Is is "hard" being a sahm?

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-06-2004
Is is "hard" being a sahm?
2242
Sat, 04-24-2004 - 1:25pm
For many years now, I have heard the claim that being a sahm is the hardest job in the world. I never chimed in, because I didn't know first hand. I stayed home for 6 weeks when my twin daughters, Sophia and Stephanie (almost 4) were born. And that was hard, because I had 2 newborns. Now, almost 4 years later, I have resigned my job and am staying home again. I can god-honestly say that I don't know what's so hard about this. I personally feel like I am on easy street, but maybe that's because I haven't been at it that long. I feel like I am on vacation. It takes no longer than a couple hours a day to do the housework, and the rest of the time is free time for me and the girls. We have gone to the park, the zoo, chuck e cheeses, and I know not every day is going to be like this, but I feel like I am making up for lost time. My children seem happy and relaxed. The only hard thing about this is that they have gotten into some pretty raging fights with each other, but the fights have ended with quick intervention. I guess I am just wondering how long before this becomes "The hardest job in the world" and I start looking like a zombie, complaining that my husband doesn't help me, and so on? Or do I seriously have the choice not to turn into that? Also, do you think that at the rate I am going, I am at risk for getting bored staying home?

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iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Mon, 05-17-2004 - 3:03pm
I agree.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Mon, 05-17-2004 - 3:03pm

I don't know...I just instinctively don't like the approach of "Have sex even when you don't feel like it because you want your DH to be happy" I know you aren't really saying that but I have known so many women that do feel like that and I am reacting against that.


One of my Bible study questions this week was "How can you be your DH's strongest strength but also his weakest point?" Huh? I didn't know how to answer because our marriage was a partnership. We both were strong together and weak together. I didn't cause weakness for him and he didn't for me. It just rubbed me the wrong way..the same as this subthread does but I can't explain why.


"I do not want to be a princess! I want to be myself"

Mallory (age 3)

      &nbs

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-18-2003
Mon, 05-17-2004 - 3:04pm

<<I think it's cruel to deny your spouse sex constantly for no good reason other than cruelty.>>


And the whole point is the "reason" isn't cruelty. There ARE good reasons .. you just don't see them.

Choose your friends by their character and your socks by their color.  Choosing your socks by their character makes no sense and choosing your friends by their color is unthinkable.

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-28-2003
Mon, 05-17-2004 - 3:04pm
I wonder if the difference in the need for "me" vs "me and dh" time somewhat depends on when one met her dh. I met my dh when we were 21 and since we were in school and taking the same classes we pretty much spent the majority of time together. We ate dinner together almost every day from that day unless we were on vacation at our homes. So to me, my dh is kind of an extension of myself. If we spent almost everyday all day together, it wouldn't be that bad.
iVillage Member
Registered: 11-12-2003
Mon, 05-17-2004 - 3:08pm

That's where I think you are wrong.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-25-2003
Mon, 05-17-2004 - 3:09pm

Uh, no...if she tried her hardest and he failed to try HIS hardest, then she would at the very least know in her heart that she made every attempt possible to open the lines of communication and make it work.


Who said he needed to do absolutely nothing?

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-12-2003
Mon, 05-17-2004 - 3:10pm
It's a reason for a week, and after that, it would be ME not finding a solution to MY problem.... and then it becomes an excuse.
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Mon, 05-17-2004 - 3:10pm
I don't know any women who got married or had children just to avoid sex. Or maybe I do, and they just don't advertise it? LOL

I just can't see a person who just simply refuses, all of the time, being capable of just giving in and trying to enjoy herself for the sake of the marriage, do you? If one is that cruel, and even admits to being that cruel, then I'd say he could file for divorce if it's a problem (and I would expect it to be so in most cases!) Because that level of cruelty and non-compromise on any spouse's part seems reasonable enough to end a marriage over. I'm sure an attitude like that would go on much further than just in the bedroom.

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-28-2003
Mon, 05-17-2004 - 3:13pm
What if the wife doesn't feel like having sex because her husband is psychologically or physically abusive? Is it still *her* problem that *she* needs to find a solution?
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-18-2003
Mon, 05-17-2004 - 3:14pm

Ummm, aren't you the one that was saying men aren't emotionally complicated? And now sex

Choose your friends by their character and your socks by their color.  Choosing your socks by their character makes no sense and choosing your friends by their color is unthinkable.

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