Heart vs. Head: The work status decision

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Heart vs. Head: The work status decision
2102
Tue, 01-17-2006 - 1:03pm
Did you make your decision to SAH/WAH/WOH ft/pt based primarily on objective/tangible factors, or with your heart?

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iVillage Member
Registered: 07-16-2005
Tue, 02-07-2006 - 2:25pm

I agree. I thought I summarized this thread very well. It had come full circle.

Days ago, 5 of us had questioned why PKA had thought keeping "score cards" and "equal" time with the children by dual wohps was "better" than a full-time sahp/wohp situation. She responded both by saying 1.) we are the ones with reading comprehension problems, and later, 2.) that she has "writing comprehension" problems ~ whatever those are.

Well, her final statement that apparently we are jealous of her elusive "time management skills" again brings it all full circle; to PKA it is better to have dual wohps sharing equal time with the children. It took a few days and lots of diversions, but we got there again.

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-04-2004
Tue, 02-07-2006 - 2:26pm

If my children are playing, I can and do notice when they are going for the mouth/nose/eyes etc. I catch them before they do so. Generally speaking and with rare exception if we're out at the playground with the kids DH is with me and he'll watch one I'll watch the other (since it's not a very manageable task to take two toddlers to the playground by ones self. Most moms of close siblings such as mine have told me that they'd never dream of doing so without a helper and I tend to agree- too easy to lose sight of a child when both are so small and yet so mobile.) I use Purell liberally and we wash our hands before we go home and again when we get back to the house. The younger the child the easier it is to keep track of them for cleaning purposes LOL! And once they get older, one doesn't really need to be as diligent with the germ issue because their immune systems are more mature and able to handle what they do come into contact with. I'd never never turned my infant loose on the playground equipment, for instance. Germ issue or no. ;) Playgroups at this age require the presence of both the hosts as well as the guests parents, so each parent watches their own children (to avoid sippy cup cross contamination etc.) It's really a simple matter of common sense and hygeine.

Wytchy

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-04-2004
Tue, 02-07-2006 - 2:27pm

Not all- you tend to paint a dismal and contentious ending to yours...

Wytchy

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-27-2005
Tue, 02-07-2006 - 2:27pm
I actually know of a few who average 80-90 hours per week. They are in very high-power positions with a lot of travel and their wives are SAH. They have very minimal contact with the kids.
iVillage Member
Registered: 01-18-2006
Tue, 02-07-2006 - 2:28pm
Still makes no sense that you asked at all. She said SHE WANTED TO SAH so that she didn't miss her children's childhood. In no way is that implying that a WOHP is missing out on their children's childhood, but to her if she WOH she would be. It is kind of like going back to that I SAH to raise my children. Her statement was clear, it is how she feels about her children. It has nothing to do with you or any WOHP.

 

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-04-2004
Tue, 02-07-2006 - 2:30pm

That's really kinda funny because I thought you were being intentionally obtuse when you wrote "My love doesn't go away simply because I'm gone for 8 hours. My love remains. And it remains WITH my kids. And they know that. I really don't find it that difficult of a concept to understand." Especially knowing that I'm talking about infants/toddlers/preschoolers.

Wytchy

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-04-2004
Tue, 02-07-2006 - 2:34pm

I guess I've just seen a few too many rural PA/OH winter snowstorms to think that transporting children in those conditions is at all safe or worth the risk. But I guess Swedes may have better snow removal etc. since they deal with so much of it LOL ;)

Wytchy

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-03-2005
Tue, 02-07-2006 - 2:37pm

Okay .. i think we need to distinguish between the concept of object permanence and seperation anxiety. While you lumped them together earlier, and I responded in that vein, I dont' really see them as the same (although somewhat related).

Object permanence -- has nothing to do with love. A kid can get freaked out when a ball, blanket, bear, bottle goes away. Because when they don't see it, it doesn't exist. And many of the things with which children learn about object permanence, and freak out about before they learn it, aren't capable of giving love in the first place.

Separation Anxiety -- while a child *could* be missing the love, I don't really think that's it. They miss the physical presence. They think the person isn't coming back or that they'll miss the person. The *person*, not necessarily the person's love.

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-03-2005
Tue, 02-07-2006 - 2:39pm

I don't think so. I don't think aquick hug and a peck on the top of the head when a kid is crying cause Johnny doesn't want to play is inappropriate.

But we're a very touch-feely kind of family.

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-03-2005
Tue, 02-07-2006 - 2:41pm

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Who presented that idea? I actually got the opposite idea here .. that kids who always have a SAHP will avoid this perfectly normal developmental milestone because if they aren't ever separated from mom, how can they experience anxiety over it?

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