Is is "hard" being a sahm?
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Is is "hard" being a sahm?
| Sat, 04-24-2004 - 1:25pm |
For many years now, I have heard the claim that being a sahm is the hardest job in the world. I never chimed in, because I didn't know first hand. I stayed home for 6 weeks when my twin daughters, Sophia and Stephanie (almost 4) were born. And that was hard, because I had 2 newborns. Now, almost 4 years later, I have resigned my job and am staying home again. I can god-honestly say that I don't know what's so hard about this. I personally feel like I am on easy street, but maybe that's because I haven't been at it that long. I feel like I am on vacation. It takes no longer than a couple hours a day to do the housework, and the rest of the time is free time for me and the girls. We have gone to the park, the zoo, chuck e cheeses, and I know not every day is going to be like this, but I feel like I am making up for lost time. My children seem happy and relaxed. The only hard thing about this is that they have gotten into some pretty raging fights with each other, but the fights have ended with quick intervention. I guess I am just wondering how long before this becomes "The hardest job in the world" and I start looking like a zombie, complaining that my husband doesn't help me, and so on? Or do I seriously have the choice not to turn into that? Also, do you think that at the rate I am going, I am at risk for getting bored staying home?

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I don't have anything against not inviting any children. Not all events and venues are appropriate. I can't imagine picking and choosing certain members of a family that are welcome though, based on age or general behavior. I think people need to suck it up a little bit and shift the focus off of themselves and their every emotion once in a while.
Carol
No, they are BOTH being selfish.
Carol
Don't take it from me--take it from the numerous parents of disabled children who complained about her.
And then your lawyer needs to talk to you about *risks* because nothing in the law is ever ever as black and white as she thinks it is. Good luck with that.
http://www.tafls.org/news0303/news0303p6.pdf
Jenna
Men can be complete idiots. This one, quite likely, manages to operate under some illusion (one he has to work on )in which most wives go out and earn even more money than you, while making it less of the husband's problem, while doing 3 post graduate degrees while raising six kids while managing all things related to the kids while he slaves at the office everyday. Oh, and, those wives all look like supermodels and make all meals from scratch. 3 times a day. He has to...its easier than having to fess up and handle his fair share of your lives. Much like its easier for you to just do everything than demand assistance (yes demand).
This divorce might be necesarry, but should not be about somebody sending some message about being married to the "wrong" kind of woman. You should be getting past your mental block about demanding assistance with a life plan you are comfortable with. You should throw the book at him and then start listing your demands. Demands you want met if he expects to remain married to you. Start with how you CAN'T (not won't, can't) live with the current uncertainty in your employment situation and you WILL do something about which is you WILL retrain. And if he can't, not only accept that, but support it, and put in extra effort himself to make it easier for you to get done...than the marriage has to end. You CAN'T (not won't, but can't) accept the parental direction efforts he is willing to expend. You won't live that way, you won't raise your kids that way. You WILL give the children XYZ opportunities and he WILL be onside, supportive, and will put for effrot all over the place to make that happen. Or the marriage has to end. Ultimatums are sometimes necessary and compromise isn't always possible. On the positive side for you, I'm banking on there being very little in the way of counter demands for the benefit of the family he's going to be able to offer...as it seems he has left the burden of "benefit to the family" completely up to you. You are going to have to make it clear you expect him to start now. Not gradually, no learning curve. No excuses, but now. And see if he does. If he comes back with a counter demand about The Book and His Needs, well...you know he hasn't grown up at all and probably never will. But maybe he did...you should check it out before you ditch him. Some of them grow up sometime. Your strategy of not demanding help is partly to blame for him staying so juvenille so long. You owe the marriage the option of seeing what happens if you ditch that strategy.
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