Is is "hard" being a sahm?

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-06-2004
Is is "hard" being a sahm?
2242
Sat, 04-24-2004 - 1:25pm
For many years now, I have heard the claim that being a sahm is the hardest job in the world. I never chimed in, because I didn't know first hand. I stayed home for 6 weeks when my twin daughters, Sophia and Stephanie (almost 4) were born. And that was hard, because I had 2 newborns. Now, almost 4 years later, I have resigned my job and am staying home again. I can god-honestly say that I don't know what's so hard about this. I personally feel like I am on easy street, but maybe that's because I haven't been at it that long. I feel like I am on vacation. It takes no longer than a couple hours a day to do the housework, and the rest of the time is free time for me and the girls. We have gone to the park, the zoo, chuck e cheeses, and I know not every day is going to be like this, but I feel like I am making up for lost time. My children seem happy and relaxed. The only hard thing about this is that they have gotten into some pretty raging fights with each other, but the fights have ended with quick intervention. I guess I am just wondering how long before this becomes "The hardest job in the world" and I start looking like a zombie, complaining that my husband doesn't help me, and so on? Or do I seriously have the choice not to turn into that? Also, do you think that at the rate I am going, I am at risk for getting bored staying home?

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Avatar for taylormomma
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-23-2003
Sat, 05-22-2004 - 12:54pm
Ah. So you DON'T understand the difference between "on level" and "average". Gotcha.
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-07-2004
Sat, 05-22-2004 - 12:55pm
So which is it? Am I supposed to cut back on activities or schedule more. I would feel really sorry for any child who had a parent running them from acivity to activity trying to find the one they like and are good at. What kind of message does that send to the child? YOU HAVE to EXCEL at something!! And I won't stop until we find that something. Poor kid.

Sorry, I'll settle for what is working and leave my dd time to play in mud puddles in the back yard.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-07-2004
Sat, 05-22-2004 - 12:59pm
Ok, tell me what dd feels? You seem to know her better than me. You're not even listening to what I say. Dd doesn't like a lot of things. School for one. Should she quit? The value in an activity isn't always it's enjoyment value. We have an activity that is benefitting dd, this is a bad thing because???? Running her ragged to find this ellusive activity she'll excell at would only send her the message that she has to find something she excels at. Heaven forbid she's like most people and simply has nothing she's particularly talented at.

You are not getting that what we are doing is working. You are not getting that enjoyment is not the determinant of the value of an activity. Dd would rather stay home and watch cartoons than go to school ,however, she's going for the same reason she's taking music lessons. It's good for her.

Avatar for taylormomma
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-23-2003
Sat, 05-22-2004 - 1:01pm

But no one has said that. Not even once.


And hyperbolizing every little criticism into something too large to be addressed is simply a passive-agressive way of getting out of having to attempt change.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-07-2004
Sat, 05-22-2004 - 1:05pm
No, she doesn't have to excel to me. I never said she did. I was told I should go find an activity she excels at. What's wrong with cheerleading (besides it was like pulling teeth to get her to go by the end of the session)? It's not going to benefit her. I'm not going to make her keep going because it's more astetically pleasing to people on this board than taking piano lessons which do benefit her. I've told you that they benfit her and I've told you why. How much we like something doesn't determine it's value. I didn't like history in school but that doesn't mean it wasn't good for me to take it. People here are jumping to the conclusion that activities have no value unless the child is happy about doing them. That is nonsense. I guarantee my dd will not be happy about Monday rolling around and having to go to school. However, she WILL go. Because it's to her benefit. Same reason she'll continue in music lessons. If she hates the piano that much, she can choose an instrument she likes better (except vocal, she inherited my voice, nuff said). However the experience of learning an instrument is beneficial and well worth doing. In dd's case, it helps with her defeatism too.
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-07-2004
Sat, 05-22-2004 - 1:07pm
Care to tell me how young dd was when her unwillingness to try new things manifested itself? Sorry dear but this started long BEFORE piano lessons so we KNOW they're not the cause. We are dealing with an inherited personality trait. There must be a time warp going on here. Piano lessons when she's 9 caused a defeatest attitude to develop when she was a toddler. Um yeah, LOL.
Avatar for taylormomma
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-23-2003
Sat, 05-22-2004 - 1:22pm

Is that some sort of attempt at "I know you are, but what am I?" response?


Let's take a look at what I actually said, and why I said it.


<>


Yes, I would know this, because I have read every post you've made in this thread.


<


Yes, I would know this, because it's a pattern you have repeated since you began posting

Avatar for taylormomma
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-23-2003
Sat, 05-22-2004 - 1:23pm
But I'm not diagnosing your dd. I'm talking about YOU. And you have posted plenty here to reveal the pattern.
Avatar for taylormomma
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-23-2003
Sat, 05-22-2004 - 1:26pm

Sigh. But there is a difference between something that needs to be done because of external reasons (if you don't clean your room, it will be a health hazard; if you don't eat healthy food, you will get sick) and something that "needs" to be done because the parent perceives there's some sort of flaw in the child which needs fixing.


Your analogy doesn't work.

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-25-2003
Sat, 05-22-2004 - 1:31pm

I suggest that you do some reading into the research of Thomas and Chess.

Virgo
 

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