Is is "hard" being a sahm?

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-06-2004
Is is "hard" being a sahm?
2242
Sat, 04-24-2004 - 1:25pm
For many years now, I have heard the claim that being a sahm is the hardest job in the world. I never chimed in, because I didn't know first hand. I stayed home for 6 weeks when my twin daughters, Sophia and Stephanie (almost 4) were born. And that was hard, because I had 2 newborns. Now, almost 4 years later, I have resigned my job and am staying home again. I can god-honestly say that I don't know what's so hard about this. I personally feel like I am on easy street, but maybe that's because I haven't been at it that long. I feel like I am on vacation. It takes no longer than a couple hours a day to do the housework, and the rest of the time is free time for me and the girls. We have gone to the park, the zoo, chuck e cheeses, and I know not every day is going to be like this, but I feel like I am making up for lost time. My children seem happy and relaxed. The only hard thing about this is that they have gotten into some pretty raging fights with each other, but the fights have ended with quick intervention. I guess I am just wondering how long before this becomes "The hardest job in the world" and I start looking like a zombie, complaining that my husband doesn't help me, and so on? Or do I seriously have the choice not to turn into that? Also, do you think that at the rate I am going, I am at risk for getting bored staying home?

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iVillage Member
Registered: 03-07-2004
Fri, 05-21-2004 - 10:01pm
Thank you. You are correct. Dh is not complaining about the activities themselves. He's complaining about the time he doesn't get. Since his preference is that I just quit rather than he help deal with the time bind, he has tried various angles to get me to quit from the cost issue to my not spending enough time making him feel appreciated. They're all just lame excuses to try and get me to do nothing for dd. Of all the activities I do, my schooling is the one dh would REALLY REALLY like me to quit, Sylvan is second (he's cheap) and piano (by far the least expensive with the most bang for your buck) third.

His suggestions that dd quit to ease up time aren't really suggestions she quit though. They're a round about way of trying to get me to quit one of the other activities in order to preserve one I feel strongly about. It's more of an, if you won't quit one of these than you'll have to quit piano knowing full well that ain't happening. Dh was actually in agreement with musical training and just as baffled as I am that dd has decided on another year of piano. He did think I was starting her too early (she started atprivate lessons at 3 and yamaha at 4) but when he figured out she was one of the oldest kids in her yamaha class he conceeded (like many people he thought you start kids at more like 6 or 7 when their hands develop when in reality they can learn a lot before then.). I've posted elsewhere that before I started back to school, dh did half a year as dd's piano partner because he thought I was too hard on her. He figured out his soft touch didn't work and I went back to being her partner. He no longer complains about me being too rough on her. He now realizes that sometimes that's the only way to motivate this child.

WRT her practice, our days are a mixed bag. Piano practice can be like pulling teeth or like planting flowers. It just depends on her mood. And she is moody. She started developing at the ripe old age of 7 so we're already into mood swings (and crossing our fingers menarche is a few years off). Some days practice is a pleasant experience and somedays I grind my teeth, lol. On a bad day, she plays every note wrong, deliberately. On a good day, she laughs and we have a good time with her practice. I think it's imporatant that she learns that she has to practice on good days and bad days.

And, to the board, before someone slams me for saying she's moody, knowing your children's issues is a good thing. It helps you deal with them.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-07-2004
Fri, 05-21-2004 - 10:04pm
No, personalities are mainly inherited. I see traits in my dd that I dealt with as a child. That's why I recognize them as problems. I don't mean that she's identical to me. I'm referring to us having certain issues in common. I look at her and see the same issues I had as a child. Sometimes she says something and I think "I remember thinking like that", lol. No, she is not a carbon copy of me. She shares some traits I had. That's why I recognize them for what they are.
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-07-2004
Fri, 05-21-2004 - 10:07pm
As usual, wrong again. I'm trying to teach my dd lessons I had to learn the hard way and learned late enough that they cost me. It's not unusual for parents to actually want better for their children than they had. My mother was unaware of my fathers family history so she had no idea what she was dealing with. She didn't recognize problems until I was a teen and by then they were serious and not easily solved.
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-28-2003
Fri, 05-21-2004 - 10:12pm
It seems a bit odd that a 9 year old has absolutely no interests. What does she like to do for hobbies? If she doesn't have any and only likes to sit and really do *nothing* then have you thought about talking to someone like a counselor or having her talk to a psychologist about it?
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-07-2004
Fri, 05-21-2004 - 10:14pm
No, lol. I'm the one LIVING this reality. I think I know what works better than people who have never met my dd and have no knowledge of personality issues that run in my family and how they are best dealt with. We have something that is working. I'm not going to change that without good reason and my dd preferring not to do something that is good for her is not reason.
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-07-2004
Fri, 05-21-2004 - 10:29pm
She doesn't have any hobbies. She likes to play computer games, ride her bike, etc, typical kid stuff. She is however, not interested in joining into activities. She'd rather watch from teh sidelines. She prefers life with few rules or to make the rules up as she goes along. Sports are out of the question, lol. That she has no favorite acivity is really no surprise. She's never shown more than passing interest in new things. Especially new things that require learning. The only way she'd stick with anything long enough to learn enough to decide if she likes it would be if we made her stay with it. I'm just glad she's actually choosing to stay in piano. Well, I would have preferred she'd chosen another instrument but next year will be the first year she's in piano by choice. Hopefully, we're moving in the right direction here.
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-07-2004
Fri, 05-21-2004 - 10:35pm
No, I don't have time REMEBER. This whole thread is about time. You don't know dd. First, she'd never ask to try something new. Second, the only way she'd stick with it long enough to find out if she's any good at it would be if we made her (a painful process) and Third, we already have an activity that is working. No, I'm not going to overschedule my child for the next three years on the off chance she'll find an activity she likes. There's only so much you can do. So far, dd has tried martial arts, cheer leading classes, dance classes, swimming class, gymnastics, piano and chess club. She doesn't particularly like any of them. No I'm not going to run us ragged to try and find this elusive acivity that dd might like. We'd all be exhausted at the end of that trek. And just think of poor dh who would be REALLY feeling under appreciated.
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-07-2004
Fri, 05-21-2004 - 10:37pm
Yup, she is.
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-07-2004
Fri, 05-21-2004 - 10:43pm
You missed the point which was that if one dd being better at something than the other is reason to quit if the one with lesser abilities doens't like what she's doing and you apply it across the board, dd would quit school rather than face competition with her sister. I was showing how rediulous the notion that one dd should quit something that is benefitting her because her sister has more talent. I'm not going to have dd quit piano because her sister is more talented any more than I'm going to have her quit school because her sister is smarter. That is a really stupid idea in BOTH cases.
iVillage Member
Registered: 02-23-2004
Fri, 05-21-2004 - 10:45pm
Maybe she doesn't think it would be any use to ask to try something new.

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