Has anyone changed their mind once baby came?

Avatar for j8songrl
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Registered: 09-02-2003
Has anyone changed their mind once baby came?
Sun, 05-15-2011 - 10:03am

Right now I am a teacher. I am also taking masters classes. DH and I decided to try in July for our first and I have went back and forth if I wanted to work or stay at home. It is very important to me not to take any time away from my kids in the early years. However, my husband does work from home and would be able to be there with them (and probably not get as much work done during the day and have to work in the evening when I'm home). Ideally, it would be nice to switch to part time work, but I am not sure what work I could do outside of teaching (since it wouldn't be offered part time) with my degree. I have heard of teachers working the morning and another teacher working in the afternoon, which would be perfect for me. I don't know of any schools that would do this other than maybe for a kindergarten teacher (since they have am/pm kindergarten). Right now I work in private school, so I wouldn't be losing a benefit package (since it's not offered).

If there are any BTDT moms or someone in a similar situation that could offer advice that would be great!


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Registered: 01-15-2006
Tue, 07-12-2011 - 6:55am

good post, i agree.


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Registered: 05-31-2011
Mon, 07-11-2011 - 1:39pm

I'll be honest: I work from home and it's trying with older, self-sufficient kids around. I can't imagine trying to do what I do with a baby or a toddler around. My kids are old enough to prepare their own meals, do the dishes afterwards, wipe themselves and most important, they are old enough entertain themselves. I can also reason with them; they are old enough to understand that a work deadline puts their (non-emergency) needs second for a few hours.

You can't reason with babies. Their needs come first.

Avatar for mom34101
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Registered: 03-27-2003
Wed, 05-18-2011 - 1:16pm
I'd look around to see what your options are in terms of teaching pt/job-sharing in case in turns out that's what you want to do. I know a couple of people who managed to make working from home or taking the baby to work with them work for the first year or so, but most people I know find it very difficult to work from home without childcare, and once the baby becomes mobile, it's even tougher. Just remember that nothing is set in stone. You can change your mind--either way--after you see how it's going.
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Registered: 05-27-1998
Tue, 05-17-2011 - 4:45pm

Others have given great advice. I'll just add that don't beat yourself up if you find you still need to work while your children are very young. If you can only choose one period to stay home, go for the middle school/teen years. Their needs are mostly emotional then (unlike the infant/toddler years, when they are primarily physical), so you or DH might be the best person to meet those needs. But either way, if you find you can't stay home, your kids will be fine.

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Registered: 02-24-2010
Mon, 05-16-2011 - 12:34am

The other posters have all given you great advice.

“Clearly," said Arthur,"you're an idiot- but you're our kind of idiot. Come on.” 
― Markus ZusakThe Book Thief

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Registered: 01-05-2000
Sun, 05-15-2011 - 10:04pm

Just posting to say that I agree with what Rollmops and Tryingtoquit posted.

The truth may be out there but lies are in your head. Terry Pratchett

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Registered: 01-15-2006
Sun, 05-15-2011 - 3:02pm

you can't put a price tag on time at home


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Registered: 07-17-2007
Sun, 05-15-2011 - 12:01pm


Avatar for rollmops2009
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Registered: 02-24-2009
Sun, 05-15-2011 - 10:29am

Parents bring up their kids in many different ways and have very different ideas about many things. But one thing that many, many parents have in common is the experience of being very sure about certain things before the baby is born or when the kids are very young and then ending up eating their words later.

"My kid will NEVER sleep in my bed!" or maybe he will when the alternative is having the kid scream every night from 3AM to 5 AM.

"My kid will NEVER have formula!" But after the third excruciating breast infection, uhm, he probably will.

The list is endless, but the thing is that most kids end up being ok whatever the parents choose (within reason obviously) and everyone makes some mistakes along the way.

So, my advice would be to have faith that you and your dh are good enough parents, and try not to make hard and fast rules for yourself. Play it by ear and see how things work out for you, how you deal with it, how your dh deals with it and how the kid deals with it. Some kids have a great time in daycare and get bored at home. Other kids can't tolerate daycare and do better at home. There really is no one size fits all. Be open and keep your options open.

That said, working from home without childcare is something that most people quickly find impossible. Working at night is also hard when you have spent the day taking care of a house and child.