Is is "hard" being a sahm?

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-06-2004
Is is "hard" being a sahm?
2242
Sat, 04-24-2004 - 1:25pm
For many years now, I have heard the claim that being a sahm is the hardest job in the world. I never chimed in, because I didn't know first hand. I stayed home for 6 weeks when my twin daughters, Sophia and Stephanie (almost 4) were born. And that was hard, because I had 2 newborns. Now, almost 4 years later, I have resigned my job and am staying home again. I can god-honestly say that I don't know what's so hard about this. I personally feel like I am on easy street, but maybe that's because I haven't been at it that long. I feel like I am on vacation. It takes no longer than a couple hours a day to do the housework, and the rest of the time is free time for me and the girls. We have gone to the park, the zoo, chuck e cheeses, and I know not every day is going to be like this, but I feel like I am making up for lost time. My children seem happy and relaxed. The only hard thing about this is that they have gotten into some pretty raging fights with each other, but the fights have ended with quick intervention. I guess I am just wondering how long before this becomes "The hardest job in the world" and I start looking like a zombie, complaining that my husband doesn't help me, and so on? Or do I seriously have the choice not to turn into that? Also, do you think that at the rate I am going, I am at risk for getting bored staying home?

Pages

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-12-2003
Sat, 05-15-2004 - 7:04pm
No, it's because if it were written for men it would be a different book.. or do you think men and women are exactly alike?
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-07-2004
Sat, 05-15-2004 - 7:10pm
I have to admit I'm dismayed that dh is the one comlaining he's unhappy. I'm not but I sure would have more right to make the claim than he does. But then again, I'm doing what I believe needs to be done. There is a sense of accomplishment in that even if I do drop into bed at the end of the night and lay there for two hours trying to calm the thoughts in my head down enough to sleep. I know I'm doing well in my life and I have that to fall back on when things get to me. All dh, apparently, has is that his life isn't what he wants it to be.
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Sat, 05-15-2004 - 7:15pm
Dont these stupid men understand life is soooooooo much easier if they just do those little things??? i think they think "huh, a bunny. who cares. thats no kind of gift". aaaand its so much easier swinging by the grocery store to grab some flowers. i asked for a gift card to home depot, and a pink sport bag. i know damn well for the life of him he couldnt understand *why* that is what i wanted, but that is *irrelevant* and he finally GETS IT. guess what i got!!! yup, but this guy has been with me for almost 31 years, and it took him a good 20 to figure it out!! it wasnt always like that.

DAMN!! i dont get it!!!
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-07-2004
Sat, 05-15-2004 - 7:18pm
Don't think that would work when the partner doing the least simply wants more out of the partner already busting butt. Do you think my dh really wants to hear the HE needs to get off his butt and make what he wants happen? No. If he did, he wouldn't be buying me books that tell how it's all my fault and how I should fix it. My dh can sit here and tell me me wants more from me until hell freezes over but you can't get blood from a stone. I'm tapped out. If he's not happy with what I'm giving now, he really needs to find someone else because their ain't no more. I'm already so stressed I'm dropping into dreamland with the help of Xanax all too often. I guess I could ask my doctor to just put me on a daily dose of Paxil so I can give dh what he wants. Of course then I'd risk becomming suicidal but that would be such a small price to pay for his happiness (insert rolling eyes icon here, lol). If he wants more, he's going to have to find it elsewhere.

Not quite volcano syndrome here. I don't think "how dare he be unhappy". I think "How dare he blame ME for his being unhappy". He is the one who could easily do more but he chooses to try and guilt me into doing more instead. That doesn't add up.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Sat, 05-15-2004 - 7:22pm
I always told dh, i can be miserable on my own without him. sounds like nothing will change for you, as with his work hours, you are pretty much handling things as a single parent would already. i dont know how you do it. i dont have the energy, even if i didnt have a weight problem, im not built like that to do all you do. go girl!!! you're going to be just fine!
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Sat, 05-15-2004 - 7:28pm
I agree.
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Sat, 05-15-2004 - 7:33pm
I agree that she should have asked for what she wanted. But the problem is not that he did not do what she did not ask. The problem is that apparently he thought that she was the only one that needed fixing. If there was a problem why did he assume that she was needed fixing instead of fixing himself first.
iVillage Member
Registered: 09-25-2003
Sat, 05-15-2004 - 7:33pm

Why don't you give us an example of some advice the good doctor gives in the book and how it would be different if the book were written to men about women. . .


Virgo
 
iVillage Member
Registered: 09-25-2003
Sat, 05-15-2004 - 7:37pm

I agree with your assessment. . .


and from her Mother's Day story it sounds as if when she DID tell him what she wanted, he didn't listen anyway. . .


Virgo
 
iVillage Member
Registered: 11-12-2003
Sat, 05-15-2004 - 7:58pm

As I said, I don't know him or her.

Pages