Is is "hard" being a sahm?

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-06-2004
Is is "hard" being a sahm?
2242
Sat, 04-24-2004 - 1:25pm
For many years now, I have heard the claim that being a sahm is the hardest job in the world. I never chimed in, because I didn't know first hand. I stayed home for 6 weeks when my twin daughters, Sophia and Stephanie (almost 4) were born. And that was hard, because I had 2 newborns. Now, almost 4 years later, I have resigned my job and am staying home again. I can god-honestly say that I don't know what's so hard about this. I personally feel like I am on easy street, but maybe that's because I haven't been at it that long. I feel like I am on vacation. It takes no longer than a couple hours a day to do the housework, and the rest of the time is free time for me and the girls. We have gone to the park, the zoo, chuck e cheeses, and I know not every day is going to be like this, but I feel like I am making up for lost time. My children seem happy and relaxed. The only hard thing about this is that they have gotten into some pretty raging fights with each other, but the fights have ended with quick intervention. I guess I am just wondering how long before this becomes "The hardest job in the world" and I start looking like a zombie, complaining that my husband doesn't help me, and so on? Or do I seriously have the choice not to turn into that? Also, do you think that at the rate I am going, I am at risk for getting bored staying home?

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iVillage Member
Registered: 03-07-2004
Sat, 05-15-2004 - 5:50pm
I told dh I wanted a baby bunny for Mother's day (both of my rabbits died this winter). He went out on Mother's day and let the kids buy flowers at the grocery store. They would have had such a great time picking out a bunny. Dd#2 had already written in her journal how she was going to help take care of the bunny. I'm sure the girls thought they were going to get one that morning. They're only like $20. It's not like it would have broken the bank and I already have an indoor cage and an outdoor hutch.
iVillage Member
Registered: 11-12-2003
Sat, 05-15-2004 - 6:40pm
As if I don't?
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Sat, 05-15-2004 - 6:43pm
Jumping in here mid thread to say, i havent read the book either, and dont really *want* to get to know dr laura, as i dont like to get myself all worked up over a controversial figure, however, i think the bottom line here is, you catch more bees with honey, and plopping a controversial book with highlighted lines in someones lap aint exactly "honey". with that said, it is a two way street, and believe me, im probably more like you than anyone else on this board. i am more on the stubborn side, and "whats right is right" kind of mindset. you took that stunt as an insult(as would i), and he probably didnt do it with insulting you in mind at all(and maybe he did, as you know him, and i dont).

It is so ironic, because i think most of us have an "idea" of what we(wives and husbands alike) think marriage is and should be, and when it is not, we get bent out of shape without looking at the whole picture. i fought tooth and nail for years, because my dh is so quiet, doesnt understand me and blamed it on the fact that he has unattentive parents and no sisters, when the bottom line is, he is what he is, i married him, and he does care very much. with his upbringing, he is not equipped to "be what i want/think he should be", so i have finally(DUHHHH) come to realize he is doing his best. he is honest, genuine, caring, hard working, concerned, loving, a great dad and someone i am happy i married. he is simply *not* the communicator i wish he was, and never will be, and its not up to me to *make* him be. BUT, in knowing hes not a communicator, sometimes i *have* to work overtime drawing his thoughts out to help us both understand each other. I know at this point, you are probably sick of hearing any kind of defense for him and actually, i am not defending him at all, as i do really understand your feelings, and sympathize with you. my dh would never blatantly tell me what he expects of me, but actions do speak louder than words, and when one does nothing to help fix dinner, and is too tired to do anything, but has the strength to come feed his face and then get up and go lie back down, the message is loud and clear!! thank goodness its not like that anymore, but my point is, that is what he expected because he knew nothing else. he didnt know people with penises are capable of setting/clearing a table, and sticking around til everything was done, until i brought it to his attention. question, and not sarcastic at all because this is a very serious issue...do you ask your dh to cart the kids around? sometimes we get into a routine, and change needs to be forced. it probably hasnt dawned on him, his driving the kids to wherever would give you relief *and* tell you he cares.

enough rambling, but these are all things that come to mind while reading this thread, and i do wish you luck, and peace while dealing with this.

beth

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-12-2003
Sat, 05-15-2004 - 6:43pm
I see... he should blame himself because *you* chose to have too much on your plate and neglect your marriage.
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-07-2004
Sat, 05-15-2004 - 6:46pm
No misinterpretation here. There isn't any other message he could have been trying to deliver considering the medium he used.
iVillage Member
Registered: 11-12-2003
Sat, 05-15-2004 - 6:46pm
I do know some.. very very few... but I chose not to marry one because one woman in a marriage is complicated enough.
iVillage Member
Registered: 11-12-2003
Sat, 05-15-2004 - 6:50pm

And my next sentence was that it was a solution to a SPECIFIC problem, and that I never recommended the book to you, I recommended to a guy with a wife that did nothing.

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-12-2003
Sat, 05-15-2004 - 6:53pm
You can't take on all the responsibility yourself on purpose, never ask for help, and then turn around and complain about it.
iVillage Member
Registered: 11-12-2003
Sat, 05-15-2004 - 6:57pm

I get it... he's a bastard because he thinks it's all her fault, when actually it's all HIS fault, according to her.

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-12-2003
Sat, 05-15-2004 - 7:01pm

Who knows, I don't know him.

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