Is is "hard" being a sahm?

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-06-2004
Is is "hard" being a sahm?
2242
Sat, 04-24-2004 - 1:25pm
For many years now, I have heard the claim that being a sahm is the hardest job in the world. I never chimed in, because I didn't know first hand. I stayed home for 6 weeks when my twin daughters, Sophia and Stephanie (almost 4) were born. And that was hard, because I had 2 newborns. Now, almost 4 years later, I have resigned my job and am staying home again. I can god-honestly say that I don't know what's so hard about this. I personally feel like I am on easy street, but maybe that's because I haven't been at it that long. I feel like I am on vacation. It takes no longer than a couple hours a day to do the housework, and the rest of the time is free time for me and the girls. We have gone to the park, the zoo, chuck e cheeses, and I know not every day is going to be like this, but I feel like I am making up for lost time. My children seem happy and relaxed. The only hard thing about this is that they have gotten into some pretty raging fights with each other, but the fights have ended with quick intervention. I guess I am just wondering how long before this becomes "The hardest job in the world" and I start looking like a zombie, complaining that my husband doesn't help me, and so on? Or do I seriously have the choice not to turn into that? Also, do you think that at the rate I am going, I am at risk for getting bored staying home?

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iVillage Member
Registered: 03-29-2003
Sun, 05-16-2004 - 10:51am
Oh, and she asked if i can make her copies of everything.
iVillage Member
Registered: 07-28-2003
Sun, 05-16-2004 - 12:16pm
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Why? Because it's compassionate and tolerant, and it's LIFE. I find this attitude extremely ignorant and selfish. I hope you'd have the sense then not to invite ANY children. I would permanently discontinue any association with someone who chose to exclude only my child based on any condition whatsoever.

Carol

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-07-2004
Sun, 05-16-2004 - 12:28pm
No, I listen to what I'm saying. Everyone is responsible for their own happiness. I'm taking action to ensure mine. Dh prefers to simply tell me to do it for him and that is NOT going to happen. It wouldn't happen if I weren't running to get everything that needs to be done done. I'm not here to serve his whims. If he thinks I have to change in order for this relationship to work, then he needs a new spouse.
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-07-2004
Sun, 05-16-2004 - 12:29pm
And just what behavior do I need to change? Making sure my kids are taken care of and insuring my family's financial stability???? No, dh wants someone else. Someone who can manage to take care of all the kids needs (or simply ignores them), bring home the bacon and never let him forget he's a man. I'm not her.


Edited 5/16/2004 12:53 pm ET ET by grimalkinskeeper
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-07-2004
Sun, 05-16-2004 - 12:33pm
My husband is not a child. Why should I treat him like one?
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-07-2004
Sun, 05-16-2004 - 12:43pm
I've asked dh which tasks he wants me to give up and listed the repercushions for giving each up. He never answers. Unfortunately, none of them can be given up at this time without negative repercushions. The next 2 years are going to be hectic and it will get darker before the dawn when I do my student teaching and work the hours new teachers must to make sure they're prepared. And even if I did give an activity up, it wouldn't be to cater to dh because he feels under apprecieated or whatever (some of the passages in the book he highlighed had to do with showing proper apprecaition to dh's for all they do). IMO, you need to actually do something to deserve appreciation NOT demand it. Apparently, I'm supposed to appreciate the wage earning, housework and child care dh does but he doesn't have to appreciate the wage earning, housework and child care I do because it's my job and simply expected of me. IMO, it's both of our jobs.

If I have to choose between making sure my kids have what they need and my dh gets what he wants, my kids win. Dh can take a hike. IMO, I would be setting a bad example for my dd's if I did what he wants. I'd rather set and example as a strong, self sufficient single mom than a married subservient wimpette. I find the idea that it's my job to insure his happiness and I should drop things I feel are important to do so repulsive. I'd rather be a single mom with her pride intact.

Has dh ever been tactful? No. Not one of his strong points but that doesn't make what he did right. It just means he's a jerk.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-07-2004
Sun, 05-16-2004 - 12:50pm
I've always wondered why she pursued a PhD in one field and then practices another. You'd think that if someone really had an intesterest in psychology, they'd study it. I get the impression that she didn't get enough recognition working in her chosen field so she switched tactics. I think it's all an ego game with her.
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-07-2004
Sun, 05-16-2004 - 12:56pm
Then Dr. Hypocrite needs to retitle her book and rewrite the sales pitch. It is NOT presented as being for a select small percentage of people who have a situation where the dh is doing what he should and the wife is a slouch. It's presented in general for women regarding their dh's.
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-07-2004
Sun, 05-16-2004 - 1:05pm
I don't have a problem with giving. I have a problem with being told what I'm to give. I agree that giving should be from the heart. It should not be demanded. I take offense at the book because it tells women they should give with no thought of reciprocation as if it's our responsibility to give so our dh's are happy not the notion itself of giving. I do, however, expect that giving goes both ways. Not tit for tat but there should be some going each way. When it gets one way is when things get bad. From what I read, this book suggests that the woman just accept it's one way. People get tired of that.
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-25-2003
Sun, 05-16-2004 - 1:10pm

Like I said, I have never read the book, let alone heard of it until now.

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