Is is "hard" being a sahm?

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-06-2004
Is is "hard" being a sahm?
2242
Sat, 04-24-2004 - 1:25pm
For many years now, I have heard the claim that being a sahm is the hardest job in the world. I never chimed in, because I didn't know first hand. I stayed home for 6 weeks when my twin daughters, Sophia and Stephanie (almost 4) were born. And that was hard, because I had 2 newborns. Now, almost 4 years later, I have resigned my job and am staying home again. I can god-honestly say that I don't know what's so hard about this. I personally feel like I am on easy street, but maybe that's because I haven't been at it that long. I feel like I am on vacation. It takes no longer than a couple hours a day to do the housework, and the rest of the time is free time for me and the girls. We have gone to the park, the zoo, chuck e cheeses, and I know not every day is going to be like this, but I feel like I am making up for lost time. My children seem happy and relaxed. The only hard thing about this is that they have gotten into some pretty raging fights with each other, but the fights have ended with quick intervention. I guess I am just wondering how long before this becomes "The hardest job in the world" and I start looking like a zombie, complaining that my husband doesn't help me, and so on? Or do I seriously have the choice not to turn into that? Also, do you think that at the rate I am going, I am at risk for getting bored staying home?

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iVillage Member
Registered: 03-07-2004
Sat, 05-15-2004 - 7:57am
I just read the part dh highlighted. That was enough. Sorry but my purpose in life is not to see to his happiness. If he's that unhappy and he thinks he needs me to change to change that, he needs a different wife. One who will gladly go about the business of seein to his happiness without regard to her own.
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Sat, 05-15-2004 - 8:15am
Yeah? Well, I know at least one guy who would sooner chew off his own leg than talk to any person with a Y chromosome about the mere fact of experiencing a problem, much less that he had an emotion regarding it.
iVillage Member
Registered: 12-12-2002
Sat, 05-15-2004 - 8:39am
I guess it is a good thing that you are going to leave your husband then, because if you have NO desire to make him happy, what is the point.

Okmrsmommy-36, CPmom to DD-16 and DS-14

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-07-2004
Sat, 05-15-2004 - 9:02am
I said it is not my purpose in life and it shouldn't be. Believe it or not, women are people in their own right not pawns in a game of keeping dh happy. On the bright side, maybe his next wife will be a subservient little wimpette who will cater to him with no thought of herself.
Avatar for ahlmommy
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Sat, 05-15-2004 - 9:05am
Like I said before...You can't say a word. You haven't read the book. Only a few sentences. Try reading the book it makes a lot of sense. It isn't about making your husband happy regardless of the outcome. I was telling a friend about the book. She was in the process of telling me that her husband was all over her lately. i.e. snuggling on the couch, hugging her from behind all the time. She has 2 small children and was telling me that having him hang on her like her kids do all day was irritating her. That all she wanted to do was sleep. I asked her WHAT ARE YOU THINKING?? I asked her WHY she was refusing his attention, and sex???? She said she was too tired. I told her that it is horrible that she treat her husband that way, and that all he wanted to do was love her. I said you should suck it up and return his affection. That she would probably enjoy herself and release a lot of her tension of the day. She said Have sex with him even though I am not in the mood?? I said YES!! She said that would make her resentful of him. I asked her what did she think he was, now that she was rejecting him all the time. She said she could care less...that if she is tired then he needs to get over it. Then I asked her...What if when they are ready to have their third child and she KNEW she was ovulating and she said OK Honey....I am ready...and he turned to her and said..NAH I am too tired...HOW would she feel? She got very quiet and then she asked could she borrow my book. That is what I got from the book. Did I mention that she and her husband thanked me endlessly for letting her borrow my copy of the book? She said things have NEVER been better in their marriage. She thought just like you that it would make her be a wimp...In reality...She is wearing the pants more so than ever.
Avatar for ahlmommy
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Sat, 05-15-2004 - 9:11am
So I will ask you? Do you try to make your children happy? Do you make them dinner, tuck them in, hug and kiss them, have nice birthday parties for them? Or is that their responsiblity? With an attitude like yours...you will be happier divorced.
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Sat, 05-15-2004 - 9:16am
There is a huge middle ground between feeling that you have no part in making your spouse happy and being a subservient little wimpette who will cater to them with no thought of yourself. Most people who have found that middle ground I think are much happier in their marriages.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-25-2003
Sat, 05-15-2004 - 9:16am

First, I want to say that I am sorry about the road you are getting to travel.

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-12-2002
Sat, 05-15-2004 - 9:18am

Doing for others, and doing things that make others happy is NOT being "a subservient little wimpette".

Okmrsmommy-36, CPmom to DD-16 and DS-14

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-25-2003
Sat, 05-15-2004 - 9:18am

I think her question was more along the lines of do you think about yourself first and foremost or have you ever put his needs first and above your own.


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