Is is "hard" being a sahm?

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-06-2004
Is is "hard" being a sahm?
2242
Sat, 04-24-2004 - 1:25pm
For many years now, I have heard the claim that being a sahm is the hardest job in the world. I never chimed in, because I didn't know first hand. I stayed home for 6 weeks when my twin daughters, Sophia and Stephanie (almost 4) were born. And that was hard, because I had 2 newborns. Now, almost 4 years later, I have resigned my job and am staying home again. I can god-honestly say that I don't know what's so hard about this. I personally feel like I am on easy street, but maybe that's because I haven't been at it that long. I feel like I am on vacation. It takes no longer than a couple hours a day to do the housework, and the rest of the time is free time for me and the girls. We have gone to the park, the zoo, chuck e cheeses, and I know not every day is going to be like this, but I feel like I am making up for lost time. My children seem happy and relaxed. The only hard thing about this is that they have gotten into some pretty raging fights with each other, but the fights have ended with quick intervention. I guess I am just wondering how long before this becomes "The hardest job in the world" and I start looking like a zombie, complaining that my husband doesn't help me, and so on? Or do I seriously have the choice not to turn into that? Also, do you think that at the rate I am going, I am at risk for getting bored staying home?

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iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Thu, 05-13-2004 - 1:49pm

"It's about treating your dh how you want to be treated without necessarily expecting immediate payback."


What does she say about husbands having to be patient without expecting immediate payback? Or is it only the little woman who is to be patient.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 01-29-2004
Thu, 05-13-2004 - 1:54pm
Again, I wish you'd read my earlier posts if you're going to try to poke holes in my account. SOmeone above asked, and I clarified, that the "relaxed" hr is between my DH and his children. That hr - like the very same hr wohms utilize in the a.m. - is my time to shower, do hair, makeup, start the chores for the day.

<> Exactly.

No, DH doesn't always get home at 9pm. My oldest 2 are in bed by 9 p.m.

<> Me: Again, I never claimed to be a martyr. I don't care how many lovely ladies here want to post that same comment! It's just not me.

Also, I have always said, being a sahm of a child under age 1, is difficult, even miserable for the most part. Come age 1, I have always had a marked turn-around and each of my 3 babes have become angels and life gets so much easier.

<> You don't appreciate it when DH is with you to help with the children? Then you must be okay with single parenting. I'm not and couldn't do that. There's a world of difference between "appreciating" and "can't warm up a baby bottle without mom's help."

<> Me: I don't disagree. I never said every single wohp out there gets a lunch hr. (I did work, you know!) I never said sahms don't hire babysitters to get a break from their babes. I have always said, I don't use babysitters with mine being so young, we can afford it, I just chose not to.

You really, really have to read my words. I choose them carefully and I'm not trying to deceive. Gotta go!

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Thu, 05-13-2004 - 1:55pm

I have a friend with four children and she leaves their children alone with her husband...sometimes for (gasp!) the entire weekend. She certainly does not feel her DH is incapable of handling the morning routine of four children. Your post implied that your DH was overwhelmed with three small children. If so, then he needs to work through it and help you out before you explode from bitterness and matyrdom.


Your posts have an underlying tone of overwhelmingness and bitterness. I may not be reading the tone correctly but anyone that was alone with three small children fourteen hours a day with absolutely no break might be a little stressed. Heck, if I was alone with one child routinely for fourteen hours with no break, I would be stressed.


I must need more me time than you but you have admitted that you wished for more time to yourself. Quit complaining and fix it-for everyone's sake but esp. your own.


"I do not want to be a princess! I want to be myself"

Mallory (age 3)

      &nbs

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Thu, 05-13-2004 - 1:57pm
I don't think anyone here is suggesting to cut out your daily shower or grooming routine.

Maybe what it is that you are lacking is a good support system as a parent. Perhaps I think it's fairly easy to SAH because I've always had a ton of family around. I've taken sick days myself without having to have a contracted child care center.. I've been able to take my kids somewhere if I just have a last minute dental appointment, or a hair-appointment on a whim ya know? If I imagine being AH all this time without my family around for those sorts of things, I can see more from where you are coming from. I say, do yourself a favor, find a sitter, find a drop-in child care center or something to help out. A support system is really important for every parent! An hour a day, or even every other day, shouldn't be too expensive, and moreso, the peace of mind knowing that the option is available at any given time!

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Thu, 05-13-2004 - 2:01pm

"You don't appreciate it when DH is with you to help with the children?"


My DH never helped me with the children. He was equally responsible for his children. If he changed a diaper, it wasn't help...it was his responsibility as a parent.


"Then you must be okay with single parenting. I'm not and couldn't do that. "


You aren't OK with widows or widowers that are single parents? Abused women or men who were left by cheating wives (I admitted it Texigan)? Wow. Hopefully, you'll never have to do it alone but, according to your posts, your husband only helps you parent. So, is that like one and half parents or how does that work?

Kristi

"I do not want to be a princess! I want to be myself"

Mallory (age 3)

      &nbs

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Thu, 05-13-2004 - 2:08pm

"If I imagine being AH all this time without my family around for those sorts of things, I can see more from where you are coming from. "


Yes.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2003
Thu, 05-13-2004 - 2:11pm
I agree that it is much easier being a sahm when I get an hour or two without children. This year has been much easier (one in 1 st grade and 1 in preschool) that way and it helped tremedously when DH was travelling. I disagree that most sahms do not have this opportunity. There are many 'mother's day out programs' in the area that start at age 6 months. Some preschools start as early as 2 1/2 (if you are lucky to be enrolled). Many sahms have family around that can and do provide a break. Many sahms live in neighborhoods where there are others around with which they can trade baby sitting services. It had been my experience that most sahms do NOT spend 24/7 with their children and *most* do indeed get a break (the first year is a different story of course, but that stage only lasts one year with each child - but in the first year you can bring a baby with you on a lunch date with a former co-worker). SAHMs might not get a break everyday, but certainly it is there if they want it a few times a week.

I think it is ridiculous to debate which is harder sah or woh. Every situation is different and each of us has our own personalities that make sah or woh easier or harder. For me, woh was easier and sah is a challenge. I'll freely admit, I had it cushy at work and I have it cushy at home. I can imagine a job situation that would make me feel that sah is easier. Okay, I'll stop babbling now.

Janet

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-27-1998
Thu, 05-13-2004 - 2:16pm

<>


You mean like he's doing me a favor?

PumpkinAngel

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-29-2004
Thu, 05-13-2004 - 2:17pm
How dare you misquote me? You are intentionally quoting from my post to Lauraw2, not from my post to you. You know I tailored my post directly to you with your new life as my main concern. I think you are being completely unfair. To both you and Laura, I have been completely consistent that I would never have been capable of conceiving 3 children out of wedlock. I could not start out as a single parent of 3. I would have been incapable financially and logistically. I think you owe me an apology and are for some reason trying to make me out as someone insensitive to your new situation. That is completely unfair because in the past I have prayed for you and your children. I have truly felt for you as one mother to another.

<> I'm not sure what you are getting at? Are you really this mean? Where have I ever criticized you? I never take this place to heart, but you've really upset me in calling me 1.) insensitive to your new situation; 2.) I've apparently had too many children because my DH is not around, and 3.) that my own beloved DH is not a real father. I'm sorry for your situation, but where do you get off?

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-29-2004
Thu, 05-13-2004 - 2:21pm
Thanks! I agree. I do have a bit of a support system among my friends. And I also find strength in church and in the knowledge that each yr my babes are much easier to parent (and will be in school full-time some blessed day!)

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