Is is "hard" being a sahm?

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-06-2004
Is is "hard" being a sahm?
2242
Sat, 04-24-2004 - 1:25pm
For many years now, I have heard the claim that being a sahm is the hardest job in the world. I never chimed in, because I didn't know first hand. I stayed home for 6 weeks when my twin daughters, Sophia and Stephanie (almost 4) were born. And that was hard, because I had 2 newborns. Now, almost 4 years later, I have resigned my job and am staying home again. I can god-honestly say that I don't know what's so hard about this. I personally feel like I am on easy street, but maybe that's because I haven't been at it that long. I feel like I am on vacation. It takes no longer than a couple hours a day to do the housework, and the rest of the time is free time for me and the girls. We have gone to the park, the zoo, chuck e cheeses, and I know not every day is going to be like this, but I feel like I am making up for lost time. My children seem happy and relaxed. The only hard thing about this is that they have gotten into some pretty raging fights with each other, but the fights have ended with quick intervention. I guess I am just wondering how long before this becomes "The hardest job in the world" and I start looking like a zombie, complaining that my husband doesn't help me, and so on? Or do I seriously have the choice not to turn into that? Also, do you think that at the rate I am going, I am at risk for getting bored staying home?

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iVillage Member
Registered: 11-12-2003
Thu, 05-13-2004 - 2:22pm
If she has hair like I used to, it could take a long time!
iVillage Member
Registered: 11-12-2003
Thu, 05-13-2004 - 2:29pm
Exactly.
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Thu, 05-13-2004 - 2:29pm

Explain how I misquoted you...you wrote it, didn't you? Plus, part of my post to you was in your post to LauraW2 so be careful to who is misquoting who.


I didn't realize that you only prayed for those who agreed with you. Thank you for the prayers you have given until this point.


I really didn't mean to hurt your feelings and I know I have been a bit harsh but step back for a moment. You pick at Hollie for taking lunch breaks and talk about how much you would love a lunch break. You talk about your DH getting home past bedtime then mention that he doesn't leave until 9:30 or 10:00. Then, you talk about his long commute and how he needs your assistance in the morning. We give you suggestions about taking a break and how hard it is with small children. Then you get defensive and say that your DH does

"I do not want to be a princess! I want to be myself"

Mallory (age 3)

      &nbs

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-18-2003
Thu, 05-13-2004 - 2:30pm

Choose your friends by their character and your socks by their color.  Choosing your socks by their character makes no sense and choosing your friends by their color is unthinkable.

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-12-2003
Thu, 05-13-2004 - 2:34pm
That's the attitude I'm talking about.
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-18-2003
Thu, 05-13-2004 - 2:34pm

<>


But what you don't understand is this ... 1) WOHMs often only get 10 mins at lunchtime. and 2) you can take more than that if you choose. You simply choose not to.


ARGGGGHHH ... my head hurts from hittitng it against this damned brick wall.

Choose your friends by their character and your socks by their color.  Choosing your socks by their character makes no sense and choosing your friends by their color is unthinkable.

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-29-2004
Thu, 05-13-2004 - 2:37pm
You know what? Let's just take a deep breath, close our eyes for a minute (yes, an entire 60 seconds) and think only of our beloved children's beautiful faces. I think it's time to just move onto the next debate.
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Thu, 05-13-2004 - 2:40pm

You are right about that..hey, I agree with you :) Perhaps we should sing the clean up song and go to the next debate.


I haven't been that riled for awhile..between this and the abortion thread, yelling at my children may not be a problem but I might get kicked off the board.


"I do not want to be a princess! I want to be myself"

Mallory (age 3)

      &nbs

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Thu, 05-13-2004 - 2:48pm
Now, now, now, you're not the Dr. Laura listener you say you are if you think that when she writes "The Proper Care and Feeding of Wives" that it will say that. She has answered that specific question and says there is no NEED for such a book, because if women did what was in the one she DID write, their husbands would fall all over themselves to take care of their wives' needs. According to her, that's because it's really only men, not women, who depend on their spouse for essentially all their emotional support.
iVillage Member
Registered: 08-29-2002
Thu, 05-13-2004 - 3:03pm
I have read your earlier posts and I don't think you are lying or intentionally misleading, you are just presenting the information in a very confused fashion which makes it very hard for me to understand what you mean from the beginning. For example, you say in this post that

" SOmeone above asked, and I clarified, that the "relaxed" hr is between my DH and his children. That hr - like the very same hr wohms utilize in the a.m. - is my time to shower, do hair, makeup, start the chores for the day. "

But your original statement was actually the following:

" He doesn't get into the office until about 9:30/10:00 a.m. each day, so we get him for at least one to one and-a-half relaxed hrs (he's not busy showering, getting ready for work) in the morning. "

You use the word "we" not "the children" in this sentence so I don't think it was unreasonable for me to assume that the relaxed hour involved you as well. On the subject of when your husband gets home, you now say:

"No, DH doesn't always get home at 9pm. My oldest 2 are in bed by 9 p.m. "

But you originally said:

"Many sahms, like myself, have husbands who aren't home until after bedtime."

If your husband isn't home until after bedtime and bedtime for your older two children is 9pm, then isn't it reasonable for me to assume that he is usually not home before 9pm? Or did you mean to say that he is home later than 9pm? Btw, the following statement that you quoted me making is not from me at all, another poster wote this:

<>

Do you begin to see why what you write can be so confusing? I don't think you are intentionally contradicting yourself, but it is very hard to make sense of what you mean at times. Now on to your other comments:

"Again, I never claimed to be a martyr. I don't care how many lovely ladies here want to post that same comment! It's just not me. "

LOL, you certainly don't have to claim to be a martyr in order to actually be one. Ime, most people who are martyrs don't go around claiming the crown.

"Also, I have always said, being a sahm of a child under age 1, is difficult, even miserable for the most part. "

You are forgetting some very important words in this sentence: "for YOU". For other people, being a SAHM of a child under age 1 is neither difficult or miserable. It certainly wasn't for me and I was thousands of miles from home with no family to help from either side and having just moved to a foreign country in the case of each child, so had not yet built up any support network. What I did have was an enormously supportive dh who did not (and does not) work 14 hour days and who was able to spend a lot of time caring for his kids and giving me a break. I used neither babysitters, nor mother's days out, nor dc, nor preschool until each child was over 2 (and then they were in dc). Most of my friends thoroughly enjoyed their babies as well, so I was not alone in this feeling.

" You don't appreciate it when DH is with you to help with the children? Then you must be okay with single parenting. I'm not and couldn't do that. There's a world of difference between "appreciating" and "can't warm up a baby bottle without mom's help." "

I am really not getting this. Dh doesn't "help" me with the children, he co-parents the children. Sometimes I take care of the children on my own, sometimes he does on his own, often we take care of the children together. What does any of this have to do with single parenting?

Laura


Edited 5/13/2004 3:08 pm ET ET by laura_w2

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