Is is "hard" being a sahm?

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-06-2004
Is is "hard" being a sahm?
2242
Sat, 04-24-2004 - 1:25pm
For many years now, I have heard the claim that being a sahm is the hardest job in the world. I never chimed in, because I didn't know first hand. I stayed home for 6 weeks when my twin daughters, Sophia and Stephanie (almost 4) were born. And that was hard, because I had 2 newborns. Now, almost 4 years later, I have resigned my job and am staying home again. I can god-honestly say that I don't know what's so hard about this. I personally feel like I am on easy street, but maybe that's because I haven't been at it that long. I feel like I am on vacation. It takes no longer than a couple hours a day to do the housework, and the rest of the time is free time for me and the girls. We have gone to the park, the zoo, chuck e cheeses, and I know not every day is going to be like this, but I feel like I am making up for lost time. My children seem happy and relaxed. The only hard thing about this is that they have gotten into some pretty raging fights with each other, but the fights have ended with quick intervention. I guess I am just wondering how long before this becomes "The hardest job in the world" and I start looking like a zombie, complaining that my husband doesn't help me, and so on? Or do I seriously have the choice not to turn into that? Also, do you think that at the rate I am going, I am at risk for getting bored staying home?

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iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Mon, 05-17-2004 - 1:57pm
No, actually I would not tell my dd to just suck it up (bad choice of words) and go have sex with her dh whether she wants to or not.

I do agree with the idea of not rewarding or punishing anyone with sex. However - I don't want to teach my dd that giving into the pressure of sex is a grand idea either.

The way I see it, if a woman is too tired for a prolonged period of time, perhaps he should try to help with THAT problem to get her back up to par. You know, maybe he can take over the house for an evening and give her a chance to get in a nap, or some quiet time to herself. My dh's favorite thing to do on a day in which I tell him I just feel exhausted, is to make dinner, get the kids off to bed, and give me some time for a quick nap, complete with gourmet coffee with Bailey's waiting for me when I wake up. Makes for a much more interesting night than, simply, giving in and having less-than-wonderful intimate time with my dh. Call me crazy, but if I have any advice for my dd, it's to find a man who loves her for more than what she can give to him.

I agree - sex is a very important part of marriage. Important enough, not to compromise yourself on!

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Mon, 05-17-2004 - 2:01pm

Not to you exactly...Dr. Laura is on G. Gordon Liddy today! I was switching channels and heard "your book the Proper Care...." Another sign of board addiction, I had to rush back and post about it.


I bet Christy already knew...

Kristi

"I do not want to be a princess! I want to be myself"

Mallory (age 3)

      &nbs

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-12-2003
Mon, 05-17-2004 - 2:14pm
My best friend is getting married this weekend.
iVillage Member
Registered: 11-12-2003
Mon, 05-17-2004 - 2:19pm
Well duh.
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Mon, 05-17-2004 - 2:20pm
Different personalities.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 05-28-2003
Mon, 05-17-2004 - 2:22pm
In that situation where she doesn't feel like having sex with her husband for months or a year, before she "sucks up and ", they should find out what's the matter (non-medical, I mean).
iVillage Member
Registered: 11-12-2003
Mon, 05-17-2004 - 2:30pm

It's probably her attitude.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Mon, 05-17-2004 - 2:34pm
I don't really see sex inside a marriage or outside of a marriage that differently though.

IMO, I don't understand how simply, lying there and just taking it when you don't want to is really going to do something great for a marriage. I won't. Ever. To me, it's like a lie. I don't personally believe great marriages are the end result of lies. I don't believe in the whole idea of, "marital duty" whether it's legally or biblically defined either. If a spouse is cruel enough to play games with intimacy, then I don't think it can be fixed with a few nights of, "Okay, I'll endure this for his sake, and the sake of his prostate health."

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-12-2003
Mon, 05-17-2004 - 2:34pm

I guess so.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Mon, 05-17-2004 - 2:39pm

"I think sex is one of the primary points of emotional intimacy in a marriage. "


I used to think that then Devin got really, really sick. His medications caused sexual dysfunction plus he had absolutely no energy. We still had emotional intimacy. Sex is just one way to get emotional intimacy. We found it by talking and cuddling, going to church together and discussing some really huge topics.


I have to admit, if I am home all day with a sick child and a nursing baby and he came home expecting sex, it ain't going to happen. It is not going to happen if I have a migraine or if I have had to deal with a huge amount of household tasks and

"I do not want to be a princess! I want to be myself"

Mallory (age 3)

      &nbs

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