Is is "hard" being a sahm?

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-06-2004
Is is "hard" being a sahm?
2242
Sat, 04-24-2004 - 1:25pm
For many years now, I have heard the claim that being a sahm is the hardest job in the world. I never chimed in, because I didn't know first hand. I stayed home for 6 weeks when my twin daughters, Sophia and Stephanie (almost 4) were born. And that was hard, because I had 2 newborns. Now, almost 4 years later, I have resigned my job and am staying home again. I can god-honestly say that I don't know what's so hard about this. I personally feel like I am on easy street, but maybe that's because I haven't been at it that long. I feel like I am on vacation. It takes no longer than a couple hours a day to do the housework, and the rest of the time is free time for me and the girls. We have gone to the park, the zoo, chuck e cheeses, and I know not every day is going to be like this, but I feel like I am making up for lost time. My children seem happy and relaxed. The only hard thing about this is that they have gotten into some pretty raging fights with each other, but the fights have ended with quick intervention. I guess I am just wondering how long before this becomes "The hardest job in the world" and I start looking like a zombie, complaining that my husband doesn't help me, and so on? Or do I seriously have the choice not to turn into that? Also, do you think that at the rate I am going, I am at risk for getting bored staying home?

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iVillage Member
Registered: 05-12-2004
Thu, 05-13-2004 - 3:42pm
ladies,ladies,were all starting to get a little sensitive.i have been a single mom and now i am a sincerely grateful mom with a loving dh.even though my 2 1/2 yr old isnt his hes taken her in as his own and supports us and our new baby without the benefit of child support from 2 yrolds dad and any income from me. the point im making here is instead of beating each other up,arent we supposed to be lifting each other up?everyones situation is different and thats what makes us unique.but,we should all be able to empathize and learn from each other.sahm and wohm are just the same.they are each jobs,because even if u woh,youre still a mommy when youre at work and your job as mommy starts when u get home.they are fulltime round the clock jobs.i would hope we can all stop arguing over who said what and other petty things and start supporting each other.thanks alot
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Thu, 05-13-2004 - 3:43pm
That's one difference between many WOHMs and many SAHMs, I suppose.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 10-18-2003
Thu, 05-13-2004 - 3:45pm

<<the point im making here is instead of beating each other up,arent we supposed to be lifting each other up?>>


Umm

Choose your friends by their character and your socks by their color.  Choosing your socks by their character makes no sense and choosing your friends by their color is unthinkable.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-07-2004
Thu, 05-13-2004 - 3:45pm
Husbands don't have to wait.
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-12-2004
Thu, 05-13-2004 - 3:52pm
hatred and bitterness sounds like your underlying problems.yes,its a debate, not lets see whos a better person and bash the one i think in superior to site.it sounds to me like its just gotten a little out of hand,everyone has an opinion and i was just voicing mine.and i will continue to do so as long as i see fit.if you have a problem with that,i suggest you ignore my posts from now on,because rest assured if you become nasty towards me i will ignore yours.i hope you get into better spirits
Avatar for 1969jets
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Thu, 05-13-2004 - 3:55pm
I was working with an hour and a half. I can't see it taking more than half an hour to shower, put on makeup and dry my hair.

Just for the record, I am currently SAH and I have also WOH so I have perspective on both. Having a lunch time was rarely a leisurely event for me when I worked. I usually was running around trying to run errands. I also frequently had lunch meetings which meant eating on the run.

It is much easier to carve out some time for myself as a SAHM than it ever was as a WOHM. If you are feeling that you are missing that part of your life then you should make time for yourself. You are worth it. But if you CHOOSE not to don't blame being a SAHM for it. Blame yourself.

Jenna

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Thu, 05-13-2004 - 3:58pm
Not all SAHMS! I've always said I'd have to get a puppy after my kids started school, just to help hold off those, "Want another baby" thoughts off.

Her name is Dorie, and she's seven months old. I think this fall when my baby starts school, I'm thinking of getting another one, LOL!

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-07-2004
Thu, 05-13-2004 - 4:02pm
The message I got is that dh wants to be married to someone else. You know, I would have found it less insulting if he'd just had an affair. He might as well. He has delivered the message that I am not the one he wants. Personally, I'm hoping he finds her soon. As far as I'm concerned, this marriage is now in name only. I'd rather he file than me though as I'd prefer we both want the divorce rather than me appear to be the bad guy to the kids. Right now he's crawling on hands and knees trying to undo what he did when he bought that book but it's too late. You can't take something like that back. I would prefer that both of us want the divorce to save the kids seeing one parent divorce the other when they don't want the divorce.

Dh says buying that book was the stupidest thing he's done in his life and he's right. He tells me he just wants respect but now realizes he hasn't done anything to deserve it. He's right there too. Unfortunately, some things can't be taken back and this is one of them. If that's what he thinks of me, he might as well leave. My kids don't need to see me married to a man who thinks I should be a subserviant little wimpette who caters to him whether he deserves it or not. I did get a kick out of telling him "OK, I'll quit my job today and stay home to take care of you!". You should have seen him stammer on that one. I out earn him by about 30K and I'm the one with the bennies. I figure the only reason he's going to the lengths he is to try and save our marriage is he doesn't want to face the financial repercushions of a divorce. He's already told me what he really thinks of me and it wasn't much.

The way to tell your spouse you're not getting what you need out of a relationship is with honey, not vinegar. In times past, if I wanted more attention from dh, I'd hire a sitter and make a date. I'd make a special dinner. I'd rent a movie he wanted to see knowing full well I'd be sitting through one I wastn't that interested in. I wonder what his reaction would have been if I had bought him the book "The proper care and feeding of wives"? I'll bet it would have been bad. The problem with this book is that it's one way The message dh delivered was it's all about him. To hell with me. I'm just here to make him happy and I'm failing at that. All I can say is he can start looking for his next wife any time now.

Avatar for ahlmommy
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Thu, 05-13-2004 - 4:09pm
I would never call it the hardest job in the world but I would definately say for ME that it is a lot more time consuming, and is a lot more tiring than when I was a WOHM. You may only have 2 hours of housework per day but I have a lot more than that. I have 3 children. I get up in the morning, shower, and take the oldest to school. My son has preschool for 4 hours per day 3 days per week, so those days I drive him there, and pick him up. I also pick my oldest up from her school. I bet I spend close to 2 hours per day just do laundry, and cleaning up after my kids. Good grief I spend 45 minutes per day driving my oldest to school, and when DS has preschool I spend over an hour in the car. My youngest is only 2 so I have to spend a lot of time watching her, I prepare dinner, while she naps, and make the beds, etc. I also take care of the budget in our family so once a week I sit down to pay bills. One thing I would say you have in your favor is that you have twin girls that are older. I know when my son has a friend over my life is quite easier. He has a playmate to do things with and stays busy so I can get other things done. While I know different people have different lifestyles, for me personally being at home is a lot harder, but is it the hardest thing in the world?? Probably not. But it ranks high up there.


Edited 5/13/2004 4:15 pm ET ET by ahlmommy
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Thu, 05-13-2004 - 4:16pm
Sorry to hear it :(

My best wishes are with you and your children.

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