Heart vs. Head: The work status decision

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Heart vs. Head: The work status decision
2102
Tue, 01-17-2006 - 1:03pm
Did you make your decision to SAH/WAH/WOH ft/pt based primarily on objective/tangible factors, or with your heart?

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iVillage Member
Registered: 06-04-2004
Sat, 01-28-2006 - 11:03pm

***If a mom says "I can't raise my children w/o my village" you ASSUME she means just that. That she can't raise them. You don't assume she means to add the unspoken "the way I want to."***

Right.

***But if a SAHM says "I stay at home to raise my children" you ASSUME she means to add the unspoken "the way I want to."***

No. I assume she means she's SAH to raise her children- which- interestingly- is just what she said. As opposed to SAH to commit her time to volunteering, or work on her golf game, or watch soaps, or keep up on her laundry, or any number of other things.

Wytchy

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-04-2004
Sat, 01-28-2006 - 11:08pm

***So then what do you think the difference is between the sahp who couldn't raise their kids in the manner they wish without being a sahp and the working parent who doesn't have a problem doing so? Interesting that they are both also in the same family.***

In many families with SAHP's the situation is that both parents feel that what they want for their children is to have them raised by a SAHP. However, that doesn't mean that both parents feel that THEY must BE the SAHP in order for that to happen. In my case, DH is more suited to WOH while I am more suited to SAH. We both want a SAHP for our children. He couldn't raise our children the way he wants them to be raised if I weren't willing/able to be a SAHP. I couldn't raise our children the way I want them to be raised if he weren't willing/able to be the WOHP. Make sense?

Wytchy

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-04-2004
Sat, 01-28-2006 - 11:12pm

***What do you think is the difference between the sahp who can't be the kind of parent they want to be unless they are at home and the partner of that person who can be exactly the kind of parent they want to be all while working?***

I'd wonder what the WOH parent feels about their partner SAH. If they're both on the same page where both want a SAHP for their children- I'd say they're working together to get what they both want for their children- wouldn't you?

In our case, DH wouldn't be the kind of parent he wants to be (in that he wouldn't be providing what he wants for his children) were I not a SAHM. Well- unless he were a SAHD and I were WOH- which would be fine except in our case he's more geared toward his career whereas I am more geared toward things domestic LOL ;)

Wytchy

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-27-1998
Sat, 01-28-2006 - 11:16pm

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Right, I couldn't raise my children without a variety of people in their lives.

PumpkinAngel

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-27-1998
Sat, 01-28-2006 - 11:22pm

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Exactly like some of the others I have listed who have a hand in raising children, despite not spending large quantities of time with them.

PumpkinAngel

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-27-1998
Sat, 01-28-2006 - 11:31pm

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So he can be the kind of parent he wants to be because, you are doing more of the active

PumpkinAngel

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-27-1998
Sat, 01-28-2006 - 11:35pm

No.

PumpkinAngel

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-27-1998
Sat, 01-28-2006 - 11:43pm

I asked what the difference is.

PumpkinAngel

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-15-2006
Sat, 01-28-2006 - 11:52pm

why do your debates always resort to this pumpkinangel...

>>...Does that mean the sahp is the one raising the children while the wohp is not? <<<

does it surprise you that much to realize that a compatible marriage is a partnership not a dictatorship?! my dh helps raise our children because our family relationship has been purposely designed for *us* so that we can have *one* wohp and *one* sahp, not two wohps and a necessary middleground nanny or dcp. if dh wasn't helping raise our kids, we certainly wouldn't have the fortune of his healthy income, the clothes on their backs, the food at our table, the superb houses and neighborhoods we've lived in, nor the foundation that has allowed me the privledge all these years to *not* have to work and sah to take care of our children.

your words make it sound like a pity party...well, if sahm is raising the kids, then where does the wohd fit in? is he left in the dark and disattached from raising the children? sniff. this question of yours is not new so why, pumpkingangel does it always lead to that?

and p.s. to the poster that does not believe normal outsiders in children's lives like school teachers, grocery clerks, weekend sitters, church clergy and teachers, help raise a child....ittta. influence and memory fillers, sure, but to include them as people who helped raise my child, no the heck way. after all, if we had to move again tomorrow, these outsiders would fall to the wayside just like anyone else that has no personal attachment to raising my child.




Edited 1/29/2006 12:12 am ET by egd3blessed

 

Avatar for mom34101
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2003
Sun, 01-29-2006 - 12:04am
Oh, for heavens sake.

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