 05-20-2004 - 4:03pm
I'm not trying to create talent. I'm trying to teach dd that she can do things if she sticks with them and works at it. That one dd is more talented than the other is a fact of life. That is not something I can change and I don't try to. Fortunately, they're two years apart in music classes so dd#2's talent isn't really an issue. It probably will be by the time dd#2 gets to where dd#1 is now but for now, she's sufficiently below her sister that dd#1 is the superior musician. Dd#2 is just leaps ahead of where her sister was at the same age. No, I'm not setting my dd's up for disaster any more than I was set up for disaster by taking piano lessons back to back with my talented sister. The fact I'll never have my sister's talent is just a fact of life. I just had to learn to work harder and accept less. That is just life.

By your logic I should have dd drop out of school right now because her little sister is smarter than she is and I'm asking my girls to compete and setting dd#1 up for disaster by having her continue in school when her sister is, obviously, the bright one. I don't think so. Your logic doesn't work in either case.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-07-2004
Thu, 05-20-2004 - 4:04pm
No dear, he's just a lazy a$$ who wants me to fix his problems.

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