Is is "hard" being a sahm?

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-06-2004
Is is "hard" being a sahm?
2242
Sat, 04-24-2004 - 1:25pm
For many years now, I have heard the claim that being a sahm is the hardest job in the world. I never chimed in, because I didn't know first hand. I stayed home for 6 weeks when my twin daughters, Sophia and Stephanie (almost 4) were born. And that was hard, because I had 2 newborns. Now, almost 4 years later, I have resigned my job and am staying home again. I can god-honestly say that I don't know what's so hard about this. I personally feel like I am on easy street, but maybe that's because I haven't been at it that long. I feel like I am on vacation. It takes no longer than a couple hours a day to do the housework, and the rest of the time is free time for me and the girls. We have gone to the park, the zoo, chuck e cheeses, and I know not every day is going to be like this, but I feel like I am making up for lost time. My children seem happy and relaxed. The only hard thing about this is that they have gotten into some pretty raging fights with each other, but the fights have ended with quick intervention. I guess I am just wondering how long before this becomes "The hardest job in the world" and I start looking like a zombie, complaining that my husband doesn't help me, and so on? Or do I seriously have the choice not to turn into that? Also, do you think that at the rate I am going, I am at risk for getting bored staying home?

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iVillage Member
Registered: 03-07-2004
Thu, 05-20-2004 - 7:02pm
Um, no. I never said he has to wait until I'm ready to retire to retire. He just needs to wait until my retirement is financially set. Once that happens, I can simply stop making contributions to my retirement account and we can live on my income. I would stop contributing to my retirement account when dh retires because we'd need that money to live off of with two kids in middle/high school. If we were empty nesters, I'd be able to continue to save. My kids will be just finishing college when I'm thinking of retiring myself. My biggest fear, and the reason I think dh needs to work as long as he can is I'll be forced into early retirement by HIS health. I would be so screwed on so many levels if I had to quit early to take care of him. As bad as things would be with him alive, they'd be much much worse for me when his parents estate passes to the kids. We, at least, have that to cushion us as long as he was alive. All of that is gone when he dies. Not that I think I'm entitled. It's just that the only retirement dh has ever counted on is something that I will not have when he dies. If it were retirement savings instead, it would go to me before going to the kids so I'd be ok.
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-07-2004
Thu, 05-20-2004 - 7:03pm
LOl, WHY? What did I do that I OWE him early retirement at my expense?? He's the one who never planned.
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-07-2004
Thu, 05-20-2004 - 7:04pm
Thank you. There it no benefit for me if he retires early. Only added risk WRT my own retirement. Plain and simple, because dh never planned, he'll have to wait until there is enough in the bank to insure my retirement. THEN and ONLY THEN can I think about foregoing my own retirement savings so he can live off of my income.
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-07-2004
Thu, 05-20-2004 - 7:07pm
Oh I have said no. Which will lead to the end of this marriage. HE is the one who has to make HIS life what he wants it to be. At this point, I think he'd be better able to do that without me around making him feel oh so unappreciated, lol.
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-07-2004
Thu, 05-20-2004 - 7:12pm
It doesn't. That's a different issue. Why are you so hung up on piano lessons. They're not even a real concern in of themselves here. Dh wants me to do less so he can do less. One of his suggestions was quit piano lessons. I said no. We are not fighting over it. My kids are exposed to no stress because of my insisting on continuing them. I have no idea why people are trying to make it look like switching to another activity, that will likely take more time, is the answer. Let's say I put dd in soccer. Now I have soccer practice 3 nights a week and games on the weekend for a sport dd doesn't like! What did I gain? Her piano practice can be done at our convenience. It generates no laundry and doesn't require hopping into the car to go somewhere. 20 minutes 4 times a week and we're done. 5 times if she's haveing particular difficulty with a piece. Yup, we kill 3.5 hours a week including travel time to and from lessons here. We'd kill far more with a sport or a new instrument she was just learning.
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-07-2004
Thu, 05-20-2004 - 7:13pm
Aptitude. She's on the high side of average according to her testing. She should be doing quite well in school.
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-07-2004
Thu, 05-20-2004 - 7:16pm
Funny thing about mothers. Sometimes they have a clue as to what their children need. When I stop seeing benefits to piano classes, we'll quit and find something else. Yes, dd gets her nose out of joint about twice a week over practicing and refuses to do anything constructive but then there are days when she laughs and carries on when practicing and I do see benefits.
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-07-2004
Thu, 05-20-2004 - 7:21pm
Wow. It's amazing how different people react differently to medications. BTW, have you been tested for allergies to food colorings? We found out, purely by accident, that red 40 and yellow 5 and 6 make my anxiety MUCH MUCH worse.
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-07-2004
Thu, 05-20-2004 - 7:22pm
LOL, the program is not ruining my marriage. Dh and I are in agreement that it sucks. We're in disagreement as to how to handle it. His solution is petition the school board to change it in 5 years. 5 years from now will be too late for dd#1 and dd#2.
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-07-2004
Thu, 05-20-2004 - 7:25pm
Exactly!! When the principal unveiled this program she commented that maybe she would have done well in math with this program. Many people just don't like math. That DOESN'T mean the way they were taught it is wrong. I think many parents see the attempt to make math fun and games and that their kids like it and are swayed. They're not seeing that their kids are NOT learning math in ways that are conducive to higher learning!

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