Is is "hard" being a sahm?

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-06-2004
Is is "hard" being a sahm?
2242
Sat, 04-24-2004 - 1:25pm
For many years now, I have heard the claim that being a sahm is the hardest job in the world. I never chimed in, because I didn't know first hand. I stayed home for 6 weeks when my twin daughters, Sophia and Stephanie (almost 4) were born. And that was hard, because I had 2 newborns. Now, almost 4 years later, I have resigned my job and am staying home again. I can god-honestly say that I don't know what's so hard about this. I personally feel like I am on easy street, but maybe that's because I haven't been at it that long. I feel like I am on vacation. It takes no longer than a couple hours a day to do the housework, and the rest of the time is free time for me and the girls. We have gone to the park, the zoo, chuck e cheeses, and I know not every day is going to be like this, but I feel like I am making up for lost time. My children seem happy and relaxed. The only hard thing about this is that they have gotten into some pretty raging fights with each other, but the fights have ended with quick intervention. I guess I am just wondering how long before this becomes "The hardest job in the world" and I start looking like a zombie, complaining that my husband doesn't help me, and so on? Or do I seriously have the choice not to turn into that? Also, do you think that at the rate I am going, I am at risk for getting bored staying home?

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iVillage Member
Registered: 11-12-2003
Sat, 05-15-2004 - 1:56pm
Because he's an idiot.
iVillage Member
Registered: 11-12-2003
Sat, 05-15-2004 - 1:58pm
And your marriage doesn't have big problems either.
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-07-2004
Sat, 05-15-2004 - 1:58pm
ITA! Others don't make us happy. They can't. Only we can do that for ourselves. It is no one's fault but our own if we are unhappy and don't do something about it. Given that dh thinks I'm the problem, I'd say it's time for him to leave.
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-18-2003
Sat, 05-15-2004 - 1:58pm

I disagree. All a man has to do is ask. Which is one of the things I love about Allen. He doesn't *assume* what pleases me (note I didn't use the word "make me happy" ... I'm responsible for my own happiness). He knows what would please me by 1) actually *listening* to what I say or don't say ... adn 2) *asking* me.


Its really not that hard for either gender to please the other ... listening is the key.


On top of that, its easy for him to please me because I don't expect him to MAKE me happy ... I only expect him to not make me UNhappy.

Choose your friends by their character and your socks by their color.  Choosing your socks by their character makes no sense and choosing your friends by their color is unthinkable.

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-25-2003
Sat, 05-15-2004 - 1:59pm

Okay, let me give you an example. . .


I'm going to start working towards my PhD. in human development later this fall.

Virgo
 
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-18-2003
Sat, 05-15-2004 - 2:00pm
I disagee. Its NO ONE'S responsiblity to make any other person happy. That's each person's responsiblity to themselves. Its a lover/friend/spouses' responsibility to *contribute* to that happiness .. but not BE that happiness.

Choose your friends by their character and your socks by their color.  Choosing your socks by their character makes no sense and choosing your friends by their color is unthinkable.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-07-2004
Sat, 05-15-2004 - 2:00pm
They are children. Children are different than adults. And no, I don't try to make them happy. I try to make them feel secure. Sometimes they're happy, sometimes they're not. When they're not, I try to teach them to figure out why they're not so the situation can be corrected. Birthday parties and such don't make people happy. They just make people want more.

It is my respomsibility to take care of my kids, hence, I owe them dinner and tucking into bed.

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-11-2003
Sat, 05-15-2004 - 2:00pm

I'm sorry, I haven't read every post in this thread, but I'm wondering, did you ask your DH *why* he bought you this book, what his purpose was? Or are you assuming his purpose, and basing your decision to divorce on that? Is it possible that he was trying to open up communication about your relationship, and, being a man, this was the only way he felt he could do it (some -- many? -- men are really not good at sharing feelings). I don't know a thing about your life, obviously, but what you say here sounds a little odd -- you're divorcing because your DH bought you a book that insulted you, when before that you believed in your heart that he really cared for you? How can buying a book change that all of sudden (especially a book that you admit you haven't read in depth)? What was it about his behavior prior to the moment he bought you that book that made you believe he cared for you? Are those things gone now, or did they never really exist in the first place? I'm just wondering whether, prior to the book, you were wanting a divorce anyway (in which case, the book is hardly the point), or whether you thought the marriage was worthwhile and strong, and you truly loved your DH, and the book changed all of that for you? If it's the latter, wouldn't talking things over even be an option, in terms of the "for better or for worse" part of marriage?


I'm terribly sorry that you're going through this. It sounds as though you're in a lot of pain, and are quite angry and bitter. And please disregard my questions if you'd rather not answer. Best of luck to you and your children.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-29-2003
Sat, 05-15-2004 - 2:03pm
i hear ya about the schedule thing. what is it with some men??? My dh tried to start in on me about how i don't take care of HIM....well, he got a blasted ear full more than he anticipated. He got the brunt of a week of stuffing down my feelings, being stressed to the max, etc...i UNLOADED verbally. I went off about why doesn't he try taking care of 3 kids and their needs -- school, religous school 4 days per week, soccer, basketball, clean clothes, dinner, homework AND work full-time. and that i was very "sorry" (NOT!), but there just wasn't time in a day to cater to his dinner demands -- when i'm already making dinner for 4 people (me, kids + home health aide)...I then went on and on about his hours -- working late till almost 9 pm, one night until 1 am, all day saturdays for the last year -- and how i am practically a single parent anyways.

It was a beautiful rant. and when i calmed down i called to apologize (even though i wasn't sorry in the least).

Hang in there girl! Make the decisions that are BEST for you and your dd's. Visiting the lawyers enabled me to see that i should come out of this just fine. I won't be rich, but i'll have primary physical custody of my kids, my home, my vehicles and still have my job. I guess i'd still be rich after all.

eileen

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-12-2003
Sat, 05-15-2004 - 2:05pm
I give up.

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