Is is "hard" being a sahm?

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-06-2004
Is is "hard" being a sahm?
2242
Sat, 04-24-2004 - 1:25pm
For many years now, I have heard the claim that being a sahm is the hardest job in the world. I never chimed in, because I didn't know first hand. I stayed home for 6 weeks when my twin daughters, Sophia and Stephanie (almost 4) were born. And that was hard, because I had 2 newborns. Now, almost 4 years later, I have resigned my job and am staying home again. I can god-honestly say that I don't know what's so hard about this. I personally feel like I am on easy street, but maybe that's because I haven't been at it that long. I feel like I am on vacation. It takes no longer than a couple hours a day to do the housework, and the rest of the time is free time for me and the girls. We have gone to the park, the zoo, chuck e cheeses, and I know not every day is going to be like this, but I feel like I am making up for lost time. My children seem happy and relaxed. The only hard thing about this is that they have gotten into some pretty raging fights with each other, but the fights have ended with quick intervention. I guess I am just wondering how long before this becomes "The hardest job in the world" and I start looking like a zombie, complaining that my husband doesn't help me, and so on? Or do I seriously have the choice not to turn into that? Also, do you think that at the rate I am going, I am at risk for getting bored staying home?

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iVillage Member
Registered: 03-25-2003
Mon, 05-17-2004 - 12:36pm

do you really think that for the most part, women do not over-analysis more then their male counterpart?


I think we do for most things.

Misty

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2000
Mon, 05-17-2004 - 12:47pm

I agree!

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-11-2003
Mon, 05-17-2004 - 12:57pm
Does your DH have the same approach (kids come before you, his "me" time comes before time with you more than half the time)?
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Mon, 05-17-2004 - 1:06pm
But the issue isn't her potential helper, it is the children's father. He will continue to be their father regardless of marital status. From what I have read, it would be erring on the side of caution and in the best of interests of the children, if they both suck it up and get to a counselor to help them mediate the issues ESPECIALLY if they are divorcing. Not to salvage the relationship but to salvage the relationship that they will have with their children.

All of the little things and the big ones, when it comes to parenting, gets worse not better in a divorce. Even the things that the other parent does correctly can be incorrect. I beat my head against that wall when the x and I divorced. I finally came to realize that he behaved this way when we married and divorcing him was not going to change that behavior, all I could do was change my reaction to it. Life became a lot more easy for myself and my daughter.

She can have all the parental/spousal/home help in the world with the next man, but if she and her current dh don't resolve the parental issues now it is going to be a long, hard, road for everyone involved, especially the children.

SUS

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Mon, 05-17-2004 - 1:21pm
Uh, yes. Misty, don't look now, but we agree again! I would add that deliberately putting oneself in a situation one couldn't be getting through without the use of psych medication is probably not a good idea, either for oneself or for one's marriage. (I am NOT talking about situations that can't be avoided or people who are prone to anxiety in normal situations.)


Edited 5/17/2004 2:02 pm ET ET by cocoapop
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Mon, 05-17-2004 - 1:33pm
And if you scheduled your life, even for good reasons, such that you gave your children and possibly yourself whatever time you had and your spouse next to nothing, I don't think you'd have any cause to complain if he (1) complained or (2) left.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2003
Mon, 05-17-2004 - 1:35pm
Coming in late...Cyndi is that you???????-nt

Dj

"Now when I need help, I look in the mirror" ~Kanye West~

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-11-2003
Mon, 05-17-2004 - 1:42pm

Well, you said:

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Mon, 05-17-2004 - 1:54pm
Yes you are in a position to ask for help. Demand it, in fact. Your marriage is on the line ANYWAY. And its a good gamble to ask. You may in fact have more invested in what you want, than your husband has in what he doesn't want. The fact that his position is based on economy of effort is a good thing. He might prefer to do nothing, than do something. But he might prefer to do something and run a good game of being supportive about it, if its his marriage, rather than his free time, hanging in the balance. Seriously. Stop being a subserviant little wimpette and demand he act like an adult, deal with situations that require attention and accept the fact that dealing with them might require EFFORT.
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Mon, 05-17-2004 - 1:55pm
I am certainly not a surrendered wife, or whatever it is they call it these days, but dh is an integral part of my "me" time. Of course I do things by myself or with a girlfriend, but when the choice is between spending time with the girls or dinner with dh, he almost always wins.

SUS

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