Heart vs. Head: The work status decision

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Heart vs. Head: The work status decision
2102
Tue, 01-17-2006 - 1:03pm
Did you make your decision to SAH/WAH/WOH ft/pt based primarily on objective/tangible factors, or with your heart?

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iVillage Member
Registered: 06-04-2004
Fri, 01-27-2006 - 9:36am

THAT I'd agree with.

Wytchy

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-29-2004
Fri, 01-27-2006 - 9:38am
Could I raise my kids *without* all that help? No way. So I consider them all to be helping me to raise them.
iVillage Member
Registered: 01-15-2006
Fri, 01-27-2006 - 9:42am

you know, i was going to include church in my last remark but it's sort of like home for us, so it would have just been redundant if i included it again. besides, i really don't know that the positive influence is any greater with church than another valued outlet would be. kwim? i was just talking with a friend the other day. i asked if she caught our priest's homily last week because one of the other priests at our church is leaving, and he had a lot of stuff to say about priesthood and our children et al. she said no as they do not attend church on sundays. ok, wtf...we're in bible study together, our kids are in religious ed together, i thought we shared a compatible worship schedule too. no, not at all.

but i do agree that sports can be a positive influence too. my girls are into cheerleading and dance moreso than team sports but that may change in the next year or two. ds is 3 and about to start his first team sport in the spring, soccer.

 

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-04-2004
Fri, 01-27-2006 - 9:47am

Really? Because I just can't fathom that...

Wytchy

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-04-1997
Fri, 01-27-2006 - 9:51am
If I didn't think church was valuable for my kids, I wouldn't have taken them all these years. Where else do you think they will be able to get the same benefits? I mean, don't they get an infusion of grace from participating in the sacraments? Last I checked, you couldn't get that at WalMart.
iVillage Member
Registered: 06-04-2004
Fri, 01-27-2006 - 9:53am

Sure you could. Surely you don't think you *couldn't* raise your children without 'all that help'? Wouldn't it be more an issue of not *wanting* to? Or finding *having* it more beneficial? Are you saying that your children would die or you'd have to get rid of them if those other people weren't a part of your life? ;) Also- IMO there is a big difference between 'helping to raise' and 'helping ME to raise'... 'Helping to raise' to me denotes that that person is in part raising your child. 'Helping ME to raise' to me denotes that the person may be helping the parent in whatever fashion, but is not directly involved in the raising of the child. See the difference?

Wytchy

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-18-2005
Fri, 01-27-2006 - 9:58am
Yes. I think grandparents, churches, teachers, etc influence my children. The TV, movies, etc. influence my children. But, at the end of the day my dh and I are raising them the way we see fit.
iVillage Member
Registered: 01-15-2006
Fri, 01-27-2006 - 10:01am
i understand that which is why i blend church with home, both being positive influences.....what i don't understand though is the human relationship as some very friends of ours seem hypocritical about church imo. and that could counterattack what it is i am trying to teach or influence my own child. i.e. dd hears at religous ed that such and such doesn't attend church on sundays. she comes home and questions why on earth we have to continue going. kwim?

 

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-04-1997
Fri, 01-27-2006 - 10:15am
My kids have a number of friends who go to Sunday School but not church (some people don't like our pastor's politics that come out from time to time in the sermons, some think asking kids to sit through a service is too much, whatever). It doesn't impinge on the way I raise my kids at all because I have no trouble explaining that "SoandSo's family may not put the same emphasis on worship that we do. We worship because I think it's pleasing to God and important for us." Period. Honestly, you'd better buckle your seat belt for a whole lot of discoveries on your children's part that other people do things very differently. According to my DS, we are the only parents in the whole school who makes their kids go to bed before ten pm, who don't provide cell phones, who make their kids wear helmets while roller blading, and who expect them to do their Saturday chores BEFORE playing outside with friends. You'd better get a pretty clear idea NOW why you have the standard that you do, because believe me, your girls are entering the age where they will be actively comparing their lives with those of their peers, and you will always suffer in comparison to Suzy's family (or whoever). My only consolation is that we are probably "Suzy" to somebody else's child.
iVillage Member
Registered: 07-16-2004
Fri, 01-27-2006 - 10:37am

Actually, I WOULD wonder what she meant if a WOHM said she WOH to be a "better" parent to her children. Does she think she wouldn't be as good a parent if she SAH? Why? If I were a SAHM and she said that to me, I would be taken aback. I would wonder if she meant to suggest that, as a SAHM, I'm not being the best parent I could be. As a WOHM, that statement would come across as defensive to me--as if the speaker is used to being questioned about her choice and feels the need to defend it. Although that thought may be more a product of my experience on these boards than my everday life ; ).

Depending on how well I knew the speaker, I would either press further to have her clarify whether she was talking about herself or in general, or I would walk away thinking what a loaded and slightly rude thing to say to someone you barely know.

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