Having "Adult Interaction"

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-05-2008
Having "Adult Interaction"
Mon, 08-04-2008 - 11:34am
So I mentioned this briefly in another thread but I've been meaning to ask about it. I'm a SAHM to 2 small toddlers. Personally, I don't *care* what other mothers choose to do. I've never inquired about "well, why do you WOH"... It's really none of my business nor do I care. I've been in several playgroups for my kiddos and sure enough, I get bombarded with comments from the WHOM about having "adult interaction". I mean seriously...what do they think I do all day?..Do WOHM think us SAHM just baby talk all day and are prisoners to our home and never speak with adults?.. It's funny, b/c a lot of times, they won't directly make that comment to me but will be passive aggressive...saying something like..."Oh I JUST had to go back to work to get the adult interaction"--waiting for me to respond like "oh yes, I agree, I miss the adult interaction"..... Almost like they are justifying why they work! If you are going to a job just to be around adults, that's pretty pathetic IMO. There are a million things I could get involved in that would be around adults, w/o having to go to work. I don't need work to fullfill my adult talk. I don't get it..Why is this always the first comment out of a WOHM? It's an indirect insult or putdown.


iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2003
Mon, 08-04-2008 - 6:50pm
Maybe the reason these WOHMS tell you that they like the adult interaction at work is...because they do. You say they tell you "nothing about their job or what they like about it or anything of the sort" but they did. They told you they liked the adult interaction. You may not find that a reasonable thing to like about a job but there is no getting around that they DID tell you what they like about their job. You just didn't approve of it.
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2003
Mon, 08-04-2008 - 6:55pm
I can understand why it could feel like an attack, but I doubt that it is intended that way.
iVillage Member
Registered: 01-02-2008
Mon, 08-04-2008 - 7:00pm

"Sure beats stewing over an imagined slight!"

Now THAT'S the truth ;)

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iVillage Member
Registered: 05-22-2008
Mon, 08-04-2008 - 7:05pm

< really don't *care* the reasons why someone wants to WOH for their family. >>

Unless your SAHM fee-fees are hurt. Then, quite obviously, you do care


I wouldn't tell you much about my job either; chances are you wouldn't understand much of it, so it would be useless to do more than mention where I work.

<<It's a way of them indirectly trying to tell me how i'm lacking something. >>

I think you're *inferring* that; they're not *implying* it.

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-08-2006
Mon, 08-04-2008 - 7:13pm


iVillage Member
Registered: 07-12-2005
Mon, 08-04-2008 - 7:25pm

I think what I find confusing is the reason that a lack of adult interaction is an insult. I mean, I think saying someone is not raising their own children is an insult or criticism. I always thought (at least when I was staying home) that the lack of adult interaction/the desire for a few hours without wiping a nose or butt was part of the common experience. Now that I'm working, I have said things like "I do it for the break" or "It's nice to spend the day talking to other adults." It's not a slam at all. To the contrary, I mean it as saying I realize you have a challenging job and rather than complain about how difficult it is to balance working and motherhood, I'm going to acknowledge the fact that I do get a little bit of a break that a sahm does not get.

I just cannot, for the life of me, figure out how acknowledging that I did not have a lot of adult interaction while at home is an insult to other at-home moms.

and by the way, I do not mean adult interaction as any interaction with adults. I interacted with other adults. I mean where the focus is on the interests and intellect of an adult, not just side banter among a bunch of people who (rightfully so) are preoccupied or distracted because their first priority is their children.

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-03-2008
Mon, 08-04-2008 - 7:57pm

I have a feeling that you get what you give in a conversation.

I SAH for many years, and now I WOH. I have never experienced any of this turmoil many SAHMs claim they experience. I think that they often have a chip on their shoulder about SAH, and they project it, and then they are surprised when they get back the same attitude they have.

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-05-2007
Mon, 08-04-2008 - 8:31pm

Yeah, I dont' get that either.



iVillage Member
Registered: 02-05-2008
Mon, 08-04-2008 - 9:04pm

Quite the contrary. It's more the WOHM that have the chip on their shoulders therefore feeling the need to justify why they work. Like somehow it makes them feel better about the situation if they use some lame excuse like needing adult interaction as the reason. I'm absolutely THRILLED about SAH and would never ever EVER change it. Did I mention NEVER? .... I've also never had to justify it to anyone or even make a comment on how I SAH. It's not up for discussion.

Avatar for mkatherine
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2003
Mon, 08-04-2008 - 9:06pm

see? we're not that different...

. I'm absolutely THRILLED about WOH and would never ever EVER change it. Did I mention NEVER? .... I've also never had to justify it to anyone or even make a comment on how I WOH. It's not up for discussion.

*shrug* as my 9 year old says 'ain't no big thang..."

"If gay Americans are not allowed to get married and have all the benefits that American citizens are entitled to by the Bill of Rights, they should get one hell of a tax break. That is my opinion,"

- Jeane "Dear Abby" Phillips, in an interview with Lisa Leff.


Yes. We. Did.