Is is "hard" being a sahm?

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-06-2004
Is is "hard" being a sahm?
2242
Sat, 04-24-2004 - 1:25pm
For many years now, I have heard the claim that being a sahm is the hardest job in the world. I never chimed in, because I didn't know first hand. I stayed home for 6 weeks when my twin daughters, Sophia and Stephanie (almost 4) were born. And that was hard, because I had 2 newborns. Now, almost 4 years later, I have resigned my job and am staying home again. I can god-honestly say that I don't know what's so hard about this. I personally feel like I am on easy street, but maybe that's because I haven't been at it that long. I feel like I am on vacation. It takes no longer than a couple hours a day to do the housework, and the rest of the time is free time for me and the girls. We have gone to the park, the zoo, chuck e cheeses, and I know not every day is going to be like this, but I feel like I am making up for lost time. My children seem happy and relaxed. The only hard thing about this is that they have gotten into some pretty raging fights with each other, but the fights have ended with quick intervention. I guess I am just wondering how long before this becomes "The hardest job in the world" and I start looking like a zombie, complaining that my husband doesn't help me, and so on? Or do I seriously have the choice not to turn into that? Also, do you think that at the rate I am going, I am at risk for getting bored staying home?

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Avatar for taylormomma
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-23-2003
Fri, 05-21-2004 - 7:43pm

I'm not attacking you. I'm giving you advice.


Tired drama queen theatrics: Your dh did something stupid, and it was very hurtful to you, but it is not the absolute worst thing anyone could have done to their spouse, and if you hadn't already been ready to walk away from this marriage, it wouldn't be a "death knell".


Sing a new song: Simply repeating over and over and over that he wants you to completely reinvent yourself and do nothing with your life but work to make him happy just makes you look bitter and foolish, because everyone else in the world who is not wrapped up in being personally affronted is able to put his actions into both context and perspective.


Get some empathy: Make the attempt to see a situation from the other person's perspective.


Get a clue: Then maybe you will have some idea how to approach the situation and get a different result than the one you have gotten the last 10,000 times you approached it.


As for nothing to contribute to the debate, I'm not the one who has been using some sort of random text generator to reply to what people have posted.




Edited 5/21/2004 7:43 pm ET ET by taylormomma
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-07-2004
Fri, 05-21-2004 - 7:43pm
No, she's just under the misguided impression that she can raise my kids better than I can.
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-07-2004
Fri, 05-21-2004 - 7:45pm
Sorry dear, not taking the bait, lol.

Yes, I will structure my dd's activities as I see fit. I will address issues that I think need to be addressed as they become apparent. That's what parents do.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-07-2004
Fri, 05-21-2004 - 7:51pm
Because without STRONG encouragement, ie simply not allowing it, she would quit. Dd's preference would be to do absolutely nothing. Doing noting requires no risk. She'd rather not have to learn new pieces. She doesn't like facing new things. The first two words out of her mouth are "I CAN'T" no matter WHAT it is if she's never done it before. You would not believe how long it took for her to realize that a IV chord has the SAME structure in all key signatures. Or how many times I've repeated, "If you can play it in Do position you can play it in Sol position". Oh no. Move the notes up and the WHOLE piece is something new and she CAAAAANNNNN'T. Never mind it's the same fingering and hand movements. Dd IS my quitter kid. And that is something that needs to be dealt with. She needs to learn how not to quit. After that we'll start working on volunteering to start. The day she picks out a piece to learn, I will jump for joy. THAT would be a MAJOR accomplishment for this child.




Edited 5/21/2004 10:10 pm ET ET by grimalkinskeeper

Avatar for taylormomma
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-23-2003
Fri, 05-21-2004 - 7:57pm

I know what you've said. You've said it over and over, even when it doesn't have anything to do with what anyone is saying to you.


I don't think you know what I've said, though. Which is a shame, because I have the unfortunate benefit of having lived through almost exactly what you have - and what you are about to.


The truth, which you are unwilling to hear, is that you have been an equal partner in setting up the current situation. No matter WHY you did it, you did it. This was a long time coming, and you are right to ask yourself why you put up with it for so long without attempting to stand up for yourself. It's a shame you didn't ask that question before your resentment was so great that something as minor as this

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-07-2004
Fri, 05-21-2004 - 7:58pm
Um, she does go down the slide and laugh, and ride her bike, and play at the park, and fly kites, and eat ice cream, and watch cartoons. Why must she do things that she laughs while doing 24 x 7? Why is expecting her to do some things that benefit her, fun or not, a bad thing? Dd doesn't spend her entire life in front of the piano or at tutoring sessions. There's a lot of time in the week. Appx 3 1/2 hours is used up on piano and another 5 on tutoring including transit time (when we sing in the car on the way to and fro). I've taken 8.5 hours out of my dd's week for things I believe benefit her. And this makes me a bad mom who can't see the light because????? Dd goes to tutoring two days a week and to piano one. She practices 4-5 times a week for 20-30 minutes. Oh, I also make her read and she doesn't like that either. I guess I should let her stop, lol.

It is a fact of life that some of the things that are good for us aren't things we'd choose to do if given a choice, however, that does not mean they don't benefit us. Things like music lessons and foriegn languages are part of a well rounded education and they ARE beneficial to kids whether they like them or not. Dd has plenty of time for things she likes.

Avatar for taylormomma
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-23-2003
Fri, 05-21-2004 - 7:59pm

No, she's saying that in the long run, the risks are going to outweigh any benefit.


And true to form, you have ignored the fact that she specifically said NOT to quit the piano lessons.


Do you EVER listen to what anyone says to you?

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-07-2004
Fri, 05-21-2004 - 8:01pm
Nope. She's tried several other activities from martial arts to dance to swimming to singing to chess... She didn't like those either. What dd likes is to have all her time free. She doesn't like homework or piano class or tutoring or reading or even coming in to eat dinner. Sorry, but her not liking something does not mean it's not good for her and it is not reason to quit doing something that is benefitting her. If she happens to find something she likes, great but after all we've been through, excuse me if I don't hold my breath. Dd is basically lazy. She'd rather do NOTHING. THAT is NOT an option.
Avatar for taylormomma
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-23-2003
Fri, 05-21-2004 - 8:01pm

<<I got that. I'd just like to understand what the hell's wrong with me that I've stayed in this marriage this long. >>


You might start with learning to actually listen to other people. 99% of the problem with your marriage is a direct result of a failure to effectively communicate.

Avatar for taylormomma
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-23-2003
Fri, 05-21-2004 - 8:06pm

Then why did you claim that her sister has an IQ 30 points higher? You just made that up?


By the way, why isn't it good enough that your child performs on grade level? What benefit do you think there is at this age of performing higher?

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