Is is "hard" being a sahm?

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-06-2004
Is is "hard" being a sahm?
2242
Sat, 04-24-2004 - 1:25pm
For many years now, I have heard the claim that being a sahm is the hardest job in the world. I never chimed in, because I didn't know first hand. I stayed home for 6 weeks when my twin daughters, Sophia and Stephanie (almost 4) were born. And that was hard, because I had 2 newborns. Now, almost 4 years later, I have resigned my job and am staying home again. I can god-honestly say that I don't know what's so hard about this. I personally feel like I am on easy street, but maybe that's because I haven't been at it that long. I feel like I am on vacation. It takes no longer than a couple hours a day to do the housework, and the rest of the time is free time for me and the girls. We have gone to the park, the zoo, chuck e cheeses, and I know not every day is going to be like this, but I feel like I am making up for lost time. My children seem happy and relaxed. The only hard thing about this is that they have gotten into some pretty raging fights with each other, but the fights have ended with quick intervention. I guess I am just wondering how long before this becomes "The hardest job in the world" and I start looking like a zombie, complaining that my husband doesn't help me, and so on? Or do I seriously have the choice not to turn into that? Also, do you think that at the rate I am going, I am at risk for getting bored staying home?

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Avatar for taylormomma
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-23-2003
Thu, 05-20-2004 - 11:09pm

What you do is allow dd1 to find her strengths and play to them. 30 IQ points won't make one bit of difference in lots of different activities. 30 IQ points may not make any difference at all in school if children have different interests and strengths. High IQ doesn't necessarily translate to high grades in the first place, and your dd2 is too young for an IQ score to mean much anyway.


Your girls may decide to compete on their own. Or they may decide to deliberately choose different paths so that they don't compete. The problem is that you are forcing them to compete by insisting they both do the same activity. Let them choose their own activities. You want dd1 to learn to take on something new and that's great, but why does it have to be what you choose? "Because it's working right now" isn't a good enough reason simply because pretty much any activity will work just as well or better and won't carry the risks that having both your girls in the same activity carry.

Avatar for taylormomma
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-23-2003
Thu, 05-20-2004 - 11:17pm

What IS it with you? The world is not full of absolutes. Your dh asks for some attention, and it means your life should revolve around stroking his ego. Someone suggests letting your dd choose an activity that plays to her strengths and it means they are suggesting you flit from activity to activity.


And you are dead wrong. EVERYONE has a strength and everyone has something at which they can excel. I find it chilling that you have such a negative view of your dd. I don't find it surprising since you also say that she is you. Perhaps you should mull that one over.

Avatar for taylormomma
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-23-2003
Thu, 05-20-2004 - 11:18pm
Of course she missed the point.
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2003
Thu, 05-20-2004 - 11:20pm
Isn't everyone really a Republican in THEORY? I mean:

<<1) We don't need corporate regulation since all companies will self-regulate for ethical and honest business practices.>>

Small business are being crushed by regulations, especially wrt health care. Forget about self regulations, they're just trying to tread water.

<<2) We don't need EPA since all citizens and companies will prevent and clean-up their own messes without government intervention.>>

Having worked for an environmental regulatory agency I can tell you horror stories about small businesses and private (responsible party) homeowners who have been ruined by and been forced into bankruptcy by environmental regulatory pick and choose regulations.

3<<) We don't need AA or any other type plans since there is already equal and fair education system for all students no matter social or racial background.>>

No, we don't, not anymore. Lots of people have diverse backgrounds, why should skin color be a factor? If 2 kids from the same proverty stricken neighborhood apply, why should the brown one get preferencial treatment?

<<4) We don't need social security since people will volluntarily save for their own retirements and children will help take care of their parents.>>

Why shouldn't people who want to invest in social security be able to? Why shouldn't those who invest be able to recoup at least some of their own $$ rather than have them all go to current retirees or the disabled? Why can't they KEEP some of the $$ they have earned???

<<5) We don't need gun control since all citizens will be responsible and ensure others' safety.>

This is the stupidest of all energy spent on activism. Law abiding citizens register their guns. Criminals don't give a rat's patoot. They are gonna use their glocks and what not and not care about gun control. Tell me, if you who are for gun control, how are you going to control gun usage amongst those who obtain them illegally?

<<6) We don't need welfare or "leg-up" programs since everyone has adequate education and means to find good employment.>>

We DO need *leg up* programs. What we don't need are entitlements. NO one is entitled to be supported by others unless they are disabled. Not wanting to *give into the man* isn't a valid disability.

Does this mean I'm a Republican????

Avatar for taylormomma
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-23-2003
Thu, 05-20-2004 - 11:22pm

Wait a minute. Just one post ago, she was too timid to try new things, but now it's because she's lazy?


And are you ever going to say something positive about her?

Avatar for taylormomma
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-23-2003
Thu, 05-20-2004 - 11:31pm
It is true when talking about a divorce and not just a spouse being out of town for a while.
Avatar for taylormomma
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-23-2003
Thu, 05-20-2004 - 11:34pm

Nah. Too broad. Plenty of very bright children don't do well in school. Too many variables.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-18-2004
Thu, 05-20-2004 - 11:43pm
LOL. Emphasis is on THEORY......... (BTW, I am neither Republican nor Democrat)


Edited 5/20/2004 11:44 pm ET ET by mondomom

Mondo

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2003
Thu, 05-20-2004 - 11:56pm
I offered some responses to your debatable paragraphs. Can you not offer anything other than *your empasis was on THEORY?*

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-31-2003
Thu, 05-20-2004 - 11:59pm
That book and some Prozac saved the marriage of a relative of mine. They were much younger than the 2 of you, with 2 babies, but there is an age disparity, though it runs the other way, she is 9 yrs. older. She also is an RN, who has twice the earning power of her HS graduate DH. He also could not keep a job to save his life (they met while both were in the military, the one job you can't quit that easily), and affected this brooding, punchy attitude about just about everything. He received an inheritance from his father and totally pi**ed it away like water, all on toys; no savings at all, and no house. No help with the children, either. After they had moved 4 times in 3 years for as many jobs, she was ready to dump him, but after reading the book she decided to chance an ultimatum: go see a doctor or I file. The doctor put him on an antidepressant that was very effective (Prozac in his case) and within just a couple of months, he became a COMPLETELY different person. He is now a really good Dad, has had a steady job for 10 years, is a deacon in his church, and on the local school board (small town.) He has even taught himself woodworking and electrical work so that they can renovate a house.

It is absolutely amazing. When she first married him he loathed DH and I, and told her that he couldn't stand to be around us, or just about anyone else in my family. Now he's the favorite son; always helpful and always up for a laugh.

I'm not saying that this would be a magic bullet for you as it was for them, and maybe a divorce is the proper course for you, but if you do want to give fixing it a chance, I'd say it this might not be a bad place to start. (However, if you try this, find out who the doctor is *before* DH goes, and send a letter to tell them that you are concerned that DH might be clinically depressed, and might actually have been that way for many years. Forewarned, the doctor will spin the exam in a way to screen for it thoroughly and ask about things he otherwise might not. The doctor can't discuss anything with you, but you can send information to the doctor.)

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