Is is "hard" being a sahm?

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-06-2004
Is is "hard" being a sahm?
2242
Sat, 04-24-2004 - 1:25pm
For many years now, I have heard the claim that being a sahm is the hardest job in the world. I never chimed in, because I didn't know first hand. I stayed home for 6 weeks when my twin daughters, Sophia and Stephanie (almost 4) were born. And that was hard, because I had 2 newborns. Now, almost 4 years later, I have resigned my job and am staying home again. I can god-honestly say that I don't know what's so hard about this. I personally feel like I am on easy street, but maybe that's because I haven't been at it that long. I feel like I am on vacation. It takes no longer than a couple hours a day to do the housework, and the rest of the time is free time for me and the girls. We have gone to the park, the zoo, chuck e cheeses, and I know not every day is going to be like this, but I feel like I am making up for lost time. My children seem happy and relaxed. The only hard thing about this is that they have gotten into some pretty raging fights with each other, but the fights have ended with quick intervention. I guess I am just wondering how long before this becomes "The hardest job in the world" and I start looking like a zombie, complaining that my husband doesn't help me, and so on? Or do I seriously have the choice not to turn into that? Also, do you think that at the rate I am going, I am at risk for getting bored staying home?

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iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Fri, 05-21-2004 - 9:08am
I don't know why people aren't getting it. My kids get it. Why shouldn't your husband.

"Mom, I want a game boy advance sp."

"But you haven't saved any of your money for one."

"You buy it for me."

"Excuse me?"

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Fri, 05-21-2004 - 9:30am
That poor kid. To read the things you have said about this girl "my quitter child", "lazy" and everything else...ugh, your horrible attitude towards her just screams from every single post...she doesn't have the misfortune to physically resemble her dad, does she? I simply cannot recall ONE SINGLE OTHER POSTER on ivillage writing about her own child in such a dismissive, unloving way.

And you're not exactly the poster girl for Subtlety, y'know, so the odds of me believing your dd is not aware of your feelings about her and her potential are zilch.

What a shame that your child cannot be free to be a child and simply experiment with a couple dozen of the MILLIONS of activities there are in the world for her to enjoy and discover because you don't have the time or interest in her.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Fri, 05-21-2004 - 9:37am
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Yes it has occurred to me. Which is why its so hard to understand why its so important to you to have her in extra tutoring. A kid who should feel that at least, if she's not achieving what her sister does, is achieving perfectly enough...is being told her enough isn't enough.

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This is the way it is. Whether you see it or not. And your insistence that the B student performance "isn't good enough" - and thats what you are telling her with the extra tutoring - is adding florescent colour to the whole picture. Find a book and read it. I'm sure you aren't "seeing" extra IQ points in kids who took music...you had to read about it. Go read a book a child self esteem and confidence and sibbling rivalry and the impact of parental expectation and reacation on all that.

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You are overrating the value of personal success to a 9yr old. Wildly. I think really it is overrated in terms of anyone. There is always a comparison somewhere. Its not as much about winning competitions as it is about constantly loosing them. At 9 her first arena of comparison is at home with sibblings and she's mostly competing for parental approval. Then at school with the peers. That will shift in the next few years, and you will loose your opportunity to help your child. She'll define herself in terms of peer acceptance and a good looking 13 yr old who has never "been good at" anything is going to really be liking what she discovers. Its probably not what you want. The competitions are there whether you see them or not. You are making the natural effect even worse than they need be with your particular choices for your daughter. You really should give yourself a break, go try some things you've never tried and see if you can find that "hey I'm good at this" feeling. Then maybe you'll have more appreciation for just what your daughter is not being given the chance to experience.

Avatar for 1969jets
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Fri, 05-21-2004 - 9:44am
Well I took 3 semesters of calculus. One of differential equations. One of statistics. I had to apply that math in Chemistry, Physics and my other engineering classes (BS Ceramic Engineering). I went on to graduate school where I took more statistics which I applied in the Economics, Finance and Accounting classes that I took as part of my MBA program. I don't see the problems you see with this program.

I do have a feeling that your school is a bit more rigid in the application of some of the shortcuts that are taught. I also think that your dd struggles a bit in school and that she would struggle regardless of the math program that was used in school. My thoughts are based on your posts although you have not specifically said so.

Our kids, like most students in the US, have been extensively tested by the State. Although these standardized tests aren't the be all and end all of life they do measure general mathematical achievement, expecially when applied to a group of students. Any one student may have had a bad day, but the schoolwide results should give a pretty accurate vision of how kids are doing in math. Our school is consistently in the the very top of our county and we use EDM for ALL students (many schools around here use it only for gifted students). I also know that most kids who have gone from our school to middle school continue to do well in math even though they are mixed with students who have used other math programs in elementary school.

Perhaps the reason you get resistance from other parents is because they LIKE the math program and their kids are doing well with it. Just this morning my middle son informed the family that there were 40 nickels in the 2 dollars he got from the tooth fairy. Not to bad for a second grader. I think he is getting it.

We can't ALL be dumber than you can we?

Jenna

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2003
Fri, 05-21-2004 - 9:53am
If you are concerned with her development, you need to see that she must enjoy at least part of the ride. The attitudes she is forming now (that hard work results in marginal reward and nothing is fun) are ones that will be very hard for her to shake when she's an adult.

I had a friend who was raised in a similar way (though he didn't have the added burden of a talneted, brilliant sibling, he was an only). His parents were gung-ho that he would excel at math and science and then go into computers or engineering or some related scientific field. They gave him the best schools. They pushed him to get an engineering degree. He dutifully complied. He put his nose to the grindstone and got the degree.

Then, engineering degree in hand, he became a bartender.

Avatar for 1969jets
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Fri, 05-21-2004 - 9:59am
But you said the younger one had 30 IQ points on her sister. It would be pretty difficult for her to be 30 IQ points below her sister and still be significantly above average (assuming average is within one SD of the mean). I wouldn't be impossible, but unless the younger one has an IQ near 150 it's not happening. The IQ test most commonly given to assess giftedness was really designed to capture the middle 95% and a child with an IQ of 150 would not necessarily be identified using the more common WISC-III test.

Jenna

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Fri, 05-21-2004 - 10:00am
High side of average in what? Was it IQ testing. IQ testing is weird. How well she'll do in school as a result of an overall IQ above average rating will depend upon what specific elements are where, and how she is able to use this one or that one rated above average to compensate for something rated mid average or low average.



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iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Fri, 05-21-2004 - 10:06am
After all the fuss in recent years I thought most schools use a combination of whole language and phonics in school. Our school uses a phonics based program but they do teach certain whole language type skills (like using context to figure out what a word means and teaching sight words to younger kids) as well. It seems to work well. I volunteer in 2nd grade weekly and they are all pretty proficient readers.

Jenna

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Fri, 05-21-2004 - 10:09am
What are you correcting? Nature? The fact that your daughter's relative strenght's can't be used to compensate for her relative weakness in such a way that her academic performance does not reflect the weaknesses?

Have you ever ever ever for on second considered that you can possibly "win back" more academic ground by helping your daughter to work on and use strenghts rather than sweating constantly over the weakneses?

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Fri, 05-21-2004 - 10:12am
Ok. So you said no to something that is important to him. He's said no to things which are important to you. You are mutually not supporting each other but that is your deal. Why is it going to end your marriage - in your eyes? Isn't it the definition of your marriage?

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