Having "Adult Interaction"

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-05-2008
Having "Adult Interaction"
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Mon, 08-04-2008 - 11:34am
So I mentioned this briefly in another thread but I've been meaning to ask about it. I'm a SAHM to 2 small toddlers. Personally, I don't *care* what other mothers choose to do. I've never inquired about "well, why do you WOH"... It's really none of my business nor do I care. I've been in several playgroups for my kiddos and sure enough, I get bombarded with comments from the WHOM about having "adult interaction". I mean seriously...what do they think I do all day?..Do WOHM think us SAHM just baby talk all day and are prisoners to our home and never speak with adults?.. It's funny, b/c a lot of times, they won't directly make that comment to me but will be passive aggressive...saying something like..."Oh I JUST had to go back to work to get the adult interaction"--waiting for me to respond like "oh yes, I agree, I miss the adult interaction"..... Almost like they are justifying why they work! If you are going to a job just to be around adults, that's pretty pathetic IMO. There are a million things I could get involved in that would be around adults, w/o having to go to work. I don't need work to fullfill my adult talk. I don't get it..Why is this always the first comment out of a WOHM? It's an indirect insult or putdown.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 02-05-2008
Mon, 08-04-2008 - 9:10pm
Actually the conversation abrubtly ended recently with one lady when I didn't seem to follow her adult interaction excuse. I guess she was expecting me to agree with her and start whining about how I'm always with my kids and never around adults and how much I miss working, yada yada yada....but since I said, "actually I don't miss it at all.... and I get plenty of time with adults outside of kids, she really had nothing else to say. I guess I shot her down and didn't make her feel good about the situation she put herself in by having to work. That's why I said, it seems like there is an ulterior motive when WOHM make that comment.
iVillage Member
Registered: 02-05-2008
Mon, 08-04-2008 - 9:13pm

Ya I think it sucks that someone has to justify it.


Frankly I do need a break from my kids. I can't be around them 24/7. That is just way overkill. I plan on putting them in early preschool when they are 2 for 2 full days a week. I guess that would be kinda like me getting a part time job??!! I need away time but not necessarily to "work".

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-05-2007
Mon, 08-04-2008 - 9:17pm

Or maybe, it was your abruptness and chip that brought the conversation to a halt.


Seriously.

*********

Ducky

Avatar for mkatherine
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2003
Mon, 08-04-2008 - 9:20pm

But don't you see how the repeated capitalizing of NEVER going back to work and the repeated EVER EVER EVER you're doing roughly the same thing. Great stay home. work. join the circus. paint still lifes with fruit. trade stocks on line. big whoope de do, do whatever you want... no one really cares or should care as long as you're happy... but when you continually do the "OH DID I MENTION NEVVERRRRRRRR GOING BACK TO WORK" routine then well my reaction would be 'whaddya want a medal?"

some moms DO like work b/c of adult interaction. some like work b/c it's interesting. Some like it b/c it's rewarding. I like it b/c it's a combo of all three and I get to meet people like Lily tomlin -- they're called REASONS. not justifications. I don't have to justify my working to anyone... least of all you.

"If gay Americans are not allowed to get married and have all the benefits that American citizens are entitled to by the Bill of Rights, they should get one hell of a tax break. That is my opinion,"

- Jeane "Dear Abby" Phillips, in an interview with Lisa Leff.

 

Yes. We. Did.

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-03-2008
Mon, 08-04-2008 - 9:24pm

Maybe you should read the post you just wrote, and perhaps you can figure out where I got the idea that you may have a chip on your shoulder.

I didn't suggest that you shouldn't SAH. I was probably a SAHM far longer than you have been.

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-22-2008
Mon, 08-04-2008 - 9:27pm

What other inappropriate, insulting stereotypes do you want to throw around today?


Do you really thinkthat if someone isn't just like you, they must have a chip on their shoulder? Or be overweight? Or lazy? Or unappreciated? Or unhappy in their situation?

Avatar for mkatherine
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2003
Mon, 08-04-2008 - 9:29pm

"I guess I shot her down and didn't make her feel good about the situation she put herself in by having to work"

The Situation SHE put herself in by HAVING work? Uh how about wanting to work first of all ane second of all -- wow you must be SOO proud to have "shot another one down"

"If gay Americans are not allowed to get married and have all the benefits that American citizens are entitled to by the Bill of Rights, they should get one hell of a tax break. That is my opinion,"

- Jeane "Dear Abby" Phillips, in an interview with Lisa Leff.

 

Yes. We. Did.

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-22-2008
Mon, 08-04-2008 - 9:32pm

<<Actually the conversation abrubtly ended recently with one lady when I didn't seem to follow her adult interaction excuse.>>


My conversation with you would probably end abruptly too if you took my initial, chit-chat comments and turned it into an excuse rather than actually taking an interest in what I was saying.


<<I guess she was expecting me to agree with her and start whining about how I'm always with my kids and never around adults and how much I miss working, yada yada yada>>


No, she was probably expecting you to respond with what you like about your situation. Or with something about yourself. Or, here's a novel thought, actually take an interest in what is interesting and important to her!

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-22-2008
Mon, 08-04-2008 - 9:34pm

WEll, good for you. You don't want or need to work, and you don't.

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-20-2003
Mon, 08-04-2008 - 9:38pm

I highly doubt that the woman felt shot down. Based on your own statements, you aren't just telling people, "I SAH." You are ANNOUNCING that "I SAH and NEVER intend to return to work, NEVER. Did I mention NEVER?" Anyone that felt the need to bring that amount of attitude/defensiveness about their work situation into a conversation (either explicitly or implicitly) is typically a person that people seek to avoid.

Is it truly impossible for you to see that people that have found jobs/careers that match their interests well and find stimulation from working with other people (adults) see that as a positive about their work life? What would you have them say instead - some treatise on the relative pros and cons they weighed before making childcare decisions? Maybe a rundown of their finances and why dual incomes made more sense??? For pete's sake, you are seeming to describe for the most part casual or occasional conversations with strangers or acquaintances (I certainly hope they're not 'friends' given how you disdain their comments and gloat at misperceived chances to shoot them down)You are questioning them about a personal choice they have made, accompanied by your own glorious banner of I HAVE MADE A GREAT CHOICE AND I WILL NEVER, EVER, EVER CHANGE MY MIND. My guess would be they are tossing you one minor point as a bone to complete the conversation while they gnaw their own arm off to get away from woman-on-a-mission. How many of these triumphant, 'expose the WOHM's pitiful excuses' have you had???

Can the phrase "work because I need/want/would miss the adult interaction" be used as a slam? Sure - I can envision it.

>>> What do you do? I stay at home full time with my kids. Wow, I could never do that - I would miss adult stimulation too much. Said in a sneering tone, or dismissive way, that would be an implied slam. Said exactly the same way among friends with a different tone, probably not a slam at all.

So you have unilaterally decided that 'adult interaction' is not a legitimate reason at all for WOH? What then is on *your* short list of reasons you see as legitimate?








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