Is is "hard" being a sahm?

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-06-2004
Is is "hard" being a sahm?
2242
Sat, 04-24-2004 - 1:25pm
For many years now, I have heard the claim that being a sahm is the hardest job in the world. I never chimed in, because I didn't know first hand. I stayed home for 6 weeks when my twin daughters, Sophia and Stephanie (almost 4) were born. And that was hard, because I had 2 newborns. Now, almost 4 years later, I have resigned my job and am staying home again. I can god-honestly say that I don't know what's so hard about this. I personally feel like I am on easy street, but maybe that's because I haven't been at it that long. I feel like I am on vacation. It takes no longer than a couple hours a day to do the housework, and the rest of the time is free time for me and the girls. We have gone to the park, the zoo, chuck e cheeses, and I know not every day is going to be like this, but I feel like I am making up for lost time. My children seem happy and relaxed. The only hard thing about this is that they have gotten into some pretty raging fights with each other, but the fights have ended with quick intervention. I guess I am just wondering how long before this becomes "The hardest job in the world" and I start looking like a zombie, complaining that my husband doesn't help me, and so on? Or do I seriously have the choice not to turn into that? Also, do you think that at the rate I am going, I am at risk for getting bored staying home?

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iVillage Member
Registered: 09-25-2003
Sat, 05-15-2004 - 11:44am

I'm not grimalkinskeeper, but my perspective on your questions are this:


1).

Virgo
 
iVillage Member
Registered: 06-27-1998
Sat, 05-15-2004 - 11:44am
I'm confused....why is it the wife's job to make her husband happy?

PumpkinAngel

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-07-2004
Sat, 05-15-2004 - 11:57am
I read enough. A dh's happiness is not the only consideration and shouldn't be the primary consideration of his DW. That debases her.
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Sat, 05-15-2004 - 11:57am
I don't think that it is dependent on someone else but if my DH choose me to be in his life for the rest of his life then don't you think that I am a part of his happiness (as he is mine).

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-07-2004
Sat, 05-15-2004 - 12:08pm
Thank you. As a matter of fact, in our current circumstance, it is within dh's power moreso than mine to improve the situation. My lifestyle is too hectic right now but it has to be or we face an uncertain future. Since what makes it hectic are all things of my choosing (in the long run they will make life better for all), I have taken the responsiblity to seeing that they get done. If dh decided to help, there'd be a lot more time for us. Don't get me wrong. I don't fault him for not helping. These are things of my choosing but they all cut into time we have available. To change anything, more time is needed. Dh has the power to make that happen. Instead, he gives me Laura S's instruction manual for making HIM HAPPY???? Excuse me for being puzzled on that one, lol.

My take is if things need to be improved than WE need to do it not ME. It's my my fault alone if things aren't what he wants them to be and not my responsiblity alone to make it happen FOR HIM!! I find the notion that the woman bears the responsibility for the happiness of the marriage/her dh out dated and repulsive. This is a throw back to the days when women weren't considered people. Marriage should be a two way street. Yup, I expect something in return. Why wouldn't I? If I get nothing out of this relationship, why bother? I and my marriage are not about making dh happy. Don't get me wrong. That's not to say I don't do things just to be nice but I EXPECT the same from dh. I'm not going to sit around and play how to make his life happier expecting nothing in return. Anyone who suggests I should doesn't think much of women.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-07-2004
Sat, 05-15-2004 - 12:37pm
Sorry, the book got burned and left in a pile of ashes for dh to find along with a note telling him to get a lawyer but I got the message. The gist was that dh's happiness should be my first concern. I didn't read a thing about my happiness being his concern. Apparently, it only goes one way. What I read was all about his feelings and how I should cater to them.
iVillage Member
Registered: 06-27-1998
Sat, 05-15-2004 - 12:38pm
Yes to a certain extent and in a happy marriage.

PumpkinAngel

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-07-2004
Sat, 05-15-2004 - 12:43pm
Yes. This is not a book I'd choose to read on my own anyway. To have it handed to me with the imporatant parts highlighted is a major insult. Anywone who would do that wants a divorce, IMO. I had fun with dh though. I asked him why he doesn't take the good doctors advice and go get a job which allows him to support his family with me SAH, lol. He didn't like that. Seems he wants to pick and choose what parts of her advice he wants to take based on what HE likes. Don't get me wrong, I like working but dh is picking what he likes from her advice just as he picked out of the book what he liked. I could see it if he really bought into her advice but he doesn't. He wants me working, he has no issues with dc but he wants the subservient little housewife whose duty it is to keep him happy. You can't have it both ways. Even if I did SAH, I still wouldn't make his happiness my primary concern. IMO, working towards happiness is mutual not something that falls on the wifes shoulders.
iVillage Member
Registered: 09-25-2003
Sat, 05-15-2004 - 12:57pm

While I agree with you that we should do things for our spouses from our hearts, not in an effort to 'get' them to do something for us. . .or because we can then expect them to do something for us, there is a point where all give and no get sucks.


I do things for my husband that make him happy. . .because I want to, not because in doing so I can then expect something from him in return. . .but you better believe if I never got anything in return I'd want to do a whole lot less.

Virgo

Virgo
 
iVillage Member
Registered: 09-25-2003
Sat, 05-15-2004 - 1:14pm

I wish we could ask the dh in this situation the same 2 questions you just posed.

Virgo
 

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