Is is "hard" being a sahm?

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-06-2004
Is is "hard" being a sahm?
2242
Sat, 04-24-2004 - 1:25pm
For many years now, I have heard the claim that being a sahm is the hardest job in the world. I never chimed in, because I didn't know first hand. I stayed home for 6 weeks when my twin daughters, Sophia and Stephanie (almost 4) were born. And that was hard, because I had 2 newborns. Now, almost 4 years later, I have resigned my job and am staying home again. I can god-honestly say that I don't know what's so hard about this. I personally feel like I am on easy street, but maybe that's because I haven't been at it that long. I feel like I am on vacation. It takes no longer than a couple hours a day to do the housework, and the rest of the time is free time for me and the girls. We have gone to the park, the zoo, chuck e cheeses, and I know not every day is going to be like this, but I feel like I am making up for lost time. My children seem happy and relaxed. The only hard thing about this is that they have gotten into some pretty raging fights with each other, but the fights have ended with quick intervention. I guess I am just wondering how long before this becomes "The hardest job in the world" and I start looking like a zombie, complaining that my husband doesn't help me, and so on? Or do I seriously have the choice not to turn into that? Also, do you think that at the rate I am going, I am at risk for getting bored staying home?

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iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Fri, 05-14-2004 - 2:43pm

I was very sad when my oldest started school.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 08-12-2003
Fri, 05-14-2004 - 3:15pm

Ah, here we go: www.autism.ppd.net/DrLauraon/html


These parents of autistic children did not find her comments compassionate or helpful.

 

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-07-2004
Fri, 05-14-2004 - 4:04pm
No, the book only works on women stupid enough to think they're supposed to bend to their dh's whim and that their primary concern is his happiness. I am not something to be remade in the image dh wants and my purpose in life isn't to insure his happiness. I'm a person in my own right. It is insulting to have Dr. Hypocrite tell you you need to bend to your dh's whims but she's just a shock jock out to make a buck so what she says should be taken in context. However, it's really insulting to have your dh hand you her book telling you to bend to his whim so HE can be happy (his happiness is the only think important here you know, UGH). My pupose in life is NOT to be remade in the image of some fantasy dh has. You, obviously, don't think much of yourself if you think yours is.

No, it doesn't take a good man in order for this book to work. A good man wouldn't buy it and an intelligent woman wouldn't think it's necessary for her to cater to her dh's whims deserved or not. It is for this reason this marriage must now end. My dd's WILL NOT grow up in a household where their father thinks my role in life is to please him. I WILL NOT set that kind of example for my dd's. Pleasing some man is not what women are put on this earth for. My dd's will grow up seeing that women are people in their own right. Not subservient little whimpettes whose purpose is to please their dh's whether he pleases them or not. It blows my mind that any woman would think she should.

It is not solely the woman's responsibility to make her man happy. Her happiness counts too. I would be an awful mother if I let my dd's grow up with a mother who modeled that it's the woman's responsibility to keep her man happy. We left those days behind about 50 years ago. Dr. Hypocrite needs to catch up with the times.




Edited 5/14/2004 4:49 pm ET ET by grimalkinskeeper

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-07-2004
Fri, 05-14-2004 - 5:00pm
Thanks. I may take you up on that when I feel like venting. Right now, I'm just hurting. While our marriage hasn't been romantic for a long time, it was kind of like a comfortable pair of old jeans. Time to throw them in the rag bag.


Edited 5/14/2004 5:09 pm ET ET by grimalkinskeeper
iVillage Member
Registered: 11-12-2003
Fri, 05-14-2004 - 5:54pm
It's not like she's totally uncredentialed.. she has a PhD in physiology and is a licensed marriage and family counselor... that doesn't mean I take her word as the end all be all, but she's better qualified to give advice then say, I am.
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Fri, 05-14-2004 - 5:56pm
LOL. yeah, big bad Hollie!!! ......shudder.........LOL, NOT!!
iVillage Member
Registered: 11-12-2003
Fri, 05-14-2004 - 5:59pm
Ok, you can vent all you want.
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Fri, 05-14-2004 - 5:59pm
LOL. dontcha hate when that happens???!! LOL
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-18-2003
Fri, 05-14-2004 - 6:21pm

<<While our marriage hasn't been romantic for a long time, it was kind of like a comfortable pair of old jeans. Time to throw them in the rag bag. >>


That's how I felt for the last 2-3 years ... before the affair. Wish I'd gone out and put on some sequin patches or something.


If you both want it, you can repair those comfortable old jeans ... if not, the rag bag now is better than than getting huge holes in them later on.

Choose your friends by their character and your socks by their color.  Choosing your socks by their character makes no sense and choosing your friends by their color is unthinkable.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-07-2004
Fri, 05-14-2004 - 6:22pm
And you can go through life thinking the woman's purpose in life is the man's happiness and that it's up to her to insure it. NOT in THIS house. I will set a better example than that for my childre WRT women, how we should be treated and what marriage is all about. Do you really think putting the responsiblity for a man's happiness on a woman's shoulders isn't putting her in a subservient position? Obviously, you don't think so but I think I'm worth more than that. No, I'm not going to cater to my dh regardless of whether he deserves it and whether or not there will be reciprocation. IMO, marriage is a two way street not the one way one Dr. Hypocrite presents in her book. It's not my job to see to dh's happiness as he and Laura S seem to think. My daughters deserver a better role model for a mother than what Laura S. would have me be. I'd rather do as she does than as she says, lol.

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