Is is "hard" being a sahm?

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-06-2004
Is is "hard" being a sahm?
2242
Sat, 04-24-2004 - 1:25pm
For many years now, I have heard the claim that being a sahm is the hardest job in the world. I never chimed in, because I didn't know first hand. I stayed home for 6 weeks when my twin daughters, Sophia and Stephanie (almost 4) were born. And that was hard, because I had 2 newborns. Now, almost 4 years later, I have resigned my job and am staying home again. I can god-honestly say that I don't know what's so hard about this. I personally feel like I am on easy street, but maybe that's because I haven't been at it that long. I feel like I am on vacation. It takes no longer than a couple hours a day to do the housework, and the rest of the time is free time for me and the girls. We have gone to the park, the zoo, chuck e cheeses, and I know not every day is going to be like this, but I feel like I am making up for lost time. My children seem happy and relaxed. The only hard thing about this is that they have gotten into some pretty raging fights with each other, but the fights have ended with quick intervention. I guess I am just wondering how long before this becomes "The hardest job in the world" and I start looking like a zombie, complaining that my husband doesn't help me, and so on? Or do I seriously have the choice not to turn into that? Also, do you think that at the rate I am going, I am at risk for getting bored staying home?

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iVillage Member
Registered: 03-25-2003
Fri, 05-21-2004 - 11:11am
OMG! But it's part of the package CLW! The *reward* of actually enjoying is part of the *development* package. It is inextricable. You can still do what is best and she can find she enjoys the ride too. Not mutually exclusive. Your last line is simply horrific to read. You have a rebel in the making and gawd save you when the revolution comes at 15. It's probably around 13 these days. She will reject you. Wholly and completely. And then you will lose her. Save her now! Lighten the f*ck up! Good grief.
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-31-2003
Fri, 05-21-2004 - 11:21am
Just to be clear, the book isn't about saving marriages. It is about identifying patterns in your behaviour and reaction to others that may be harmful or prolong unhealthy situations. In my relative's case, the book made it clear to her that the odds were high that her husband's behaviour was stemming from mental illness, and that nothing was going to be really right until that was addressed by medical intervention. She chose to give the marriage another try if treatment appeared to work. However, even if the marriage hadn't healed, her children still would have benefited, because of the change in their Dad's mental health.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Fri, 05-21-2004 - 12:13pm
Very often in life when you do what you want or persue something you want you end up getting a side dish of what you didn't want along with the main course. The soggy vegetables of life. The waitress of life is just not good about taking special orders. You make sure that main course is worth it. Because you don't leave the table till you eat it all. There is no harm in pointing out to the clueless what the SIDE DISH WILL BE. Sometimes people do what they don't want to get what they want. At this point you get your husband to do it your way by reminding him that at this point, he's either willingly and usefully involved to your specs, or he's out. If he opts to stay he will grow up which means you will later be arguing with him about WHAT you are going to do with the girls and otherwise and WHAT issues you are going to address in your lives and you probably WILL have to give up some of your points to make way for some of his. Once he has them.
iVillage Member
Registered: 02-23-2004
Fri, 05-21-2004 - 12:20pm
That is what I've thought reading this whole thing this a.m.
Avatar for outside_the_box_mom
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Fri, 05-21-2004 - 12:22pm
Give it up, O123. She doesn't get it.
iVillage Member
Registered: 02-23-2004
Fri, 05-21-2004 - 12:23pm
I just feel so sorry for this poor child, living & dealing with this! I've cried, sat here & read some of these posts & cried of how this lady is about her dd (and a few other things that I strongly disagree with but this mostly).

Oh you took the words from me.

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-23-2004
Fri, 05-21-2004 - 12:24pm
Sadly she doesn't have a clue, it is all about her & her way, that is it, that is final.

Sad, sad, sad, sad!

I feel sorry for her kids & her dh!

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Fri, 05-21-2004 - 12:29pm
Sometimes the wife does almost everything domestically and the husband grudgingly does a tiny bit.

These are 6 and 9 yr old kids. In this day and age, they should be in something for some reason. If they were fighting over soccer or piano for this kid...given the circumstance, I'd side with the husband. But over piano or nothing. No. He's being useless and helpless and if HE wants to change something HE needs to engage his brain. There is no question. He isn't even complaining about the activities. The board is complaining about those. The husband is complaining about the attention they take from him. Which is pathetic. Don't mix up the board with the husband.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Fri, 05-21-2004 - 12:38pm
Or then again, sometimes only half a clue. You are missing half the picture.

If you child is good at music and enjoys it you get to kill two birds with one stone by putting a kid in music.

If your kid is not good at music and not enjoing it, you are only killing one bird with music lessons and the OTHER BIRD IS STILL OUT THE FLYING AROUND PECKING AT YOUR CHILD WHETHER YOU WANT TO ADMIT IT OR NOT.

Avatar for ariesgirl26
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2003
Fri, 05-21-2004 - 12:44pm
SAHM's I feel have it easy, why? Because Ive been a SAHM for about 6 years now, and i love it! I woul never trade it for the world, you want to know how many women ask me if I am a SAHM or if I work, I say SAHM, and you know what they say "Good for you!" i could never work while my kids are young, I don't think I could stand having a daycare worker taking care of my kids, only because I like taking care of them myself. i think thought the reason why you think it's a vacation is because of the age of the children, they are 4 years old, you've gotten past the difficult stages, so thats why it's easy for you now. I have 3 children ages 1.5, 3, and 6 years old. i have two girls and a boy. I don't really have many complaints about anything, yes sometimes being a SAHM is hard, when discplining comes into effect, just everyday situations arise which can make it hard. I think raising, a well behaved, good natured child is hard to do. Now a days there is all sorts of stuff to entertain children video games, tv, computers, that make SAHM's life harder, because I am finding that my son who is 6 years old, doesn't want to be around mommy all of the time, which is hard on me, he would rather play, watch tv, do video games then spend time with me. I let him to a point, but I also do things with him. I taught him his alhabet, numbers, how to write his name, teaching him how to read, tie his shoes, even teaching him how to take a shower, thats where the hard part of being at home comes into effect. I learned patience through this. right now my 3 year old knows her alphabet, then i will teach her, her numbers and reading and so on, I'll do the same with my little one. about weekends, I am now enjoying them since my son went to public kindergarten, because I don't have to get up early on saturday or Sunday, before that though it felt like just a regular day, but I am telling the difference. I also am on different schedules, that I made myself so i could I spend, 3-4 or more hours a day with my kids, and still have time to clean, cook, laundry, and do errands. i guess it's as hard as you make it! Is this helpful?


Jessica

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