Is is "hard" being a sahm?
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Is is "hard" being a sahm?
| Sat, 04-24-2004 - 1:25pm |
For many years now, I have heard the claim that being a sahm is the hardest job in the world. I never chimed in, because I didn't know first hand. I stayed home for 6 weeks when my twin daughters, Sophia and Stephanie (almost 4) were born. And that was hard, because I had 2 newborns. Now, almost 4 years later, I have resigned my job and am staying home again. I can god-honestly say that I don't know what's so hard about this. I personally feel like I am on easy street, but maybe that's because I haven't been at it that long. I feel like I am on vacation. It takes no longer than a couple hours a day to do the housework, and the rest of the time is free time for me and the girls. We have gone to the park, the zoo, chuck e cheeses, and I know not every day is going to be like this, but I feel like I am making up for lost time. My children seem happy and relaxed. The only hard thing about this is that they have gotten into some pretty raging fights with each other, but the fights have ended with quick intervention. I guess I am just wondering how long before this becomes "The hardest job in the world" and I start looking like a zombie, complaining that my husband doesn't help me, and so on? Or do I seriously have the choice not to turn into that? Also, do you think that at the rate I am going, I am at risk for getting bored staying home?

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Dd's piano lessons teach her to keep trying and that success comes with working through things. I don't know about your schools but ours seem to want to hand kids self esteem on a silver platter. I think it needs to come from accomplishment. No it doesn't have to be piano but it has to be something. We've been doing piano because of the link between early musical training and later suceess in math and science and the fact that piano is so much easier to learn early on but we've likely bought all the gains we can from what the girls have done so far. That it teaches dd to keep at things even when they're difficult has turned out to be the biggest plus for dd#1 so far. I gave dd the option of choosing another instrument but she declined deciding to continue with the piano. Just quitting is not an option but switching tracks is. Either way, there's going to be activities for her to attend.
Having difficulty expressing yourself and insulting your spouse are two different things. I don't take this as difficulty expressing himself. He found a book that says I should do what he wants me to do and ran with it as if having someone put it in print means he's right and I'm some kind of failure as a wife. Why in the world he thought for one second I'd take Laura S's advice is beyond me. IMO, dh's problem is he wants to live in two worlds. The one he grew up in where his mom SAH and did everything and his dad didn't have to lift a finger and one where his wife goes out and works and makes an income that makes his life easier. He hasn't quite figured out that he can't have it both ways. He's never going to have the former anyway as I'm not that girl. At least not anymore. I was quite young and naive when we got married. I can remember studying the book "creative counterpart" because I was going to be the best wife ever until dh got sick of it and threw the book away. He couldn't deal with the dependency that came with the happy housewife. Talk about coming full circle. As my mom used to say, "Be careful what you wish for, you might get it".
This is a wise statement. I wonder why you choose to only apply it to your daughters and not yourself. If you really want to teach them about success and work, perhaps you should strongly think about how this applies to your situation. I can't imagine being unwilling to work on something over a lousy, albeit misguided, gift of a book to you. Is it really enough to toss a marriage on? How do you think divorce rates versus piano to your daughters? I don't know your situation other than what has been presented on this board. It seems that you have a selfish husband, but he also has been presented as one who is "begging" for forgiveness. I think one lesson you will no doubt be teaching your girls is that you are not a very forgiving person, and that will follow them a lot longer than any piano lessons can.
I agree. . .his decision to present his 'case' via the book was silly and misguided. . .but I can't imagine throwing in the towel over a book.
Poor thing! (both of you) My DD had "scary eyes" in her room at night and we didn't get her in her own bed until we moved to a new house. Wish I could help you.
I do think that marriage can go though some very rough times and recover (my minister is doing a series on marriage at the moment and has been using the analogy of getting off the Titanic and back on the Love Boat). But in order for that to happen both have to want it and both have to work for it. I don't see that here.
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