Is is "hard" being a sahm?

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-06-2004
Is is "hard" being a sahm?
2242
Sat, 04-24-2004 - 1:25pm
For many years now, I have heard the claim that being a sahm is the hardest job in the world. I never chimed in, because I didn't know first hand. I stayed home for 6 weeks when my twin daughters, Sophia and Stephanie (almost 4) were born. And that was hard, because I had 2 newborns. Now, almost 4 years later, I have resigned my job and am staying home again. I can god-honestly say that I don't know what's so hard about this. I personally feel like I am on easy street, but maybe that's because I haven't been at it that long. I feel like I am on vacation. It takes no longer than a couple hours a day to do the housework, and the rest of the time is free time for me and the girls. We have gone to the park, the zoo, chuck e cheeses, and I know not every day is going to be like this, but I feel like I am making up for lost time. My children seem happy and relaxed. The only hard thing about this is that they have gotten into some pretty raging fights with each other, but the fights have ended with quick intervention. I guess I am just wondering how long before this becomes "The hardest job in the world" and I start looking like a zombie, complaining that my husband doesn't help me, and so on? Or do I seriously have the choice not to turn into that? Also, do you think that at the rate I am going, I am at risk for getting bored staying home?

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iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Sat, 05-15-2004 - 9:29pm
I think that is a good idea. a bunny would probably do a world of good for you right now. do it!! :-)
Avatar for taylormomma
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-23-2003
Sat, 05-15-2004 - 9:31pm

It won't work when one partner isn't willing to listen to the other one, either.


Yup, you're tapped out. Maybe he doesn't want you to do more, he wants you to do less.


You think he should be more like you. Maybe he wishes you were more like him.


Having a partner want more of you isn't automatically a bad thing. It's heaps better than a partner not wanting you at all.

Avatar for taylormomma
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-23-2003
Sat, 05-15-2004 - 9:40pm

Sometimes relationships simply bring out the worst in people. My ex was so messed up by the time we divorced our therapist offered to continue councelling with him at no charge.


Yet, all those issues did go away once the marriage was dissolved and he was in a relationship with someone else. It was the dynamic between us that caused his issues to be so overwhelming. And yup, we had some very, very good years, so that's kinda moot.

Avatar for taylormomma
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-23-2003
Sat, 05-15-2004 - 9:50pm

But that's just it - the medium is not the point. You admitted you can't get past the medium and didn't even bother to try to clarify the message - just "let him have it".


There are all kinds of messages he could have been trying to get across


"I miss you"


"I wish we spent more time together"


"I need emotional support from you"


"I'm feeling insecure and need reassurance that I'm still important to you"


"I don't feel like we're a couple any more"


"Our lives are so much about the future, I'm afraid we're unable to enjoy the here and now"


My ex was a smoker. I had serious issues with that, which he knew before we got married and so quit smoking. He started up again before we had been married very many years. Any time I said ANYTHING to him about it, no matter HOW I phrased it, he went ballistic and "let me have it" accusing me of either trying to manipulate him or dictating how he should live his life. The truth was, I watched my grandfather die a slow painful death from smoking damage and when I saw my ex smoking I literally saw him dead. I would get physically ill from it; the horror of it was overwhelming.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-29-2003
Sat, 05-15-2004 - 10:38pm
of course, you will understand my predisposition to that stance.
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-29-2003
Sat, 05-15-2004 - 10:41pm
thanks babe. the hardest part is watching night after night as they have these hour-long conversations online (instant messenger) and via text messages. UGH. I'm just counting down the days....i think we're at 16 now:)

and as for handling things? i guess it helps that i'm the quintessential type A -- although most of that comes from my kids' activities. I also have wonderful "support" in the form of our nanny, home-health aides and family as needed.

eileen

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-29-2003
Sat, 05-15-2004 - 10:42pm
i can share some info with you regarding spying software. My lawyer said that while it can't be used in court (i have pages and pages of their conversations), it can certainly be used for leverage -- and to get what I'm entitled to.

eileen

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-12-2003
Sun, 05-16-2004 - 12:12am
Well I concede, it sounds like you're genuinely in a bad situation.
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-25-2003
Sun, 05-16-2004 - 12:24am
It's also in violation of federal wiretapping laws. Use it if you also want to get your a$$ in a federal slammer. Good luck with that.
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Sun, 05-16-2004 - 6:56am
Which is what makes the book such TRASH. it's stupid and ridiculous to make such a presumption and NOT EVEN MENTION the possibility that a woman's husband may be coasting through the marriage putting all the responsibility for it working on the wife and that THEREFORE the book may not be suitable for all women. This book is NOT marketed as if it only serves a tiny niche like you have described; it's marketed as the cure-all for all women's marriages everywhere.

From Amazon.com, the "Book Description" (which is supplied BY THE PUBLISHER, which means, this is how the publisher and the author are marketing this book):

Book Description

In her most provocative book yet, Dr. Laura urgently reminds women that to take proper care of their husbands is to ensure themselves the happiness and satisfaction they yearn for in marriage.

Women want to be in love, get married, and live happily ever after. Yet disrespect for men and disregard for the value, feelings, and needs of husbands has fast become the standard for male-female relations in America. Those two attitudes clash in unfortunate ways to create struggle and strife in what could be a beautiful relationship.

Countless women call Dr. Laura, unhappy in their marriages and seemingly at a loss to understand the incredible power they have over their men to create the kind of home life they yearn for. Now, in The Proper Care and Feeding of Husbands, Dr. Laura shows you -- with real-life examples and real-life solutions -- how to wield that power to attain all the sexual pleasure, intimacy, love, joy, and peace you want in your life.

Dr. Laura's simple principles have changed the lives of millions. Now they can change yours.

http://www.amazon.com/exec/obidos/tg/detail/-/0060520612/104-8908307-2951151?v=glance

Does that sound like L is marketing this book to ONLY those women whose husbands are actively trying to please her?

Stupid, ridiculous and short sighted.

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