Heart vs. Head: The work status decision
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Heart vs. Head: The work status decision
| Tue, 01-17-2006 - 1:03pm |
Did you make your decision to SAH/WAH/WOH ft/pt based primarily on objective/tangible factors, or with your heart?

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I have never seen a post from jhunke that says she hates sah. I think you must be confused.
And where has volunteering been classified as woh? I think the general consensus here has always been that if you work outside the home for money, you are a woh or pt woh, depending on the hours.
dj
Dj
"Now when I need help, I look in the mirror" ~Kanye West~
***The funny thing is that there are quite a few SAHMs (40%, I think?), but many of their DHs make $150,000 or more. You really have to appreciate the economics to understand that when most people spend $5,000 a month just for their mortgage (forget utilities, groceries, car payments, debt repayment, etc., etc.), it's not a matter of "high" SES, it's a matter of making ends meet.***
If that were the case, that would be true. However, around here virtually *no one* pays $5000/mo for a mortgage. In fact, the idea is laughable. You can get a 3000sq ft house for less than half that here. Our home, 1200sq ft (and just the right size for us) is only a small fraction of that 5k figure. Around here a VERY nice house (think McMansion with land) will set you back 250K. I don't know anyone who has house enough around here to be paying more than 2500/mo. and even *that* is reaching- even if they took a 15yr rather than a 30yr. In other words- perhaps it's not as much an issue of SAHP/WOHP households making ends meet as it is that SAHP/WOHP families tend to be more prolific in areas that the economies support such family arrangements. Around here it's VERY common for SAHMs to be the family arrangement of choice, and for those families to be doing quite well.
***If you want to do more than make ends meet, including saving adequately for retirement (for us that means putting away the full $30,000 per year allowed in our 401(k)s) plus college, you're not as likely to have a SAHP.***
Not as likely- no- I'll agree with that. However, it *is* do-able (we do it) particularly with forethought and planning. If that means not living where you can't get a house under half a million- then that's a decision one has to make as to what's more important for that family- house in that area or SAHP.
Wytchy
***I'm sorry that your DH doesn't get much other than the paycheck and benefits. I'd much rather volunteer through my church or the kids' school and SAH if that's all I got out of WOH. Maybe that's another reason why you can't understand anyone, male or female, deliberately choosing to WOH rather than stay home with babies.***
Oh I understand it- I just don't see how both parents can do it when babies are so small. Honestly? I think it has more to do with the fact that it took us so much to conceive and carry our first. We dealt with infertility for over 5yrs and I had very difficult pregnancies. Because of that- everything I went through- I can't imagine spending that level of time away from them. The fact that I was raised by a very involved and loving SAHM plays a large part as well, along with the fact that I'm just a very big 'baby/kid person'. I can't imagine having them if I'd only be able to spend a couple hours a day with them... It'd be heartbreaking for me.
As for my DH- I keep trying to talk him into a position where he'd be happier. But the benefits and pay aren't something he's willing to let go of. In fact, believe it or not- I even offered to WOH if it would mean he'd be happier somewhere else even if he wasn't getting the pay he wanted. (Although- in his case the pay is relatively easy to find- it's the benefits he's not keen on giving up. Government benefits are top notch. Our healthcare is 100% covered with exceptionally small co-pays. No deductibles etc. He won't budge from that one.
Wytchy
Simple answer? As children grow, so does their need for independance. It's not that their need for a parents loving presence decreases, it's that the time I feel is necessary to give it to them decreases as they get older and more independant, and that as they get older and understand more, Mom and Dad don't need to be *right there* for the kids to know that they are loved by them etc.
Wytchy
where other than in your own little mind do you come up with this stuff - i love sah - that is why i do it. not buying into the hype from some on this board that it is the only great way to raise kids, says nothing about how i feel about it. you are right that i dont see it as some "great opportunity" for my kids, it is just a way of life, no worse or better than others.
if woh 35 hours in 5 years makes me a wohm then so be it, but even you would have to admit that is a pretty part time wohm. and i believe i understand the difference between paid work and volunteer work - but i am wondering if you do. the 3 hours my son was at the sitter this morning was while i was at school volunteering, the 8 hours he will be there one day next week will be while i am at school volunteering.
lets see, my middle daughter has had a sahm for 5 of her 7 years, but i can see where one might consider that a short time, after all it is only 3/4 of her life. and i would put my 15 year old, who had a wohm for 9 1/2 years up against any kid who had had a sahm for the same amount of time. she is absolutely awesome, that is what you can say about my oldest.
when you are tired of making up things to suit your own narrow way of thinking perhaps you can get to the truth. the truth being that i love sah, i have no intention of going back to work, beyond the extremely limited time i am working now - you know 35 hours in 5 years - so perhaps it would serve you better to read what other write instead of making things up to suit yourself.
Jennie
i live in pretty modernized and industrialized part of the US and the first house we bought her had no air conditioning - it is actually more rare around here for homes to have air.
we never have our house up to 71 degrees in the winter, one we would go broke paying the heating bills and secondly we feel that is just too warm, we keep our home at about 67 degrees, not warm enough for an infant to be laying around in a onsie. if a child is wrapped in a blanket how are they getting skin to skin contact?
Jennie
***so you see 1st grade classrooms as large impersonal group settings - do you have a clue what you are talking about.***
Considering that I've volunteered in various classrooms and started to put together a degree to go *into* teaching? Yes- I know quite well what I am talking about. Certainly you don't think that every classroom is as warm and fuzzy and intimate as your DD's first grade class?
***the teacher hugs and kisses the kids***
Wow- most places have a hands-off policy nowadays. Of course, perhaps the teachers ignore it, but even when I was in school, teachers were encouraged *not* to hug/kiss/touch the students. It was considered inappropriate.
***she is down on the floor playing with them, they are sitting on her lap, she cares for them and they adore her - nothing impersonal about that and yes there is a relationship there.***
From the classrooms I've seen, that is the exception, not the norm. That's nice that your DD is able to enjoy that, however. If all public school classrooms were like that I might not be so adamant about homeschooling LOL! ;)
***i find it kind of sad that you did not have relationships with your teachers - i would think that would hinder the learning process.***
Actually I feel it helped the learning process- at least for me. Don't get me wrong- some I liked- even talked to quite a bit- but I wouldn't say they were intimate on any meaningful level. I don't find it sad at all personally.
Wytchy
Fwiw, I have never seen a post that even comes close to you stating that you hate being a sahm.
PumpkinAngel
Jennie
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