Is is "hard" being a sahm?

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-06-2004
Is is "hard" being a sahm?
2242
Sat, 04-24-2004 - 1:25pm
For many years now, I have heard the claim that being a sahm is the hardest job in the world. I never chimed in, because I didn't know first hand. I stayed home for 6 weeks when my twin daughters, Sophia and Stephanie (almost 4) were born. And that was hard, because I had 2 newborns. Now, almost 4 years later, I have resigned my job and am staying home again. I can god-honestly say that I don't know what's so hard about this. I personally feel like I am on easy street, but maybe that's because I haven't been at it that long. I feel like I am on vacation. It takes no longer than a couple hours a day to do the housework, and the rest of the time is free time for me and the girls. We have gone to the park, the zoo, chuck e cheeses, and I know not every day is going to be like this, but I feel like I am making up for lost time. My children seem happy and relaxed. The only hard thing about this is that they have gotten into some pretty raging fights with each other, but the fights have ended with quick intervention. I guess I am just wondering how long before this becomes "The hardest job in the world" and I start looking like a zombie, complaining that my husband doesn't help me, and so on? Or do I seriously have the choice not to turn into that? Also, do you think that at the rate I am going, I am at risk for getting bored staying home?

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Avatar for laurenmom2boys
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-25-2003
Sun, 05-16-2004 - 9:12pm
That is just utter bull. <> I know plenty of women who are direct and straightforward. I know plenty of men who are as well. You're buying into a stereotype that just is so much garbage.
Avatar for laurenmom2boys
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-25-2003
Sun, 05-16-2004 - 9:13pm
I agree.
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-07-2004
Sun, 05-16-2004 - 9:13pm
Sorry but I'm not changing for anyone. If I'm not what dh wants, he needs to go out and find her. I am me. No, I'm not going to change because someone else thinks I should. The person I must be true to is me.
Avatar for laurenmom2boys
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-25-2003
Sun, 05-16-2004 - 9:13pm
ROFLMAO!
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-07-2004
Sun, 05-16-2004 - 9:14pm
No, if I take instructions from a book and structure my life according to someone elses whims I'm a subservient little wimpette. Sorry, I read enough of the book to want to puke and we ain't going there.
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-07-2004
Sun, 05-16-2004 - 9:44pm
Oh there have been plenty of conversations since he handed me the book, which was a few weeks back. Unfortunately, none of them good. I'm to be faulted for not showing proper appreciation for what he does (many of the passages in the book had to do with demonstrating proper appreciation for dh's. Wives, apparently aren't shown the same courtesy.) What I can't get past is being told I don't measure up. I've been told I'm not good enough. Honestly, *I'M* the one who could claim my spouse is not good enough. I don't though. Unlike him, I don't expect him to make my life what I want it to be.

As for counseling, dh agreed but dropped it as soon as I backed off on filing, which I did only because we were supposed to go into counseling and I figured with children involved the court would probably order it anyway. Apparently, unless I file, we don't need a counselor. Of course, my schedule is to blame for us not seeing one. The only day open was Saturday and he didn't want to do Saturday. I've been out of school and dd out of Sylvan for the summer for two weeks now so Monday's and Tuesday's are free but he still hasn't made an appointment. I'm sure it's somehow my fault (he, supposedly, had a counselor picked out). Apparently any effort on his part is too much to expect.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Sun, 05-16-2004 - 9:45pm
that may be true overall, however, dh and i are the classic opposite of that statement. dh is moody and beats around the bush, not emotional much at all, and i am so direct, even *I* cant believe some of the stuff that comes out of my mouth after its said. you know, it starts pouring out, and one has no control over it, and wants to take it back afterwards direct??
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-07-2004
Sun, 05-16-2004 - 9:50pm
When you are told YOU are what is broken in the marriage, it's time to move on. I've been told that *I* am what needs fixing. My dh went as far as to get me the instruction manual so I could learn to behave properly and show proper appreciation and respect for my man. Yes, I'd call that black and white with splatters of vomit.
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-07-2004
Sun, 05-16-2004 - 9:55pm
When it comes to kids, you err on the side of caution. Yes, I think dh is wrong for considering our children's eductions the responsibility of the schools. Yes I think he's wrong because he thinks dd will do just fine once she graduates from the school of hard knocks. As my children's mother, I have every right to intervene where I believe inteverntion is necessary. I would be a piss poor mother if I didn't and I'm not going to become a piss poor mother just because dh would rather I just ignore things until they're big problems. I can't believe that even you would suggest it! We're talking about my kids here. We're talking about a dd who is falling farther and farther behind in school because of underlying structural issues. NOTHING improves until those issues are met. Dh's soluton is go yell at the principal or attend the PTA meeting and tell them how their programs suck and then wait for them to change it. That may be good enough for you and dh but it is NOT good enough for me. Look at it this way, if I'm wrong, no harm is done and dd may even gain anyway. If dh is wrong then dd loses BIG TIME. I'll bet with me thank you.
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-07-2004
Sun, 05-16-2004 - 10:12pm
After the book incident, yes. I hadn't before because I accepted that dh simply does not share my views on things like piano lessons and tutoring and as the party who wants it to happen, I considered it my responsibility to make it happen. I also wasn't complaining about my schedule. I reviewed it and decided that tired or not, there simply isn't anything I can give up at this time a long while back and just accepted that, for now, this is what I have to do. His response is he can't. Helping would involve telling his boss he had to be off by a certain time on certain days. Mind you, half the time he's home in time to do this anyway. He'd just have to tell his boss that on these days, I have to be home at this time. He was going on and on this morning about how his boss doesn't mind him coming in late but hates it when he leaves early. So I'll go to plan B.

I have no choice but to take this class. It's normally offered only in the daytime. This is a special offer to accomodate me and another student so we can complete our math majors. So, come fall, I'll add dashing from work to pick up the sitter then to my dd's school to get them, drop the sitter and dd's off at home and then dash off to school myself. Fortunately, I will be getting off school just about the time dh gets home so he won't have to be bothered to drive the sitter home. All of this to cover the 20 minutes tops I can't cover using latch key because the latch key closes 10 minutes after my class gets out.

No, I'm what's broken and I'm expected to fix it according to both dh and Laura S.

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