having 3+ kids close together in age....

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-24-2007
having 3+ kids close together in age....
245
Wed, 04-02-2008 - 9:10am

from the "SAHM wanting to use DC" thread.....


I know that hehmommy's post was an April Fool's joke, but....I'm at the point that all of my friends/acquaintances bar one have at least two children now.

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Avatar for 4thekids2001
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Wed, 04-02-2008 - 11:27am

LOL, my DH was always willing, seriously if I had said go after 2,4,5. He went after 6 and I'm regretting it but know in my head it was probably the right thing to do. Hey we can always adopt later right?


iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Wed, 04-02-2008 - 11:37am

"I read somewhere that 1/3 of all babies were unplanned."


I can't understand that, if true.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Wed, 04-02-2008 - 11:38am
Don't you look forward to the day it's just you and DH again?

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iVillage Member
Registered: 07-17-2007
Wed, 04-02-2008 - 11:48am
People can forget to take it. It only takes a few forgetful days over hundreds of days of taking it. Some people cannot take hormonal birth control and have to rely on less effective methods. Hormonal birth control is not as effective for some people. I know many people who did not know that antibiotics affects the effectiveness of birth control........
iVillage Member
Registered: 08-27-2007
Wed, 04-02-2008 - 11:53am

I read somewhere that 1/3 of all babies were unplanned."


I can't understand that, if true.

              *Praying for my best friend, my Dad*


 &n

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-31-2003
Wed, 04-02-2008 - 11:57am

My last comment was a little tongue in cheek. There are many families that stop before they have reached their personal limit - either because of good planning or it is just the way it worked out.


I think my preconceived personal limit was 3.

suzjuly6.jpg picture by LadyCaribou

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-17-2007
Wed, 04-02-2008 - 11:58am
Then I would never had sex. I can't take hormonal birth control. :)
Avatar for 4thekids2001
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Wed, 04-02-2008 - 12:28pm

Sometimes yes sometimes no. I went to calling hours for a 60 year old mom from my kids school Friday night. She and her husband had 6 boys,most were grown or nearly grown when they adopted a girl then a boy from Brazil. The adopted kids are 10 and 14. I can't imagine she or her DH would look back and say they wish they

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-12-2005
Wed, 04-02-2008 - 12:49pm

Three kids close together, planned:
--Health reasons may dictate a now or never approach. I've known several people who were told by their doctors that a particular health condition could lead to infertility, and have their children quickly or risk not having them at all.
--Age. Some people just have a cutoff age after which they are not comfortable with the risks. Others just have an idea of when they want to retire, and have a plan with how that fits in with college planning. (don't want to be 68 with a kid in college type of thing).
--Physical shape (related to age). I have heard several times that people felt the difference between the pregnancy when they were 28 and the pregnancy when they were 38. That the latter, they were far more tired, cranky, aching, sick, etc.
--Financial or career planning. It may be that the family wants to minimize the number of years that mom is home, or maybe paying a nanny for 8 years makes more sense than paying for day care for 12 (many people have told me that having a nanny is more cost-effective after the second child. I don't know, haven't looked into that.)
--fairness to the third child? once the first two are born close, if a family knows they want to stop at three, they may feel odd having a larger space with the third--leaving that one feeling like an accident or an outcast.
--Just getting it over with. I know many people who feel they could never stop at two kids. My DH and I go back and forth on this all the time. People used to bigger families, or who felt that their family was "too small". Who knows. Just they know that three is the minimum, and if they are going to have #3 anyway, may as well get it over with and get out of the diaper stage and into the years that offer more freedom and flexibility (as perceived by parents of younger children only).

While it may seem silly for a family struggling with 2 to be unwilling to stop with those 2, I can say that my struggles are outweighed by the joy my kids bring me, and it is easy to see that the joy is worth the stress. While I am guilty of venting about the difficult aspects, I would be the first to say I in no way regret having them close together. Most people who have had two close together would be able to rattle off as many benefits as drawbacks. I think often when I am stressed, it is not evident to other people that it is situational, and that my overall, overwhelming feelings about my life is that I am incredibly blessed. I try to remind myself that other people are often seeing me at my most stressed (because I do feel enormous stress about the way my kids act in public or around other people), and that from their perspective, it must seem that I am unhappy or overwhelmed.

Unplanned:
--No birth control: some people have problems with latex condoms, some have problems with hormonal birth control, some with both. I think a lot of people think the only other options are drastic measures or NFP/FAM. If you want more kids someday, drastic measures are not going to be the best option. If you have recently had a baby and are breastfeeding, NFP/FAM is probably not going to be reliable. There is also the issue that the hormonal birth control does not always mix with breastfeeding.
--birth control fails: I can tell you that when I'm not getting sleep, I get forgetful. While you can be careful AFTER the mishap, what occurred before the mishap could still have consequences. I just had a momentary lapse a few weeks ago, DH on business trip, kids up all night and somehow completely forgot to change my patch. thank God all was well, but I could've been THAT person, pretending I did it on purpose because I don't want to take the chances that anyone calls my child an accident.

Avatar for 4thekids2001
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Wed, 04-02-2008 - 1:05pm

"While it may seem silly for a family struggling with 2 to be unwilling to stop with those 2, I can say that my struggles are outweighed by the joy my kids bring me, and it is easy to see that the joy is worth the stress. While I am guilty of venting about the difficult aspects, I would be the first to say I in no way regret having them close together. Most people who have had two close together would be able to rattle off as many benefits as drawbacks. I think often when I am stressed, it is not evident to other people that it is situational, and that my overall, overwhelming feelings about my life is that I am incredibly blessed. I try to remind myself that other people are often seeing me at my most stressed (because I do feel enormous stress about the way my kids act in public or around other people), and that from their perspective, it must seem that I am unhappy or overwhelmed"


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