Is is "hard" being a sahm?

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-06-2004
Is is "hard" being a sahm?
2242
Sat, 04-24-2004 - 1:25pm
For many years now, I have heard the claim that being a sahm is the hardest job in the world. I never chimed in, because I didn't know first hand. I stayed home for 6 weeks when my twin daughters, Sophia and Stephanie (almost 4) were born. And that was hard, because I had 2 newborns. Now, almost 4 years later, I have resigned my job and am staying home again. I can god-honestly say that I don't know what's so hard about this. I personally feel like I am on easy street, but maybe that's because I haven't been at it that long. I feel like I am on vacation. It takes no longer than a couple hours a day to do the housework, and the rest of the time is free time for me and the girls. We have gone to the park, the zoo, chuck e cheeses, and I know not every day is going to be like this, but I feel like I am making up for lost time. My children seem happy and relaxed. The only hard thing about this is that they have gotten into some pretty raging fights with each other, but the fights have ended with quick intervention. I guess I am just wondering how long before this becomes "The hardest job in the world" and I start looking like a zombie, complaining that my husband doesn't help me, and so on? Or do I seriously have the choice not to turn into that? Also, do you think that at the rate I am going, I am at risk for getting bored staying home?

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iVillage Member
Registered: 11-12-2003
Sat, 05-15-2004 - 1:45pm
Now I know you didn't read the book.
iVillage Member
Registered: 09-25-2003
Sat, 05-15-2004 - 1:45pm

Then why didn't HER HUSBAND start giving to her or step up his current efforts of giving (giving him the benefit of the doubt) in an effort to get the ball rolling instead of giving the book to her to start the process.


Why couldn't HE start the process?


Oh, I know, because that's not what the book is about, right. . .it's not about the proper care and feeding of women/wives. . .it's about what women are supposed to do for men.

Virgo
 
iVillage Member
Registered: 09-25-2003
Sat, 05-15-2004 - 1:48pm

Gee, I must have one freak of a husband then. . .cause he knows what to do to make me happy. . .in little ways and big ways. . .


And in my own situation, I think I'm way more emotionally complicated than my husband is. . .

Virgo

Virgo
 
iVillage Member
Registered: 11-12-2003
Sat, 05-15-2004 - 1:48pm
You do realize I recommended this book to a dad who worked his a$$ off and his wife did nothing, right?
iVillage Member
Registered: 11-12-2003
Sat, 05-15-2004 - 1:51pm
I think if she is going to tell all of us what the book is about then she better have read it.
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-07-2004
Sat, 05-15-2004 - 1:52pm
Caring about your spouses happiness is one thing. Being told it's your responsiblity to see to their happiness is quite another. I agree that it is not possible for one spouse to make the other happy and that happiness comes from within, which is why I don't have any problem with my happiness level in spite of having far more on my plate than I can handle (dealing with the stress is quite another issue but, fortunately, there is help for that). I don't expect outside things or others to make me happy. I either choose to be happy within my situation or work to change my situation. I was not happy waiting for the axe to fall at work knowing that I would have to figure out, in short order, how to support this family so I decided to take the issue into my own hands and go back to school. Yes, this means I have less time for dh, however, he is the one in position to do something about that, if it bothered him, as he could choose to do some of the running with the kids on the nights I have school but chooses not to so I run with the kids on the nights I don't have school. Which leaves little time for us but I guess that doesn't matter. Anyone who thinks it's my job to make him happy doesn't belong married to me. Unfortunately, he'll end up sad and lonely before he figures out that his happiness is HIS responsiblity.
iVillage Member
Registered: 11-12-2003
Sat, 05-15-2004 - 1:53pm
Arrggg.
iVillage Member
Registered: 09-25-2003
Sat, 05-15-2004 - 1:53pm

Yes, I do. . .and I would advocate that ANY relationship have reciprocity in it. . .I'm not arguing the book, as I've not read it. . .


I'm arguing about the the lack of reciprocity in relationships, some assumptions some here are working under that I believe are false, and that buying a book for one's spouse to read (ANY BOOK) is the way to jump start an effort to 'fix' a relationship from one side- not as partners.


If he read the book and found some insights in it. . .tried to use them himself and realized he needed more from 'her' to get things going better. . .then came to her and communicated what he had read that was helpful TO HIM in trying to be closer to her and asked her what she thought she could implement from the book or what they could work on TOGETHER. . .that would be one thing.

Virgo

Virgo
 
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-18-2003
Sat, 05-15-2004 - 1:54pm

One of the few wise things xh said while we were "working" on our marriage was this "We can't expect to make each other happy. But we need to contribute to each other's happiness."


And he's right. I don't want/need/expect anyone else to make me happy. But anyone that I'm going to spend my life with, or even a significant period of time with, should contribute to my happiness ... not be a detriment to it.

Choose your friends by their character and your socks by their color.  Choosing your socks by their character makes no sense and choosing your friends by their color is unthinkable.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-29-2003
Sat, 05-15-2004 - 1:55pm
LOL! No hex here. Please don't give it another thought. the marriage has been rocky for MANY years -- starting shortly after alyssa's diagnosis. we've been in counseling on and off for years. the affair is fairly recent -- and i'm actually glad that i found out about it because it has given me the impetus to DO something.

eileen

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