having 3+ kids close together in age....

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-24-2007
having 3+ kids close together in age....
245
Wed, 04-02-2008 - 9:10am

from the "SAHM wanting to use DC" thread.....


I know that hehmommy's post was an April Fool's joke, but....I'm at the point that all of my friends/acquaintances bar one have at least two children now.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 05-14-2006
Thu, 04-03-2008 - 1:56pm
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2000
Thu, 04-03-2008 - 2:18pm

My friend's twins are identical so there weren't two eggs!

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-31-2003
Thu, 04-03-2008 - 2:19pm

Well....


at 41 weeks she was born, less than 2 hours after arriving at the hospital with 2 quick pushes (which caused me a 3rd degree tear, but that is irrelevant, I guess but considering it was Caroline, it was par for the course). She came so quick that the doctor barely had a chance to catch her.

suzjuly6.jpg picture by LadyCaribou

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-12-2005
Thu, 04-03-2008 - 2:48pm
What a great follow-up chapter in the story! I am glad she arrived healthy.
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-31-2003
Thu, 04-03-2008 - 2:58pm

Yeah.

suzjuly6.jpg picture by LadyCaribou

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-12-2005
Thu, 04-03-2008 - 3:12pm

Your kids are adorable, and I love the picture. It looks like me and DH--I yell, he just looks resigned and waits for it to be over.

I keep praying my high-maintenance baby is growing into a laid-back toddler--am I expecting too much? He's been so easy lately, I got my hopes up.

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-24-2007
Thu, 04-03-2008 - 5:48pm

>>I do believe, though, that having kids close together opens you up to a ton of criticism not just on the spacing decision.<<


I'm not saying that it doesn't - haven't BTDT after all - but I think we're all most sensitive to whichever criticisms could more likely apply to us personally, not to mention that we simply wouldn't be on the receiving end of criticism that wasn't applicable.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Thu, 04-03-2008 - 6:00pm

You are a planner PNJ . . . there are tons of people who don't plan things out or think things through so yes I think there are lots of oops pregnancies.

I'm a planner too btw. I was really glad I didn't have mine too close together. I had friends with kids 12-18 month spaced & they were really banging their heads against the wall in those baby/toddler years!

VickiSiggy.jpg picture by mamalahk

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-12-2005
Thu, 04-03-2008 - 6:49pm

"People always say stuff like "oh I remember back when I only had one, life was so EASY!" (I heard that one this morning). "

I get the feeling this is directed at my comment to hehmommy for her AFD joke. Let me preface what I'm about to say with a general disclaimer: i like you and this is not meant to be fighting words, but this is a debate board, so I'll proceed with how I really feel on this issue.

There are situations in which I find it annoying that people who have experienced something think that anyone who has not shouldn't have an opinion on it. I.e. when someone is talking about finances and marriage and a single person says "I never want joint finances" and the married person says "wait until you're married, you'll change your mind." It's condescending, and implies that there is only one possible right opinion that can be held by someone who is informed or knowledgeable or experienced.

On the other hand, I find it even more annoying when someone judges individual people on actions or decisions they make in a situation the person doing the judging has never experienced. I used the line you don't like to hehmommy on her April Fool's Joke. I would stand by that statement if she had, in fact, been serious. You may not like to hear that line, but I think it's valid that it's unfair to judge someone harshly and directly as an individual on the basis of a set of circumstances you have never experienced. If the person is actually affecting your life, then it is different. If you are simply expressing an opinion about parenting a child, that, too, would be different.

IME, the statement I quoted above is almost always defensive. I've heard it many, many times, I've used it several times. Every time, it has been in response to someone making a personal judgment. Someone asks me how I am, I tell them the kids are keeping me busy, toddler is in the terrible twos, infant isn't sleeping, they respond with some condescending comment that basically suggests I must be doing something wrong if everything isn't coming up roses. I respond with yeah, i remember how easy it seemed when I was in your shoes. It is, IMO, the equivalent of responding to a judgmental comment about single moms that was written by a woman who had never been a single mom.

I do not put the statement you quoted in the same category as many of the other statements on this thread. The example of people saying your child needs a sibling, yes, that goes in the same category of you saying women like me should stop having kids. But someone saying I remember how easy it was when I just had one is first of all only about their OWN life, and second, almost always defensive.

edited to add: one other thing, I'm not saying the closely spaced siblings thing gets criticized more than the only child thing. I'm saying that once you have closely spaced siblings, people seem to criticize you on EVERYTHING. I have been out with other moms who are also amazed at how often I am the recipient of such comments and who have reassured me that there is nothing I or my children have done that attracted the comments. When I was pregnant with my second, I was told I should be ashamed. H*** I even got criticized for asking my toddler to clean up after himself, with a snide comment about putting my child to work because I was irresponsible enough to have another child.




Edited 4/3/2008 6:53 pm ET by ka032006
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2000
Thu, 04-03-2008 - 7:16pm

And then there is this unspoken thing that you can't ever complain or comment negatively about something b/c after all, you put yourself in that situation by making the choices you made.


Just today, I was coordinating my kids' various sports schedules and realized that we have at least one sports practice or game every day of the week though only a few Sundays from now until the end of May.

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