Is is "hard" being a sahm?

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-06-2004
Is is "hard" being a sahm?
2242
Sat, 04-24-2004 - 1:25pm
For many years now, I have heard the claim that being a sahm is the hardest job in the world. I never chimed in, because I didn't know first hand. I stayed home for 6 weeks when my twin daughters, Sophia and Stephanie (almost 4) were born. And that was hard, because I had 2 newborns. Now, almost 4 years later, I have resigned my job and am staying home again. I can god-honestly say that I don't know what's so hard about this. I personally feel like I am on easy street, but maybe that's because I haven't been at it that long. I feel like I am on vacation. It takes no longer than a couple hours a day to do the housework, and the rest of the time is free time for me and the girls. We have gone to the park, the zoo, chuck e cheeses, and I know not every day is going to be like this, but I feel like I am making up for lost time. My children seem happy and relaxed. The only hard thing about this is that they have gotten into some pretty raging fights with each other, but the fights have ended with quick intervention. I guess I am just wondering how long before this becomes "The hardest job in the world" and I start looking like a zombie, complaining that my husband doesn't help me, and so on? Or do I seriously have the choice not to turn into that? Also, do you think that at the rate I am going, I am at risk for getting bored staying home?

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iVillage Member
Registered: 03-07-2004
Fri, 05-21-2004 - 4:30pm
Aptitude testing. They tested where she is and how quickly she learns and determined she should be about a grade level above where she is. However, if you hardly ever try, you hardly ever learn. There's no reason to have her IQ tested. She's definitely above normal but not so far above normal it would be an issue. Her sister I have to have tested. She could be high enough above normal for it to be an issue.
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-07-2004
Fri, 05-21-2004 - 4:32pm
No I'm not. You are the one who knows nothing about my dd and how she responds. I think I'm in better position to say what benefits my dd than you are.
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-07-2004
Fri, 05-21-2004 - 4:34pm
And you know this because???? You are inferring all kinds of things that just are not happening. There is no competition between the girls. They're two grade levels apart. If dd#2 were ahead of her sister, then yes, I could see it. These are my kids. I see how they respond to each other and I don't see competition in this arena. Neither one of my girls are very competitive. Dd#1 because she's too timid about her own abilities to be competitive and dd#2 because she really doesn't care what anyone else happens to think.
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-07-2004
Fri, 05-21-2004 - 4:35pm
No dear. It's about knowing my kids better than a bunch of posters on a bulliten board. When you see something working, it's a pretty good inticator that it's a good thing to do.
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-07-2004
Fri, 05-21-2004 - 4:37pm
Dd is who she is. Would it be better if I lived in denial and closed my eyes to her issues? Dd has to learn to deal with a few things. She's not hopeless. She just needs someone to work with her and I am. No reason to feel sorry for her. She'll get the support she needs and the opportunity to learn to work around her issues. She has issues that are better addressed while young before they become real problems that ARE being dealt with.
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-07-2004
Fri, 05-21-2004 - 4:39pm
You are totally overlooking that the activies dd is in ARE helping her. That in itself is reason to continue them. No I'm not going to simply not care that my dd has some personality traits that will cause her issues if they're not dealt with. We've found an activity that seems to be helping. No, we're not quitting.
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-07-2004
Fri, 05-21-2004 - 4:42pm
She does enjoy part of the ride. I've said repeatedly, she enjoys showing off once she learns a piece. It's the beginning of the learning process that she has issues with. First it's "I CAN'T". Then mom makes her anyway. Then she starts to figure out that mayb she can and starts practicing on her own. Then she goes to school and cons the music teacher into letting her play for her class. Dd is experiencing repeated success with effort via her music lessons. No, she doesn't enjoy it when the teacher gives her a new piece. She never will but she will learn that it's nothing to be afraid of.
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-07-2004
Fri, 05-21-2004 - 4:44pm
You need to actually meet my dd. I tell you that what we're doing IS benefitting her and I'm told it can't be because if she had her druthers, she wouldn't do anything at all. Some things are worth doing even if the child doesn't want to do them. Kids can, however, get a sense of accomplishment out of learning something they never really wanted to in the first place. Musical training is beneficial on many levels. She'd be in music lessons even if she didn't have issues with defeatism. That's just another perk I see to her lessons.
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-07-2004
Fri, 05-21-2004 - 4:50pm
Actually, she's just getting to the point that she's getting a lot of return on the investment. Learning new pieces is becomming increasingly easier for her so we're seeing increasing amounts of benefit. She still won't pick a piece to learn on her own but it's she no longer becomes anxious when her teacher gives her a new piece to learn. While she doesn't like having to learn new pieces, she's starting to realize that yes she can learn them. Her music lessons are having a very positive effect on her defeatest attitude.

She's just now finishing up her 4th year. She can take three more before she'd have to go into private lessons. It's her choice. She can stay with piano or pick another instrument and join the band at school but music is an important part of education and it will be there. As will things like learning a foriegn language. If I had the option for her to learn one now, she'd already be learning one. Some things are just too beneficial to not do. Musical training is one of them. There is a strong link between musical accomplishment and success in life. I'm not talking talent here or Carnegie hall just the accomplishment of learning to play an instrument.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-07-2004
Fri, 05-21-2004 - 4:54pm
Nope. I'm trying to help dd with issues that will create problems for her later. That is part of a mother's job. I'm not asking her do do anything for me. I'm asking her to do it for herself because I can see where she's headed. Dd really needs something under her belt she's mastered. We started her in piano not knowing of her issues but found that it addresses them quite nicely in addition to the reasons we chose to put dd into lessons. There is nothing wrong with teaching a child to continue to try even when they don't want to. Life will ask that of her over and over and over again. The last thing she needs is a defeatest attitude standing in her way.

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