Is is "hard" being a sahm?

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-06-2004
Is is "hard" being a sahm?
2242
Sat, 04-24-2004 - 1:25pm
For many years now, I have heard the claim that being a sahm is the hardest job in the world. I never chimed in, because I didn't know first hand. I stayed home for 6 weeks when my twin daughters, Sophia and Stephanie (almost 4) were born. And that was hard, because I had 2 newborns. Now, almost 4 years later, I have resigned my job and am staying home again. I can god-honestly say that I don't know what's so hard about this. I personally feel like I am on easy street, but maybe that's because I haven't been at it that long. I feel like I am on vacation. It takes no longer than a couple hours a day to do the housework, and the rest of the time is free time for me and the girls. We have gone to the park, the zoo, chuck e cheeses, and I know not every day is going to be like this, but I feel like I am making up for lost time. My children seem happy and relaxed. The only hard thing about this is that they have gotten into some pretty raging fights with each other, but the fights have ended with quick intervention. I guess I am just wondering how long before this becomes "The hardest job in the world" and I start looking like a zombie, complaining that my husband doesn't help me, and so on? Or do I seriously have the choice not to turn into that? Also, do you think that at the rate I am going, I am at risk for getting bored staying home?

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iVillage Member
Registered: 03-07-2004
Sat, 05-22-2004 - 12:03pm
She'll play if she wants to play. It's not mandatory she play for pleasure. Just that she learns what learning a musical instrument can teach her. Music is a valuable part of education. If dd disliked the piano that much, she is free to pick another instrument. She's chosen instead to stay with it. There are things my children will do. They will learn a musical instrument, they will learn a foriegn language, they will graduate from high school, they will go on to some form of college/vocational training and they will work up to their ability all along the way. What they choose to do with any of that when they're adults is their business. My job is just preparing them for life to the best of my ability. What they choose to do with that they choose to do with that.

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-23-2004
Sat, 05-22-2004 - 12:03pm
I'd do whatever I could for MY dd! ROTFLMAO. I don't see any humor in how you are portraying your daughter & treating her! There would be no laziness of not wanting to get her there or pick her up. I wouldn't ambush every little thing that I didn't perceive as interesting or that oh my goodness may be for pure fun & entertainment with no excel feature!

Then let her play in the back yard. Is that such a hard nose concept you can't adapt your silly ways to allow? Doesn't sound like anything in your house is working dear.


I'd take her to dance. I'd get her joined up on a swim team and a cheerleading squad, if those are things of interest. Excel? I wouldn't care. Running her here & there? I wouldn't care. What she wants, what she is interested in would be first. If she didn't want to do these things the I'd say OK. We won't do them. No sweat.

I've got a toddler and I don't enjoy making mud pies, playing candyland, or spending an hour at the park helping her go up & down the slide 300 times particularly every day of the week. But why do I do it? Not so she can excel. Because my little girl wants to play, she wants to see her friends, she wants to achieve the slide, she wants to do it. If she just wanted to go to the backyard, yes, I'd do that.

My mother is now lonely, I hope you don't end up the same way. Talking about lol, you won't be then, she isn't!


iVillage Member
Registered: 02-23-2004
Sat, 05-22-2004 - 12:09pm
Oh no, you wouldn't want her to have any pleasure, would you? Geesh!

"There are things my children will do"

Yes, be da**d if they like it or want to do it, they will gosh darn it! Nice parental attitude there. That is the way to get a child to achieve & excel even if potential is there!

Yes, you will force them to do these things and you may get disowned, not invited to their wedding much less Christmas dinner & the door slammed in your face & caller ID not picked up when you call. Trust me on this one.

I refused to go to college. My sister refused to go to college. Mom still hates that. Well, I was going to be a sahw no matter if I got a phd & I have for years now. Plus I was finally an adult & she couldn't CONTROL my thoughts, what I did & didn't do anymore! My sister refused & is now making a healthy living with a fantastic salary, living a life, having & doing what she wants & when she marries in a couple of years to her fiance' she will continue her work she loves it so dearly. And no college education or formal training beyond high school. My brother didn't have the backbone to stand up to dear old Mom, was forced to go to college, forced to find a major...he ended up quitting after a 3 semesters & is now the owner of 3 restaurants, on the verge of opening number 4.

