Is is "hard" being a sahm?

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-06-2004
Is is "hard" being a sahm?
2242
Sat, 04-24-2004 - 1:25pm
For many years now, I have heard the claim that being a sahm is the hardest job in the world. I never chimed in, because I didn't know first hand. I stayed home for 6 weeks when my twin daughters, Sophia and Stephanie (almost 4) were born. And that was hard, because I had 2 newborns. Now, almost 4 years later, I have resigned my job and am staying home again. I can god-honestly say that I don't know what's so hard about this. I personally feel like I am on easy street, but maybe that's because I haven't been at it that long. I feel like I am on vacation. It takes no longer than a couple hours a day to do the housework, and the rest of the time is free time for me and the girls. We have gone to the park, the zoo, chuck e cheeses, and I know not every day is going to be like this, but I feel like I am making up for lost time. My children seem happy and relaxed. The only hard thing about this is that they have gotten into some pretty raging fights with each other, but the fights have ended with quick intervention. I guess I am just wondering how long before this becomes "The hardest job in the world" and I start looking like a zombie, complaining that my husband doesn't help me, and so on? Or do I seriously have the choice not to turn into that? Also, do you think that at the rate I am going, I am at risk for getting bored staying home?

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iVillage Member
Registered: 11-12-2003
Sat, 05-15-2004 - 1:15pm
Says the woman with the falling apart marriage to the one with a great marriage.
iVillage Member
Registered: 11-12-2003
Sat, 05-15-2004 - 1:29pm
The assumption by whom? People who DON'T listen to the program?
iVillage Member
Registered: 09-25-2003
Sat, 05-15-2004 - 1:30pm

Do you really think that if a wife truly felt that her dh was doing anything to make her happy or her life easier, that she'd begrudge him the same?


Doesn't sound to me as if the OP's dh is doing squat to make her life easier. . .so I sure understand her frustration that he's bringing up to her how SHE's not measuring up to his expectations in that area. . .when he's not doing it either.

Virgo
 
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Sat, 05-15-2004 - 1:31pm
What??? What????? Wait a minute!!! Her HUSBAND buys that trash in a passive aggressive attempt to "motivate" her to making HIM happy, and SHE'S the one with the problem???????

She doesn't have to read one stinking LINE from that....er...."book" to be thoroughly insulted by the "gesture"...basically her husband--out of the blue--gave her the finger.

Call me crazy, but *I* would consider that an offensive move by my partner and would NOT consider MYSELF to blame for it.

If EITHER partner has a problem with the relationship, the proper approach is to be HONEST about it, not passive aggressively buy a book that's supposed to change the OTHER partner.

Put it another way, in our house, if anyone sees something that needs doing, it's the responsibility of THAT person to change it/do it. It's simply unacceptable for anyone in this house to tell someone else "hey, the kitchen's dirty." with the expectation that the OTHER person will clean it with no help from the person who noticed and commented. What *is* acceptable is to say, 'hey, the kitchen's dirty; would you help me clean it?"

Her husband would have been much more of a man to have simply said, "CLW, I see a problem in our relationship and I need your help to fix it." instead of handing her that hideous excuse for advice and standing back and waiting for HER to change.

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-25-2003
Sat, 05-15-2004 - 1:35pm

To someone without much knowledge of advanced degrees or of 'fancy words' like psychology, psychiatry, physiology. . .gee, they sound alike, aren't they kinda related?


To the average consumer, that's who it matters to. . .that's who could be confused.

Virgo

Virgo
 
iVillage Member
Registered: 09-25-2003
Sat, 05-15-2004 - 1:38pm
Cue the "Hallelujah" Chorus. . .You nailed that one!

Virgo

Virgo
 
iVillage Member
Registered: 11-12-2003
Sat, 05-15-2004 - 1:38pm

Well how about because THAT IS NOT WHAT THE DARN BOOK IS ABOUT!!!!!!

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-25-2003
Sat, 05-15-2004 - 1:41pm

Yes, yes, yes!

Virgo
 
iVillage Member
Registered: 11-12-2003
Sat, 05-15-2004 - 1:42pm

>>Huh?

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-07-2004
Sat, 05-15-2004 - 1:43pm
Not quite. There are a thousand things dh could have done besides insult me and tell me it's all my fault if what he wanted was me. What this tells me is that dh DOES NOT want me. At least not me as I am now. He wants me to be remade in some image he would prefer. I see it as someone who is totally self centered and thinks the world should revolve around him. I see it as someone who thinks he bears no responsiblity for the condition of our marriage. I see it as someone who heard Laura S. tell him it's all my fault and be bought into it because it's easier than trying to fix things himself. Life is grand if he can guilt me into doing what he wants only he forgot my opionion of Laura S. I rarely agree with what she says.

I see it as someone who doesn't care one IOTA for me (the really sad part because I actually believed dh cared before he bought the book). I see it as someone who, obviously, doesn't want to be married to me anymore. He's about to get his wish. He's backpeddling really hard right now but that's just because a divorce devestates (sp? too lazy to look it up) him financially. Someone who cares about their spouse does not do something like buy this book for her. That is the action of someone who cares only for himself and not at all for his spouse. That's the hard part to take. The realization that this means dh cares nothing for me. Probably never did. I'm just a convenience item here for one purpose. To make him happy. Unfortunately, for him, I think more of myself than he does.

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