Is is "hard" being a sahm?

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-06-2004
Is is "hard" being a sahm?
2242
Sat, 04-24-2004 - 1:25pm
For many years now, I have heard the claim that being a sahm is the hardest job in the world. I never chimed in, because I didn't know first hand. I stayed home for 6 weeks when my twin daughters, Sophia and Stephanie (almost 4) were born. And that was hard, because I had 2 newborns. Now, almost 4 years later, I have resigned my job and am staying home again. I can god-honestly say that I don't know what's so hard about this. I personally feel like I am on easy street, but maybe that's because I haven't been at it that long. I feel like I am on vacation. It takes no longer than a couple hours a day to do the housework, and the rest of the time is free time for me and the girls. We have gone to the park, the zoo, chuck e cheeses, and I know not every day is going to be like this, but I feel like I am making up for lost time. My children seem happy and relaxed. The only hard thing about this is that they have gotten into some pretty raging fights with each other, but the fights have ended with quick intervention. I guess I am just wondering how long before this becomes "The hardest job in the world" and I start looking like a zombie, complaining that my husband doesn't help me, and so on? Or do I seriously have the choice not to turn into that? Also, do you think that at the rate I am going, I am at risk for getting bored staying home?

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iVillage Member
Registered: 03-25-2003
Sat, 05-22-2004 - 4:08pm

Blech, get off the defensive posting and actually read what I wrote.


And yes, if you picked something like a class, that required tons of practice and/or competitions for the first time a child did it...you DID pick wrong.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-25-2003
Sat, 05-22-2004 - 4:12pm

Trust me, I have my own issues with cheer, but it does teaches team work, acceptance of others, the ability to learn from mistakes along with meeting new friends and aiming towards a self-directed AND group-directed goal.


There IS benefits from it IF you choose a squad that is right for her.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-29-2003
Sat, 05-22-2004 - 4:42pm
Piano partner??? You mean you sit there and watch every note she plays while she's PRACTICING and criticize her for getting them wrong? It's called "practice" for a reason, you know.

No wonder she's moody. It's a good sign that she deliberately gets the notes wrong sometimes. She's strong, so she'll come out of this OK.

You're very big on hobbies. What are yours?

Congratulations! I'm so happy to hear it. I just heard the good news and popped back over, just in case you were still checking in.
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-29-2003
Sat, 05-22-2004 - 4:55pm
Creativity? You must be joking. When she isn't forced into lessons she doesn't want to take, she's practicing with her MOTHER right there on the bench beside her, criticizing her every move. And this is how you foster creativity?
Congratulations! I'm so happy to hear it. I just heard the good news and popped back over, just in case you were still checking in.
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-29-2003
Sat, 05-22-2004 - 5:00pm
No, they're not the cause. They are a symptom of the personality problem.

And I don't mean hers.

Congratulations! I'm so happy to hear it. I just heard the good news and popped back over, just in case you were still checking in.
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-02-2003
Sat, 05-22-2004 - 5:16pm
Lucky you~ I have 3 children ages 14, 11 and 9 and currently a spare who is also 11. I must say it could be that you are blessed with two the same age but when my boys were 5, 2 and newborn it seemed pretty much like I got nothing accomplished each day.

I am not sure I would word it as a hard job as much as the most important job. We as parents have the responsiblity of teaching these children everything they need to know to be good people. That is HUGE! When you get to where it is not about picking up toys and playdates and it is more about trusting that you have taught them well enough to make the safe and good choice for themselves when it gets more touchy. We are responsible for teaching them to handle money well, to be honest, to show love and accept love, to always do their best, to be true to their words, to have integrity, to have faith, to be kind, to be a good friend, to study, to organize themselves, to get good grades, not to gauge people by appearances - yet be intuitive enough to trust when a bad person is near, we have to teach them what relationships and good communication is about.... ok the list is endless. When you get to the point I am and realize how short the time really is with our children being children is when you realize why this is the bigest and most important job we will ever have... we are responsible for guiding another spirit to find their way in life..... do you know you are doing that? I don't - I am merely doing my best everyday.

Also when you get to the place I am and they have school plays, concerts, field trips and sports.... it is a scheduling nightmare. Enjoy this last year before school starts and treasure every moment. Keep in mind it is all about priorities and sometimes people are just making conversation.... sometimes they are complaining because they don't know any different and sometimes others are just checking to see if their life is close to "normal".

Have fun! Courtney

Courtney

There's a great big beautiful tomorrow shining at the end of every day... there's a great big beautiful tom

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-25-2003
Sat, 05-22-2004 - 6:07pm
That's really interesting the way you keep doing that.

You sort of .... invent scenarios in order to dismiss them.

Like the invented scenario that all of these voices in virtual unison over the past week simply "can't see value in any activity their kids aren't in love with."

Never mind that statement has nothing remotely to do with the reality of what anyone has actually said, but that's simply how you will regard these posts .. the better to dismiss them and maintain your stance.

Yeah you dig those heels in. I wonder, what's real in your life?

So the question becomes, if you're not really going to hear anything that's been said, why in the world do you keep inviting criticism? There's something almost masochistic about it. Over 1900 posts, which you admittedly regard as people trying "to tell you what a bad parent you are." And these are probably some of the finest, most supportive posts I've seen, if only to draw you to a different perspective.

Wow. Tell us some more about your childhood. Life with mom. The "non-competition" with your sister who has all the talent and still "annoys" you, but there's no competition. Is your sister prettier than you?

Truly, it would be interesting to know. I suppose the more skilled and experienced and educated in these areas on the board probably already know the answer.


Edited 5/22/2004 6:15 pm ET ET by kamalo2

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-25-2003
Sat, 05-22-2004 - 8:22pm

Can there be a cross between two of them?

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-25-2003
Sat, 05-22-2004 - 8:30pm

My oldest hasn't settled for that line in a very long time.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-31-2003
Sat, 05-22-2004 - 8:35pm
Ironic, b/c it might help her with the one thing you say she likes; going on trips, etc., and spending time at beaches. Have you considered that she could have a very nice career in the hospitality industry? Hotel management and serious cooking are two fields which make that kind of thing possible, and both of them pay rather decently, if you take the work seriously and learn from the right people. The post of executive chef at a fine-dining establishment is not an easy one to get, but it usually pays quite well; one of the few creative professions that consistently does. (And one that it is rare to find a woman doing; serious cooking is a male-dominated profession.) If you don't think you can get rich doing it, just look at Wolfgang Puck and Emeril Lagasse, not to mention the next-tier folks like Todd English, Susan Spicer, and a host of others.

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