Moral of the story? You don't have to have a college education!!!!!

Yes, that was Mom's job also. She failed. We all 3 have rebelled at EVERYTHING she tried to do. It is now Dad that reaps the love & rewards from his family & is always welcome in our homes. Not hers, never!

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-07-2004
Sat, 05-22-2004 - 12:15pm
Listen to YOUR self. You don't know my dd or HOW she responds.

There are lots of things my dd doesn't like that are good for her. Should she quit them too? How about school. She doens't like it. Should she quit? Double whammy here since her sister is the smart one. That would put them in competition and make it worse, right? So I guess she should quit. How STUPID is that? You don't decide what is good for a child based on how much they like/dislike it. You decide based on what it does for them. Dd does not like tutoring but she needs it.

Kids do not have to get great enjoyment out of everything they do in order to enjoy life. Dd does not like cleaning her room but it needs to be done. Doing things you don't like doesn't mean you don't like life. How do you get from not liking one activity to not liking life? That's quite a leap there. There are a lot of hours in the day/week for doing all sorts of things. Some we like. Some we don't that need to be done anyway. If all I ever had my dd do was things she likes she'd be a SPOILED BRAT!!!

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-07-2004
Sat, 05-22-2004 - 12:17pm
And I quote "By the way, why isn't it good enough that your child performs on grade level?" This is the question I answered. Grade level IS average. Or aren't you aware of that?
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-07-2004
Sat, 05-22-2004 - 12:24pm
Not an option. Math is too imporatant. Especially for girls. Last time I looked, high schools didn't have different curriculums besides college prep and non college prep and both include taking math.

BTW, you have never met my dd. How is you can declare that she's not going to take math? Of all her scores, her math aptitude is the highest. Has it ever dawned on you I actually know what my dd's strengths and weaknesses are? There is no reason to believe she won't be taking math all the way through high school. What she majors in in college is her business but I'll wager it will have to do with math. She's tried to con me into dropping the reading tutoring at Sylvan and just let her do the math. She likes Sylvan math. She just doesn't like having to go because it interrupts her play time.

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-23-2004
Sat, 05-22-2004 - 12:25pm
Dear. Now I'm ROTFLMAO! You have posted enough about how you are & how your dd is for Dr. Laura & Dr. Ruth to both have new books on the shelf by next week if they can get them printed & to BarnesNoble that quickly for sale! You have given them material for 500+ pages each.

Wiping my diet dr pepper from the screen.......ah, we all need a good laugh, but that one was major.

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-23-2004
Sat, 05-22-2004 - 12:27pm
If she excels at Homeeconomics you will crawl under a rock in shame won't you?

You can join sweet ol' Mom who meant well just like you! She isn't even allowed in my brother's restaurants as a patron!

Bawahahahahaha, now there is something to lol about!


Edited 5/22/2004 12:28 pm ET ET by foreversahwoman

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-07-2004
Sat, 05-22-2004 - 12:29pm
That's right. Because music is a big part of a well rounded education. It doesn't matter what instrument they play. Just that they play one. When something is of benefit, there is nothing wrong with making a child do it. For example. Dd doesn't like school but we make her go anyway. I guess that makes us bad parents, lol.

Why are you so hung up on one activity that happens to benefit dd on multiple levels because it's not something she would have chosen if doing nothing were an option? Doing nothing prepares her for nothing and teaches her nothing. She has plenty of free time to ride her bike or whatever. Her childhood isn't spent chained to an instrument she hates. She spends 20-30 minutes practicing 4-5 times a week. OH HORROR OF HORRORS, ROTFLMAO.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-07-2004
Sat, 05-22-2004 - 12:30pm
Why because I have the sense to know when something is good for my kids?

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