Is is "hard" being a sahm?

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-06-2004
Is is "hard" being a sahm?
2242
Sat, 04-24-2004 - 1:25pm
For many years now, I have heard the claim that being a sahm is the hardest job in the world. I never chimed in, because I didn't know first hand. I stayed home for 6 weeks when my twin daughters, Sophia and Stephanie (almost 4) were born. And that was hard, because I had 2 newborns. Now, almost 4 years later, I have resigned my job and am staying home again. I can god-honestly say that I don't know what's so hard about this. I personally feel like I am on easy street, but maybe that's because I haven't been at it that long. I feel like I am on vacation. It takes no longer than a couple hours a day to do the housework, and the rest of the time is free time for me and the girls. We have gone to the park, the zoo, chuck e cheeses, and I know not every day is going to be like this, but I feel like I am making up for lost time. My children seem happy and relaxed. The only hard thing about this is that they have gotten into some pretty raging fights with each other, but the fights have ended with quick intervention. I guess I am just wondering how long before this becomes "The hardest job in the world" and I start looking like a zombie, complaining that my husband doesn't help me, and so on? Or do I seriously have the choice not to turn into that? Also, do you think that at the rate I am going, I am at risk for getting bored staying home?

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iVillage Member
Registered: 03-07-2004
Sun, 05-16-2004 - 7:18am
He's not asking. He'd prefer I simply don't do any of it. That is NOT an option for me. Dh's solution is just quit. Quit school, have the girls quit piano and quit taking dd#1 to tutoring. Problem solved. He doesn't see not doing these things as the problem I see it as. If he did, then he'd help. It's like me thinking the grass needs to be mowed every other day and him thinking it needs to be mowed once a week. He's not going to do it simply because that's the way I think it should be done and he shouldn't have to just as I shouldn't be expected to do things the way he wants them done. We have a situation where I think a bunch of things are important and he does not. It's not an issue of has asking me to take on more than he would. He's not asking me to do it at all. He didn't say go do all these things while I sit back. It was MY choice to do them. He'd just as soon I didn't. This is one area where I actually agree with Laura S. To the person who cares the most goes the effort of making something happen. So, it falls to me to make all the things happen I think need to and to dh to now do something if he really wants our marriage to be different. Unfortunately, his thing to do was tell ME to do more and that AIN'T gonna happen so we are likely headed to divorce court.

The book we need is The Proper Care and Feeding of Wives but I have a feeling that dh's reaction would be about the same as mine.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-07-2004
Sun, 05-16-2004 - 7:21am
I'm sure he does want me to do less. Less of the things *I* care about so I can do more ot the things HE cares about. He'd just as soon I didn't do anything I care about and just do what he cares about. That is NOT going to happen. I care about what I care about and I'm not going to drop those things because he thinks I shouldn't care about them. He's entitled to his opinion but he is not entitled to tell me what I should consider important.
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Sun, 05-16-2004 - 7:25am
Is using it on your own personal computer against the law?
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-25-2003
Sun, 05-16-2004 - 7:26am

Oh, I agree with you.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-07-2004
Sun, 05-16-2004 - 7:26am
I'm not complaining. I'm explaining. This was not an issue until dh decided to buy the book. I'm not the one who went whining to him that he doesn't do enough for me. It's the other way around. I'm just explaining why he can stuff it with wanting me to do more. It ain't gonna happen.

I do what I do because these things are important to me. They are not important to dh so he doesn't help. He is not obligated to help me make happen what I think should happen. If we were in agreement that these things need to be done, then yes, he'd be obligated to help but he'd just as soon I didn't do any of it but that is not an option. At issue now is the simple fact I don't have time to do more as he wants me to do (and wouldn't if I had the time as I don't consider the wife to blame just because she's the wife). If he's unhappy, he needs to do something about that not buy me books detailing how I'm supposed to change to please him. He doesn't help with the extra curricular stuff because he doesn't think it's necessary. I do so I'm going to make sure it gets done help or no help.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-25-2003
Sun, 05-16-2004 - 7:31am

Has he ever been tactful in asking what he wants or expressing himself to you?

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-25-2003
Sun, 05-16-2004 - 7:39am

Maybe he didn't realize she needed the help or maybe he doesn't agree and didn't want her doing all the extra's in the first place?

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-25-2003
Sun, 05-16-2004 - 7:45am

but did he think that?

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-07-2004
Sun, 05-16-2004 - 7:45am
One thing I hate about "Dr." Laura is she uses the title on her show when she's NOT a psychologist! I don't think most of her listeners realize that her PhD is not in the field she's practicing. While it's not dishonest to use the title as she did earn it it is misleading and I don't think you should mislead people. IMO, she should go by Laura S. for her show and for her books but she won't. She's tooting her own horn.
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-25-2003
Sun, 05-16-2004 - 7:54am

It seems that you both are putting yourselves first and neither of you are considering the other.


He wants what he wants and refuses to see your way.

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